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Sunday 31st January 2010
Pasir Ris Crescent Secondary School
5pm Afternoon Kickoff
Warm Weather
Special Guest Writer: Sivaneson "Anaconda" Krishnamoorthy
Starting Line up: Irfan, Phil, Retz, Mark, Kalai, Bryan, Bia, Tim Song, Paul, Wayne, Siva
It was a case of an old rivalry rekindled as BBFC watched a team that they had been soundly beaten by a few months back during the height of its injury crisis at St Wilfred’s saunter onto the pitch thinking it would be another day in the park for them. BBFC were without still injured utlity player Kevin Gomez, mercurial Jerald Justin, and overlapping Alif, whilst Manoj Menon was given the day off with personal commitments (also as a precursor for his beloved Arsenal's thrashing at the hands of Champions Manchester United).
On a rather bumpy field, BBFC kicked off attacking the opponents from the very beginning. The first real chance of the game fell to Paul who as usual, did a hop and skip, choosing to fire way over the bar rather than crossing the ball to on rushing strikers. The alarms had be sounded no less as wave after wave of attacks reigned on the opponents goal. After some clever one two play, the ball found its way to Bia who pushed it past the defender to take a low drilled shot to the goalies right bottom corner for the lead.
BBFC 1- HHFC 0.
The match kicked off and the opponents shocked by the way in which they had been pegged back attempted to stamp their authority on the game but to no avail. With Tim Song and the ever effervescent Bia chugging away in the heart of midfield, again some clever midfield play released the overlapping ladyboy loving angmoh Philip McCormick who hit a miss directed cross towards the onrushing Siva and Paul. The opponents goalie bewildered by the manner in which the grounder game in, unsure of whether to rush out and grab the ball or let it go wide, could only groan in orgasmic agony as yet again the ball nestled into his bottom right hand corner.
BBFC 2- HHFC 0.
Several Changes were made and the opponents made use of this transition to try to attack. It has to be said that the defensive pairing of the Behemoth and Gayboy has been hitting great heights lately as they looked every resilient in defence, clearing and hacking away at any ball that came at them. HHFC finally pulled one back from a freekick. A curled ball dipping at the very last moment and hitting the crossbar before settling in goal.
BBFC 2- HHFC 1
The second half restarted with several changes. With Bradley Boon playing on the right wing, Wayne on the left, Siva shifting into the supporting midfield role and Paul Pundeh in attack. With more physical presence in attack, and with Bradley Boon in rampaging form down the right, displaying the hunger in him after being out for so long, wave after wave of attacks were thrown towards the oppents yet again. A loose ball fell to Tim Song at the edge of the box, whose attempted shot hit the upright, falling to Wayne who managed to flick it on towards Paul for our giggly prissy whiney enunch to finally do something of some use and head the ball into the goal.
BBFC 3- HHFC 1.
HHFC were stunned from the swagger that BBFC played with that their own swagger had dissipated. Bradley was again involved in the next goal as his low drilled shot was met by Wayne. The keeper could only parry the ball as it fell towards Siva who had all the time in the world to knock it down and volley it into the bottom right corner yet again.
BBFC 4- HHFC 1.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
BangBrothers FC 6 - 1 CPF Collectors FC
Sunday, 17th January 201o
Deyi Secondary School
5pm Afternoon Kickoff
Warm Weather
Unbiasedly Reported By:
Full time NSF (ORD Feb 8th!), Currently Injured Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love,
Jerald Justin Ko.
For the past couple of months, one Bangbrothers FC squad member seems to have had acquired the immensely amazing feat of being able to replicate a “professional” football player, and that individual is none other than our infamous Paul Samuel Seleim a.k.a Luís Carlos Almeida da Cunha a.k.a NANI.
A true enigma of a footballing prodigy, Paul Samuel boasts all the proficiencies required to succeed in the world of modern football such as truly blistering speed, immensely self-glorifying outlook to life, a cannon of a left foot, hair gel – lots and lots of it, cockiness, and somehow a sliver of a footballing brain.
Despite the shortcomings at the offensive half of the field, the Bangbrothers defence was starting to gel together rather cohesively and cleared every loose ball that came their way. Despite the occasional lapses in concentration there was always one man covering the other, with Retz the Behemoth and Mark Loverboy working in tandem to clear any danger.
The Brothers were utilizing the flanks rather effectively and every other attack seemed to go through either Aliff or McCormick but the final ball was somehow always like a night in the sack with Paul Samuel Seleim, as described by many a discerning young lady, exceptionally disappointing.
Drama was to ensue on the half hour when an innocuous looking cross from the byline wasn’t dealt properly by a sleeping giant in defence and the opposition striker was able to somehow poke his middle toe onto the ball. Hands were raised in celebration for a nanosecond but the ever natural camouflage of the obscurely concealed Kalaivaanan came to the rescue as he appeared out of nowhere to perform a miraculous save on the line.
The opposition, made up of a mix of mostly old timers and CPF collectors were seemingly burgeoned by their “near miss”, and started to pile on the pressure with increasing anxiety. That was when team manager Jerald “Blue Steel” Justin decided to put a little spanner in their works, and launched a restless weapon directly imported from the sleepy enclaves of Western Australia, the man they call the legendary “Reverend Pastor”, Brother Daniel.
