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BangBrothers FC 4 - 1 Haris Halal FC

2010-02-01T06:15:00.000-08:00

Sunday 31st January 2010
Pasir Ris Crescent Secondary School
5pm Afternoon Kickoff
Warm Weather

Special Guest Writer: Sivaneson "Anaconda" Krishnamoorthy

Starting Line up: Irfan, Phil, Retz, Mark, Kalai, Bryan, Bia, Tim Song, Paul, Wayne, Siva

It was a case of an old rivalry rekindled as BBFC watched a team that they had been soundly beaten by a few months back during the height of its injury crisis at St Wilfred’s saunter onto the pitch thinking it would be another day in the park for them. BBFC were without still injured utlity player Kevin Gomez, mercurial Jerald Justin, and overlapping Alif, whilst Manoj Menon was given the day off with personal commitments (also as a precursor for his beloved Arsenal's thrashing at the hands of Champions Manchester United).

On a rather bumpy field, BBFC kicked off attacking the opponents from the very beginning. The first real chance of the game fell to Paul who as usual, did a hop and skip, choosing to fire way over the bar rather than crossing the ball to on rushing strikers. The alarms had be sounded no less as wave after wave of attacks reigned on the opponents goal. After some clever one two play, the ball found its way to Bia who pushed it past the defender to take a low drilled shot to the goalies right bottom corner for the lead.

BBFC 1- HHFC 0.

The match kicked off and the opponents shocked by the way in which they had been pegged back attempted to stamp their authority on the game but to no avail. With Tim Song and the ever effervescent Bia chugging away in the heart of midfield, again some clever midfield play released the overlapping ladyboy loving angmoh Philip McCormick who hit a miss directed cross towards the onrushing Siva and Paul. The opponents goalie bewildered by the manner in which the grounder game in, unsure of whether to rush out and grab the ball or let it go wide, could only groan in orgasmic agony as yet again the ball nestled into his bottom right hand corner.

BBFC 2- HHFC 0.

Several Changes were made and the opponents made use of this transition to try to attack. It has to be said that the defensive pairing of the Behemoth and Gayboy has been hitting great heights lately as they looked every resilient in defence, clearing and hacking away at any ball that came at them. HHFC finally pulled one back from a freekick. A curled ball dipping at the very last moment and hitting the crossbar before settling in goal.

BBFC 2- HHFC 1

The second half restarted with several changes. With Bradley Boon playing on the right wing, Wayne on the left, Siva shifting into the supporting midfield role and Paul Pundeh in attack. With more physical presence in attack, and with Bradley Boon in rampaging form down the right, displaying the hunger in him after being out for so long, wave after wave of attacks were thrown towards the oppents yet again. A loose ball fell to Tim Song at the edge of the box, whose attempted shot hit the upright, falling to Wayne who managed to flick it on towards Paul for our giggly prissy whiney enunch to finally do something of some use and head the ball into the goal.

BBFC 3- HHFC 1.

HHFC were stunned from the swagger that BBFC played with that their own swagger had dissipated. Bradley was again involved in the next goal as his low drilled shot was met by Wayne. The keeper could only parry the ball as it fell towards Siva who had all the time in the world to knock it down and volley it into the bottom right corner yet again.

BBFC 4- HHFC 1.

BangBrothers FC 6 - 1 CPF Collectors FC

2010-01-20T09:15:00.000-08:00

Sunday, 17th January 201o
Deyi Secondary School
5pm Afternoon Kickoff
Warm Weather

Unbiasedly Reported By:
Full time NSF (ORD Feb 8th!), Currently Injured Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love,
Jerald Justin Ko.

For the past couple of months, one Bangbrothers FC squad member seems to have had acquired the immensely amazing feat of being able to replicate a “professional” football player, and that individual is none other than our infamous Paul Samuel Seleim a.k.a Luís Carlos Almeida da Cunha a.k.a NANI.