The introduction of part time impact player and full time Christian missionary Daniel Huang resulted in the brothers doubling their lead, and it was his persistent hassling that allowed Bia to pounce on an indecisive opposition defender, who received a poorly hit back pass from his own teammate. Bia charged down the left hand side after great work from the Reverend, and squared the ball across goal for Manoj to tap home his easiest goal of the season.
2 nil BangBrothers and the Reverend’s work wasn’t done yet.
It was once again the pubescent Wayne who was involved in the buildup and assist to the third goal, charging down the right hand side and swinging in a deliciously hit cross, which dipped faultlessly for Daniel to contort his body into the right frame of elegance. Showing off some marvelous technique aided by the spirit of the lord, Pastor Huang was able to show off some tremendous body work, poise, finesse and flair to execute a perfectly timed volley to rifle home past the keeper and into the top corner with such ferociousness that it could part the South China Sea into two.
Half time couldn’t come quicker from the CPF collectors, who looked as though they needed an Oh Luak or two to settle their nerves.
The second half begin soon after the break, and settling into what was undeniably a lazy mood, the Brothers took a leaf or two out of the Egyptian Extremist’s book and decided to take things easy. The opponents won a quick free kick after some sloppy defending and with a sway and sashay the opposition taker was able to release his centre forward, who was absolutely unmarked and with all the time in the world, was able to ghost in past the entire backline and pull one back for his team.
3-1 and the CPFC FC were looking severely heartened.
The goal was a severe kick up the arse for BBFC and to make matters worse, the opposition started to seriously pile on the pressure once more and looked certain to cut the deficit on countless occasions if not for the work of Kalaivaanan and Mark Teo.
Soon after however the Reverend was in no mood for charity and decided to pluck a goal out of thin air, flying past his marker and delivering a sensationally hit cross for Black Berbatov Manoj to once again pick out an easy finish. The Reverend Pastor was most certainly in scintillating form, and in the words of Sharon Au for Fragrance Xiang Wei Bak Kwa (a dish our very own behemoth is rather fond of), “IT’S TITILLATING!”
With the score at 4-1 the CPF Collectors seemed resigned to their ominous fate and decided to sit back and soak up the forceful might of the BangBrothers Train, which CAME close on several occasions, with a Bia header narrowly missing the goal and a Sivaneson speculative effort brushing the crossbar.
Smelling a whitewash on the cards, BBFC pressed on as another shot from Bia was parried away into the path of the Anaconda, who’s low drilled shot seemed destined for the net until everyone’s favourite Egyptian Extremist, Paul Nani Seleim, after what seemed like an eternity sulking on the left hand side with a work rate of negative 38, came in on his magic carpet ride to steal the goal with a tap in from close range.
As the minutes ticked off, BBFC started casually stroking the ball around and playing out the game with the opponents completely bamboozled by some perfect set plays and one two passing. Just as things seemed to be coming to an end, a through ball from midfield saw Aliff overlapping the entire defence on the Egyptian Extremist’s specially loaned camel and he unleashed a fierce shot towards the near post which the opponents keeper had absolutely zero chance of keeping out. A perfect topping on a leisurely Sunday kickabout, final score, BangBrothers FC 6 – 1 CPF Collectors FC.
Deyi Secondary School
5pm Afternoon Kickoff
Warm Weather
Unbiasedly Reported By:
Full time NSF (ORD Feb 8th!), Currently Injured Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love,
Jerald Justin Ko.
For the past couple of months, one Bangbrothers FC squad member seems to have had acquired the immensely amazing feat of being able to replicate a “professional” football player, and that individual is none other than our infamous Paul Samuel Seleim a.k.a Luís Carlos Almeida da Cunha a.k.a NANI.
A true enigma of a footballing prodigy, Paul Samuel boasts all the proficiencies required to succeed in the world of modern football such as truly blistering speed, immensely self-glorifying outlook to life, a cannon of a left foot, hair gel – lots and lots of it, cockiness, and somehow a sliver of a footballing brain.
However, instead of utilizing his talents, this boy has developed increasingly bad, if not, vile contemptible habits in football, especially the unexplainable art of choosing to jog/saunter/stroll/meander over the ball with acres of space in front of him every single time and attempt an undoable cross field pass (well at least only possible via Paul Scholes, Xavi, and Steven Gerrard, which our dearest Egyptian Extremist most certainly is not) whenever we have a counterattacking opportunity. He instead almost always decides AGAINST turning on the throttle to blast at light speed and actually inflict some real damage through the direct route. Exceedingly frustrating for his team mates, who never knows which Egyptian Extremist would turn up for the game. The one with a passion and desire to give his all to the team or the one who took an MC during a supposed suicide bombing.
Despite his idiocy in decision making, Paul Samuel Seleim was able to record a brace today, and was particularly outstanding for his first goal, where he showed momentary glimpses of brilliance, along with the ever youthful Wayne who showed amazing composure and maturity beyond his years when he commanded the midfield after winning the ball with consummate ease and then released the Egyptian Extremist, who injected his boots with some fossil fuels from the deepest depths of the river Nile and unleashed a ferocious shot with some supreme viciousness, beating the keeper at his near post.
Despite the shortcomings at the offensive half of the field, the Bangbrothers defence was starting to gel together rather cohesively and cleared every loose ball that came their way. Despite the occasional lapses in concentration there was always one man covering the other, with Retz the Behemoth and Mark Loverboy working in tandem to clear any danger.
The Brothers were utilizing the flanks rather effectively and every other attack seemed to go through either Aliff or McCormick but the final ball was somehow always like a night in the sack with Paul Samuel Seleim, as described by many a discerning young lady, exceptionally disappointing.
Drama was to ensue on the half hour when an innocuous looking cross from the byline wasn’t dealt properly by a sleeping giant in defence and the opposition striker was able to somehow poke his middle toe onto the ball. Hands were raised in celebration for a nanosecond but the ever natural camouflage of the obscurely concealed Kalaivaanan came to the rescue as he appeared out of nowhere to perform a miraculous save on the line.
The opposition, made up of a mix of mostly old timers and CPF collectors were seemingly burgeoned by their “near miss”, and started to pile on the pressure with increasing anxiety. That was when team manager Jerald “Blue Steel” Justin decided to put a little spanner in their works, and launched a restless weapon directly imported from the sleepy enclaves of Western Australia, the man they call the legendary “Reverend Pastor”, Brother Daniel.
The introduction of part time impact player and full time Christian missionary Daniel Huang resulted in the brothers doubling their lead, and it was his persistent hassling that allowed Bia to pounce on an indecisive opposition defender, who received a poorly hit back pass from his own teammate. Bia charged down the left hand side after great work from the Reverend, and squared the ball across goal for Manoj to tap home his easiest goal of the season.
2 nil BangBrothers and the Reverend’s work wasn’t done yet.
It was once again the pubescent Wayne who was involved in the buildup and assist to the third goal, charging down the right hand side and swinging in a deliciously hit cross, which dipped faultlessly for Daniel to contort his body into the right frame of elegance. Showing off some marvelous technique aided by the spirit of the lord, Pastor Huang was able to show off some tremendous body work, poise, finesse and flair to execute a perfectly timed volley to rifle home past the keeper and into the top corner with such ferociousness that it could part the South China Sea into two.
Half time couldn’t come quicker from the CPF collectors, who looked as though they needed an Oh Luak or two to settle their nerves.
The second half begin soon after the break, and settling into what was undeniably a lazy mood, the Brothers took a leaf or two out of the Egyptian Extremist’s book and decided to take things easy. The opponents won a quick free kick after some sloppy defending and with a sway and sashay the opposition taker was able to release his centre forward, who was absolutely unmarked and with all the time in the world, was able to ghost in past the entire backline and pull one back for his team.
3-1 and the CPFC FC were looking severely heartened.
The goal was a severe kick up the arse for BBFC and to make matters worse, the opposition started to seriously pile on the pressure once more and looked certain to cut the deficit on countless occasions if not for the work of Kalaivaanan and Mark Teo.
Soon after however the Reverend was in no mood for charity and decided to pluck a goal out of thin air, flying past his marker and delivering a sensationally hit cross for Black Berbatov Manoj to once again pick out an easy finish. The Reverend Pastor was most certainly in scintillating form, and in the words of Sharon Au for Fragrance Xiang Wei Bak Kwa (a dish our very own behemoth is rather fond of), “IT’S TITILLATING!”
With the score at 4-1 the CPF Collectors seemed resigned to their ominous fate and decided to sit back and soak up the forceful might of the BangBrothers Train, which CAME close on several occasions, with a Bia header narrowly missing the goal and a Sivaneson speculative effort brushing the crossbar.
Smelling a whitewash on the cards, BBFC pressed on as another shot from Bia was parried away into the path of the Anaconda, who’s low drilled shot seemed destined for the net until everyone’s favourite Egyptian Extremist, Paul Nani Seleim, after what seemed like an eternity sulking on the left hand side with a work rate of negative 38, came in on his magic carpet ride to steal the goal with a tap in from close range.
As the minutes ticked off, BBFC started casually stroking the ball around and playing out the game with the opponents completely bamboozled by some perfect set plays and one two passing. Just as things seemed to be coming to an end, a through ball from midfield saw Aliff overlapping the entire defence on the Egyptian Extremist’s specially loaned camel and he unleashed a fierce shot towards the near post which the opponents keeper had absolutely zero chance of keeping out. A perfect topping on a leisurely Sunday kickabout, final score, BangBrothers FC 6 – 1 CPF Collectors FC.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
BangBrothers FC 3 - 3 Winchester United FC
Sunday, 10th January 2010
East View Secondary School
5pm Evening Kickoff
Warm Weather
Starting Line up: Kalavanan, Bryan Neubronner, Tim Song, Mark Teo, Paul Selheim, Phil McCormick, J Sinnakannu, Sivaneson, Sonthaya Dunpheri, Mohd Alif, Manoj Menon.