A true enigma of a footballing prodigy, Paul Samuel boasts all the proficiencies required to succeed in the world of modern football such as truly blistering speed, immensely self-glorifying outlook to life, a cannon of a left foot, hair gel – lots and lots of it, cockiness, and somehow a sliver of a footballing brain.

However, instead of utilizing his talents, this boy has developed increasingly bad, if not, vile contemptible habits in football, especially the unexplainable art of choosing to jog/saunter/stroll/meander over the ball with acres of space in front of him every single time and attempt an undoable cross field pass (well at least only possible via Paul Scholes, Xavi, and Steven Gerrard, which our dearest Egyptian Extremist most certainly is not) whenever we have a counterattacking opportunity. He instead almost always decides AGAINST turning on the throttle to blast at light speed and actually inflict some real damage through the direct route. Exceedingly frustrating for his team mates, who never knows which Egyptian Extremist would turn up for the game. The one with a passion and desire to give his all to the team or the one who took an MC during a supposed suicide bombing.

Despite his idiocy in decision making, Paul Samuel Seleim was able to record a brace today, and was particularly outstanding for his first goal, where he showed momentary glimpses of brilliance, along with the ever youthful Wayne who showed amazing composure and maturity beyond his years when he commanded the midfield after winning the ball with consummate ease and then released the Egyptian Extremist, who injected his boots with some fossil fuels from the deepest depths of the river Nile and unleashed a ferocious shot with some supreme viciousness, beating the keeper at his near post.

But it was the usual Paul Samuel after that, choosing wrong options every single time and even missing a clear as daylight lucid chance on goal when he chose to lob the goalkeeper during one golden platter counterattacking move instead of releasing free players on his right and left, or even attempting a simple grounder to finish off the three on one chance. The conceited smugness once again got to his over-gelled head and back he was to emulating his secret love, Luis the Peacock Nani. Bia in particular wasn't too amused with his workrate, or rather, lack thereof, and was constantly screaming "PAUL PLLLEESSSIIIRRR! PAAULLL WHY YOU NEBBERR PASSS!"

Despite the shortcomings at the offensive half of the field, the Bangbrothers defence was starting to gel together rather cohesively and cleared every loose ball that came their way. Despite the occasional lapses in concentration there was always one man covering the other, with Retz the Behemoth and Mark Loverboy working in tandem to clear any danger.

The Brothers were utilizing the flanks rather effectively and every other attack seemed to go through either Aliff or McCormick but the final ball was somehow always like a night in the sack with Paul Samuel Seleim, as described by many a discerning young lady, exceptionally disappointing.

Drama was to ensue on the half hour when an innocuous looking cross from the byline wasn’t dealt properly by a sleeping giant in defence and the opposition striker was able to somehow poke his middle toe onto the ball. Hands were raised in celebration for a nanosecond but the ever natural camouflage of the obscurely concealed Kalaivaanan came to the rescue as he appeared out of nowhere to perform a miraculous save on the line.

The opposition, made up of a mix of mostly old timers and CPF collectors were seemingly burgeoned by their “near miss”, and started to pile on the pressure with increasing anxiety. That was when team manager Jerald “Blue Steel” Justin decided to put a little spanner in their works, and launched a restless weapon directly imported from the sleepy enclaves of Western Australia, the man they call the legendary “Reverend Pastor”, Brother Daniel.

The introduction of part time impact player and full time Christian missionary Daniel Huang resulted in the brothers doubling their lead, and it was his persistent hassling that allowed Bia to pounce on an indecisive opposition defender, who received a poorly hit back pass from his own teammate. Bia charged down the left hand side after great work from the Reverend, and squared the ball across goal for Manoj to tap home his easiest goal of the season.

2 nil BangBrothers and the Reverend’s work wasn’t done yet.

It was once again the pubescent Wayne who was involved in the buildup and assist to the third goal, charging down the right hand side and swinging in a deliciously hit cross, which dipped faultlessly for Daniel to contort his body into the right frame of elegance. Showing off some marvelous technique aided by the spirit of the lord, Pastor Huang was able to show off some tremendous body work, poise, finesse and flair to execute a perfectly timed volley to rifle home past the keeper and into the top corner with such ferociousness that it could part the South China Sea into two.
Half time couldn’t come quicker from the CPF collectors, who looked as though they needed an Oh Luak or two to settle their nerves.