Special Guest Writer: Sivaneson "the Spitting Anaconda" Krishnamoorthy
After an explosive start to 2010, BBFC was forced to make several changes to its starting lineup, with Kalai “SuperStar Rajnikanth” playing in goal after regulars Retz and Irfan were away on personal business, Mark Teo available for a half, Kevin Gomez and Jerald Justin long term injuries, with several unexplained absences from Bradley Boon and Jon Tan. Manoj Menon and Sonthaya Dunpheri were welcomed back into the fray after their holidays over the new years.
The match kicked off with the brothers having to put up with a barely playable pitch. Phil and Bryan were effectively good with the latter dispatched in the rightback position, proving that despite his youthful exuberance, he was able to handle maruding runs down the right, keeping the opponents winger quiet with his tenacity and diligent tracking back. On the other side, Paul was having one of his usual games which he tends to do, often running like a carrot was stuck up his ass, often to the chagrin to his team mates. The right flank was often dangerous and the first chance at goal came from Bia, who from 2 yards out, headed the ball over the net.
The very next attack again fell to the Muaythai superstar who did well to be in the right place and the right time, but was unable to swivel his body to get a shot on goal. With the opponents busy trying to handle the industy of the right flank, it left holding midfielders Siva and Sinnakannu with numerous chances at goal from long range, either stopped by the keeper, or just beyond the left and right uprights.
Mark Teo and Tim Song were ever steady at the back, dealing with the eventual hit and hope balls the opponents were throwing at them. The break through came when Phil and Bryan combined well to send a low drilled ball which was cushioned by overlapping left back Alif for our Egyptian extremist Paul to power in a shot into the bottom corner.
1-0 BBFC
It was not soon after that BBFC hit them within the space of 5 minutes with yet again, this time Phil McCormick, keeping up with his performance last week at right wing, with a pin point cross for Bia, who rose with aplomb to power in a header that went in off the post.
2-0 BBFC
Paul to this point was relatively untroubled, but a cross which hit him on the arm left him stunned, and sucking his thumb as he wondered, and pondered, and giggled about whether the referee was going to blow for a penalty. Apparently, in Egypt, the concept of advantage played on has not reached its sandy shores with the opponent striker knocking it back across the goal for a simple tap in by the left wing.
2-1 WFC
Kalai was at his superstar best with several important clearances and especially one flying one handed save which kept the oppoent’s striker pulllig at his hairs wondering what might have been.
Half Time: BBFC 2- WFC 1
The second half started with Mark Teo having to leave on personal grounds. BBFC was left to reshuffle its formation with Phil moving to centreback and Siva moving out to right wing. From the kick off, our extremist was at the centre of attention. Instead of keeping the play slow and keeping possession, on numerous occasions he tried to give cross court balls which were effective cut out and counter attacked on, much to the chagrin of his team mates. Again, his reponse, dainty fairy like dances and sucking on his thumb with lots of giggling. One such pass was intercepted and with a man down, BBFC was unable to cover the through pass which sent WFC’s striker through on goal for the equaliser.
2-2 WFC
BBFC were clearly shocked as from the restart, WFC had won a freekick, and before BBFC’s backline could organize itself, a knock on was sent in, far too easily past its static defence for WFC to take the lead against ten men. A move that even our resident legend was left flabbergasted.
3-2 WFC
Tactical changes were made, with Bia moving back to centreback to accompany Tim and provide the much needed pace that was lacking, and with Phil moving back to Right wing, and Siva reverting back to his holding midfielder position. Despite the odds and the lack of numbers, BBFC began getting a grip on the game as they did in the first half. Bryan’s overlapping run and eventual cross, a pin point whipped in curler was met by Paul, who moved in between two defenders to header the ball into the top corner. One suspects that his leap, ever so high, was because he spotted underaged pussy which he displays a penchant for behind the fence and that the cross was so good that all it needed was for someone to get a head to it.
3-3 BBFC
BBFC, especially Bryan, whose performance today easily warranted him the MOM award was getting into his groove in the right back position with another whipped in cross which this time fell to Manoj Menon who narrowly headed over the bar. The Full time whistle blew, and despite maintain their unbeaten run in 2010, it left the Brothers wondering what might have been if they had been at full strength throughout the whole game.
Final Score:
BBFC 3- WFC 3
East View Secondary School
5pm Evening Kickoff
Warm Weather
Starting Line up: Kalavanan, Bryan Neubronner, Tim Song, Mark Teo, Paul Selheim, Phil McCormick, J Sinnakannu, Sivaneson, Sonthaya Dunpheri, Mohd Alif, Manoj Menon.
Special Guest Writer: Sivaneson "the Spitting Anaconda" Krishnamoorthy
After an explosive start to 2010, BBFC was forced to make several changes to its starting lineup, with Kalai “SuperStar Rajnikanth” playing in goal after regulars Retz and Irfan were away on personal business, Mark Teo available for a half, Kevin Gomez and Jerald Justin long term injuries, with several unexplained absences from Bradley Boon and Jon Tan. Manoj Menon and Sonthaya Dunpheri were welcomed back into the fray after their holidays over the new years.
The match kicked off with the brothers having to put up with a barely playable pitch. Phil and Bryan were effectively good with the latter dispatched in the rightback position, proving that despite his youthful exuberance, he was able to handle maruding runs down the right, keeping the opponents winger quiet with his tenacity and diligent tracking back. On the other side, Paul was having one of his usual games which he tends to do, often running like a carrot was stuck up his ass, often to the chagrin to his team mates. The right flank was often dangerous and the first chance at goal came from Bia, who from 2 yards out, headed the ball over the net.
The very next attack again fell to the Muaythai superstar who did well to be in the right place and the right time, but was unable to swivel his body to get a shot on goal. With the opponents busy trying to handle the industy of the right flank, it left holding midfielders Siva and Sinnakannu with numerous chances at goal from long range, either stopped by the keeper, or just beyond the left and right uprights.
Mark Teo and Tim Song were ever steady at the back, dealing with the eventual hit and hope balls the opponents were throwing at them. The break through came when Phil and Bryan combined well to send a low drilled ball which was cushioned by overlapping left back Alif for our Egyptian extremist Paul to power in a shot into the bottom corner.
1-0 BBFC
It was not soon after that BBFC hit them within the space of 5 minutes with yet again, this time Phil McCormick, keeping up with his performance last week at right wing, with a pin point cross for Bia, who rose with aplomb to power in a header that went in off the post.
2-0 BBFC
Paul to this point was relatively untroubled, but a cross which hit him on the arm left him stunned, and sucking his thumb as he wondered, and pondered, and giggled about whether the referee was going to blow for a penalty. Apparently, in Egypt, the concept of advantage played on has not reached its sandy shores with the opponent striker knocking it back across the goal for a simple tap in by the left wing.
2-1 WFC
Kalai was at his superstar best with several important clearances and especially one flying one handed save which kept the oppoent’s striker pulllig at his hairs wondering what might have been.
Half Time: BBFC 2- WFC 1
The second half started with Mark Teo having to leave on personal grounds. BBFC was left to reshuffle its formation with Phil moving to centreback and Siva moving out to right wing. From the kick off, our extremist was at the centre of attention. Instead of keeping the play slow and keeping possession, on numerous occasions he tried to give cross court balls which were effective cut out and counter attacked on, much to the chagrin of his team mates. Again, his reponse, dainty fairy like dances and sucking on his thumb with lots of giggling. One such pass was intercepted and with a man down, BBFC was unable to cover the through pass which sent WFC’s striker through on goal for the equaliser.
2-2 WFC
BBFC were clearly shocked as from the restart, WFC had won a freekick, and before BBFC’s backline could organize itself, a knock on was sent in, far too easily past its static defence for WFC to take the lead against ten men. A move that even our resident legend was left flabbergasted.
3-2 WFC
Tactical changes were made, with Bia moving back to centreback to accompany Tim and provide the much needed pace that was lacking, and with Phil moving back to Right wing, and Siva reverting back to his holding midfielder position. Despite the odds and the lack of numbers, BBFC began getting a grip on the game as they did in the first half. Bryan’s overlapping run and eventual cross, a pin point whipped in curler was met by Paul, who moved in between two defenders to header the ball into the top corner. One suspects that his leap, ever so high, was because he spotted underaged pussy which he displays a penchant for behind the fence and that the cross was so good that all it needed was for someone to get a head to it.
3-3 BBFC
BBFC, especially Bryan, whose performance today easily warranted him the MOM award was getting into his groove in the right back position with another whipped in cross which this time fell to Manoj Menon who narrowly headed over the bar. The Full time whistle blew, and despite maintain their unbeaten run in 2010, it left the Brothers wondering what might have been if they had been at full strength throughout the whole game.
Final Score:
BBFC 3- WFC 3
Monday, January 4, 2010
BangBrothers FC 7 - 0 Team Perillys Black & Gold
Sunday, 3rd January 201o
Temasek Secondary School
3pm Afternoon Kickoff
F&*king HOT Weather
Many apologies for the recent hiatus, Jerald Justin is back and writing once again! Hope you enjoy the match report =) with much love.
Philip McCormick, a player who is usually at the butt end of racist angmo jokes due to his gnawingly gangly frame and white trash good looks proved his worth today with a supreme performance that gave the team an absolutely comprehensive victory, and should put many of BangBrothers FC’s recent detractors and critics alike to absolute shame, and in the words of the great Argentine Maradona, “to suck it, and carry on sucking it.” (Appropriate Hand Gestures included)
BangBrothers FC started the New Year without key players such as the August and November Player of the Month awardees, the evergreen one touch thank you very much “Black Berbatov” Manoj Menon and Muay Thai Superstar Sonthaya I kick your head off to the nearest HDB block “Bia” Dunpheri, who were away for holidays with their families.
After last week’s disastrous outing where the opposition had every single shot on goal end up in the back of our net, particularly due to an “under the weather” custodian, Ganesh the flying elephant Barthezella Kurup, it was imperative that the team bounce straight back up from the jaws of a humiliating defeat. And bounce back we most certainly did, with a magnificent seven shining ever so brightly on the stadium scoreboard.
Starting the game with a mix and match eleven, the Bangbrothers welcomed back new signing Muhammad Irfan “Rezal Hassan” Khalis, whose tremendous shot stopping abilities and commanding voice in goal proved to be the saviour of our skins on many an occasion.
The back four boasted a central partnership of Mark “Loverboy” Teo and Retz “Swine Flu” Fernando (who has been under the weather recently) with wingbacks “old Man” Sashi and Philip “the AngMo” McCormick .
The rest of the line-up saw on loan players Aaron “Home United” Sim, Peter “Greek Singaporean” Houlis, Asnul “Cesc Beckham” Hafiy and Jonathan “why you punch me” Sinakannu in the heart of midfield. The part time homosexual, part time underage girl sex offender, and full time Egyptian Extremist Paul Samuel Seleim and the ever domineering Sivaneson “Spitting Anaconda” Krishnamoorthy played up front.
The BangBrothers started the game in cautious fashion, relying on short passes sideways down the flanks, whilst B&G relied on hopeful punts up field. The first real chance fell to crowd favourite Anaconda Sivaneson whose shot on the turn was deflected over for a corner after some good work by veteran Sashi, who bombed forward from the left back position to pick out a slide rule pass. No Steven “Rubbish” Neubronner to scream his namesake in relation to Siva’s miss then, as he too was on holiday with his family in gorgeous Thailand.
The breakthrough finally came in rather dramatic fashion, with Sinakannu finding himself on the left wing and in possession of the ball. Cutting in with his right, he swung his boot a la David Beckham for a cross-shot and it somehow hit the crossbar, Khai came rushing in with the obstinacy of a pitbull and he sliced the ball across the penalty box and there was Peter Houlis, like his national hero, Euro 2004 Andreas Charisteas, at the very right place at the very right time. The “Greek God” from Singapore made absolutely no mistakes when the ball came rushing to his feet, and he thumped it home with an emphatic shot that settled itself into the bottom corner for the lead.
Old Dog Aaron Sim was doing an incredible job in midfield, doing the work of three men as he charged in for challenges and seemed to cover every blade of grass in the BangBrothers half, vacuuming every bit of opposition rubbish along the way as he lived up to his nickname, “the Cleaner”.
Midway through the first half, the Bangbrothers had to make several changes as the searing heat from the scorching sun took its toll on the players. October Player of the Month Timothy “the Legend” Song came into midfield to bolster it with his legendary presence, with Philip the AngMo moving out to right wing. It was a strategy that paid instant dividends, with two carbon copy goals in quick succession, the Brothers were 3 nil up in no time.
McCormick, rather unsurprisingly as he has matured and improved his game in leaps and bounds during these last few months, was influential for both the goals, running down the right with some immense doggedness and sent in two pinpoint low crosses for the Anaconda to carry out the simplest of tasks, tapping in the second and third goals with consummate ease. He couldn’t, however, get his hat trick 5 minutes later when a similar ball came in from the right hand side once more, and instead of side footing with his left, Sivaneson decided to angle the ball away from goal with the outside of his boot. Terribly wrong, and it left the bald one rather red faced, murmuring something about angles and trigonometry.
Sivaneson however made amends and even repaid the favour to Philip the AngMo McCormick minutes later, with a cross of exact likeness for Philip to side foot ardently into the net. It was four and the Brothers were looking rampant.
Half time- BBFC 4 B&G 0
As the players walked back on the pitch, a reality that was staring straight into their faces was the fact that it was a truly hot and sunny afternoon, with the blistering heat reflecting off the artificial turf, draining the players of their natural energy and making it much tougher to stay focused, what with the intense partying and drinking the previous week as they all ushered in Christmas and the New Year.
And yet, as their unwavering resolve to attack showed, no amount of intoxicating alcohol, sweltering warmth, or lack of vigour could stop the Brothers from making their mark on this brand new year.
The second half started as how the first ended with BBFC pushing on, a through pass from the “Cleaner” Aaron Sim, whose foray into the opposition half found Philip completely unmarked. Doing his best impression of Flo Rida and T Pain, the AngMo did what he does best off the field as seen from his underage forays into the Clark Quay Nightclubs with his Asian Best Friends, Johnson Cheung & Shaneel Parikh, as he executed a bit of Popping, Locking, and Krumping in front of the goal with the opposition keeper absolutely flabbergasted and dumbfounded. Philip McCormick did a final Billie Jean impression soon after and scraped the ball home for the BangBrothers fifth. It was a record 19.32 seconds of hip hop break dancing whilst holding off a yellow man behind his back that made this goal truly special.
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Full time NSF (ORD Feb 8th!), Currently Injured Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love,
Jerald Justin Ko.
Temasek Secondary School
3pm Afternoon Kickoff
F&*king HOT Weather
Many apologies for the recent hiatus, Jerald Justin is back and writing once again! Hope you enjoy the match report =) with much love.
Philip McCormick, a player who is usually at the butt end of racist angmo jokes due to his gnawingly gangly frame and white trash good looks proved his worth today with a supreme performance that gave the team an absolutely comprehensive victory, and should put many of BangBrothers FC’s recent detractors and critics alike to absolute shame, and in the words of the great Argentine Maradona, “to suck it, and carry on sucking it.” (Appropriate Hand Gestures included)
BangBrothers FC started the New Year without key players such as the August and November Player of the Month awardees, the evergreen one touch thank you very much “Black Berbatov” Manoj Menon and Muay Thai Superstar Sonthaya I kick your head off to the nearest HDB block “Bia” Dunpheri, who were away for holidays with their families.
After last week’s disastrous outing where the opposition had every single shot on goal end up in the back of our net, particularly due to an “under the weather” custodian, Ganesh the flying elephant Barthezella Kurup, it was imperative that the team bounce straight back up from the jaws of a humiliating defeat. And bounce back we most certainly did, with a magnificent seven shining ever so brightly on the stadium scoreboard.
Starting the game with a mix and match eleven, the Bangbrothers welcomed back new signing Muhammad Irfan “Rezal Hassan” Khalis, whose tremendous shot stopping abilities and commanding voice in goal proved to be the saviour of our skins on many an occasion.
The back four boasted a central partnership of Mark “Loverboy” Teo and Retz “Swine Flu” Fernando (who has been under the weather recently) with wingbacks “old Man” Sashi and Philip “the AngMo” McCormick .
The rest of the line-up saw on loan players Aaron “Home United” Sim, Peter “Greek Singaporean” Houlis, Asnul “Cesc Beckham” Hafiy and Jonathan “why you punch me” Sinakannu in the heart of midfield. The part time homosexual, part time underage girl sex offender, and full time Egyptian Extremist Paul Samuel Seleim and the ever domineering Sivaneson “Spitting Anaconda” Krishnamoorthy played up front.
The BangBrothers started the game in cautious fashion, relying on short passes sideways down the flanks, whilst B&G relied on hopeful punts up field. The first real chance fell to crowd favourite Anaconda Sivaneson whose shot on the turn was deflected over for a corner after some good work by veteran Sashi, who bombed forward from the left back position to pick out a slide rule pass. No Steven “Rubbish” Neubronner to scream his namesake in relation to Siva’s miss then, as he too was on holiday with his family in gorgeous Thailand.
The breakthrough finally came in rather dramatic fashion, with Sinakannu finding himself on the left wing and in possession of the ball. Cutting in with his right, he swung his boot a la David Beckham for a cross-shot and it somehow hit the crossbar, Khai came rushing in with the obstinacy of a pitbull and he sliced the ball across the penalty box and there was Peter Houlis, like his national hero, Euro 2004 Andreas Charisteas, at the very right place at the very right time. The “Greek God” from Singapore made absolutely no mistakes when the ball came rushing to his feet, and he thumped it home with an emphatic shot that settled itself into the bottom corner for the lead.
Old Dog Aaron Sim was doing an incredible job in midfield, doing the work of three men as he charged in for challenges and seemed to cover every blade of grass in the BangBrothers half, vacuuming every bit of opposition rubbish along the way as he lived up to his nickname, “the Cleaner”.
Midway through the first half, the Bangbrothers had to make several changes as the searing heat from the scorching sun took its toll on the players. October Player of the Month Timothy “the Legend” Song came into midfield to bolster it with his legendary presence, with Philip the AngMo moving out to right wing. It was a strategy that paid instant dividends, with two carbon copy goals in quick succession, the Brothers were 3 nil up in no time.
McCormick, rather unsurprisingly as he has matured and improved his game in leaps and bounds during these last few months, was influential for both the goals, running down the right with some immense doggedness and sent in two pinpoint low crosses for the Anaconda to carry out the simplest of tasks, tapping in the second and third goals with consummate ease. He couldn’t, however, get his hat trick 5 minutes later when a similar ball came in from the right hand side once more, and instead of side footing with his left, Sivaneson decided to angle the ball away from goal with the outside of his boot. Terribly wrong, and it left the bald one rather red faced, murmuring something about angles and trigonometry.
Sivaneson however made amends and even repaid the favour to Philip the AngMo McCormick minutes later, with a cross of exact likeness for Philip to side foot ardently into the net. It was four and the Brothers were looking rampant.
Half time- BBFC 4 B&G 0
As the players walked back on the pitch, a reality that was staring straight into their faces was the fact that it was a truly hot and sunny afternoon, with the blistering heat reflecting off the artificial turf, draining the players of their natural energy and making it much tougher to stay focused, what with the intense partying and drinking the previous week as they all ushered in Christmas and the New Year.
And yet, as their unwavering resolve to attack showed, no amount of intoxicating alcohol, sweltering warmth, or lack of vigour could stop the Brothers from making their mark on this brand new year.
The second half started as how the first ended with BBFC pushing on, a through pass from the “Cleaner” Aaron Sim, whose foray into the opposition half found Philip completely unmarked. Doing his best impression of Flo Rida and T Pain, the AngMo did what he does best off the field as seen from his underage forays into the Clark Quay Nightclubs with his Asian Best Friends, Johnson Cheung & Shaneel Parikh, as he executed a bit of Popping, Locking, and Krumping in front of the goal with the opposition keeper absolutely flabbergasted and dumbfounded. Philip McCormick did a final Billie Jean impression soon after and scraped the ball home for the BangBrothers fifth. It was a record 19.32 seconds of hip hop break dancing whilst holding off a yellow man behind his back that made this goal truly special.
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Johnson Cheung, Philip McCormick, Shaneel Parikh. BFFs
B&G started getting desperate and tackles were flying from every direction, especially two footed ones from a particular number 16, but alas it was to no avail as every long ball they pumped forward was efficiently mopped up by the two centrebacks once homo-partners the Loverboy and the Behemoth, along with the trio of the Legend Timothy Song, the Cleaner Aaron Sim, and the Why You Punch Me Sinakannu, who was ever commanding in midfield.
The Egyptian Extremist Paul Samuel Seleim, who had a rather tumultuous week, what after taking part in an 8-1 mauling, attempted to release all tension by giving his all to a visiting promiscuous Norwegian teen whom unbeknownst to him was severely under-aged and had to undergo probes from the CID for his part in the ravaging sexual assault (note: all charges have since been dropped and settled out of court. It’s Interesting to pin your ears back and notice that the young girl went back to her motherland carrying a rather large briefcase of countless stacks of Egyptian Gineih) Not only that but the ISD also came a knocking when his once best friend, ex-classmate in the Al Qaeda Academy for Young Boys, and fellow Liverpool supporter, failed terrorist Umar Abdulmutallab was arrested last week. Poor Seleim had to undergo a weekend of back door probing and non stop interrogations in a cage full of rats.
Despite all these proverbial monkeys on his C4 laden back, the Egyptian Extremist gave BBFC their satanic sixth after Sivaneson moved out to the right hand side and drilled yet another low ball across goal. In came the Egyptian running with aplomb and he somehow got his knee onto the ball and it scampered and scurried into the back of the net, settling itself contentedly; no AK-47 celebrations this time though, it was knees bended kneeling and head bowed to touch the ground, as the Pharaoh prayed for mercy in the new year after what has been, in no inflated proportions, a truly turbulent week for him.
(The rumoured Norweigian underaged maneater, whom the New Paper claimed that our Egyptian Extremist bonked over the Christmas weekend.)
It was bread and butter after that as BBFC controlled the game, as Philip provided his third assist to Siva, picking out the forward after he had beat the offside trap between two defenders with enough time to pick a spot for his shocking hat trick.
It was a rare and special occasion for the spitting Anaconda, widely known among the footballing fraternity for having a first touch as gentle as a rapist and the aggressiveness of a canteen lady. For someone undergoing chronic back problems, it is somehow amazing that he can still bring home the bacon and score a hat trick in the process.
In true Liverpundian fashion, we proclaim with absolute belief, “our season starts now”. (But unlike last season’s overachievers Liverpool of course we will attempt not to lose our very next game!) Seven Zero winners at the start of the New Year, let us hope for more special things to come for the next 360 days for the Back Door Breakers and the Plunderers of Virginity, BangBrothers FC.
Unbiasedly Reported By:Full time NSF (ORD Feb 8th!), Currently Injured Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love,
Jerald Justin Ko.
Player of the Month for December 2009
Heartiest Congratulations to xxx the BangBrothers FC Player of the Month for December after some fast and furious voting from BangBrothers FC Squad and WAGS.
Manoj Menon : Player of the Month for November 2009
Heartiest Congratulations to Part Time Centre Forward, Part Time Poker Mentor and Full Time Pilot Father, MANOJ MENON, the BangBrothers FC Player of the Month for November after some fast and furious voting from BangBrothers FC Squad and WAGS.
Known affectionately as the Black Berbatov amongst the weekend footballing fraternity, Manoj Menon is a traditional old school centre forward with a modern day touch of class. Kind of like a mixture of aged wine and fresh bubbly champagne. With a sublime first touch not unlike that of a Paediatric Nurse and the innocuous grace of a Swan Lake Ballerina, Manoj Menon has scored goals with genuine class and royalty.
Though often guilty for missing the easiest chances in front of goal, many have forgiven him for the subsequent moments of brillaince where the Black Berbatov seems to just pluck a stinging ball out of the air and caress it with incredible gentleness, before unleashing a strike of such venom that goalkeepers hardly blink before realizing that the ball has already travelled into the back of the bulging net.
Definately a man who never scores simple goals, just great ones.
Well done to everyone nonetheless, the performances from every single squad member have been breathtaking to say the very least. Keep it up and remember that everyone's watching- YOU could be the NEXT BangBrothers FC Player of the Month!
Timothy Song : Player of the Month for October 2009
Heartiest Congratulations to TIMOTHY SONG, the BangBrothers FC Player of the Month for October after some fast and furious voting from BangBrothers FC Squad and WAGS.
A LEGEND on the field and off it, Timothy Song is renowned for being an individual with a hardline no nonsense reputation and infallible personality.
Playing in the destroyer role sitting in the pocket right in front of the defence, the LEGEND has ended careers in an instant, with his crunching challenges and aggressive foreplay. A sure choice in any manager's starting eleven, Timothy Song is the ULTIMATE player and a LIVING LEGEND. Bow down to the jedi master of football and watch in awe as he uses the FORCE to power his way through the game and cover every single blade of grass on the pitch, and off it.
Well done to everyone nonetheless, the performances from every single squad member have been breathtaking to say the very least. Keep it up and remember that everyone's watching- YOU could be the NEXT BangBrothers FC Player of the Month!
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