The second half begin soon after the break, and settling into what was undeniably a lazy mood, the Brothers took a leaf or two out of the Egyptian Extremist’s book and decided to take things easy. The opponents won a quick free kick after some sloppy defending and with a sway and sashay the opposition taker was able to release his centre forward, who was absolutely unmarked and with all the time in the world, was able to ghost in past the entire backline and pull one back for his team.
3-1 and the CPFC FC were looking severely heartened.

The goal was a severe kick up the arse for BBFC and to make matters worse, the opposition started to seriously pile on the pressure once more and looked certain to cut the deficit on countless occasions if not for the work of Kalaivaanan and Mark Teo.

Soon after however the Reverend was in no mood for charity and decided to pluck a goal out of thin air, flying past his marker and delivering a sensationally hit cross for Black Berbatov Manoj to once again pick out an easy finish. The Reverend Pastor was most certainly in scintillating form, and in the words of Sharon Au for Fragrance Xiang Wei Bak Kwa (a dish our very own behemoth is rather fond of), “IT’S TITILLATING!”

With the score at 4-1 the CPF Collectors seemed resigned to their ominous fate and decided to sit back and soak up the forceful might of the BangBrothers Train, which CAME close on several occasions, with a Bia header narrowly missing the goal and a Sivaneson speculative effort brushing the crossbar.

Smelling a whitewash on the cards, BBFC pressed on as another shot from Bia was parried away into the path of the Anaconda, who’s low drilled shot seemed destined for the net until everyone’s favourite Egyptian Extremist, Paul Nani Seleim, after what seemed like an eternity sulking on the left hand side with a work rate of negative 38, came in on his magic carpet ride to steal the goal with a tap in from close range.

As the minutes ticked off, BBFC started casually stroking the ball around and playing out the game with the opponents completely bamboozled by some perfect set plays and one two passing. Just as things seemed to be coming to an end, a through ball from midfield saw Aliff overlapping the entire defence on the Egyptian Extremist’s specially loaned camel and he unleashed a fierce shot towards the near post which the opponents keeper had absolutely zero chance of keeping out. A perfect topping on a leisurely Sunday kickabout, final score, BangBrothers FC 6 – 1 CPF Collectors FC.

BangBrothers FC 3 - 3 Winchester United FC

2010-01-10T08:35:00.000-08:00

Sunday, 10th January 2010
East View Secondary School
5pm Evening Kickoff
Warm Weather

Starting Line up: Kalavanan, Bryan Neubronner, Tim Song, Mark Teo, Paul Selheim, Phil McCormick, J Sinnakannu, Sivaneson, Sonthaya Dunpheri, Mohd Alif, Manoj Menon.

Special Guest Writer: Sivaneson "the Spitting Anaconda" Krishnamoorthy

After an explosive start to 2010, BBFC was forced to make several changes to its starting lineup, with Kalai “SuperStar Rajnikanth” playing in goal after regulars Retz and Irfan were away on personal business, Mark Teo available for a half, Kevin Gomez and Jerald Justin long term injuries, with several unexplained absences from Bradley Boon and Jon Tan. Manoj Menon and Sonthaya Dunpheri were welcomed back into the fray after their holidays over the new years.

The match kicked off with the brothers having to put up with a barely playable pitch. Phil and Bryan were effectively good with the latter dispatched in the rightback position, proving that despite his youthful exuberance, he was able to handle maruding runs down the right, keeping the opponents winger quiet with his tenacity and diligent tracking back. On the other side, Paul was having one of his usual games which he tends to do, often running like a carrot was stuck up his ass, often to the chagrin to his team mates. The right flank was often dangerous and the first chance at goal came from Bia, who from 2 yards out, headed the ball over the net.

The very next attack again fell to the Muaythai superstar who did well to be in the right place and the right time, but was unable to swivel his body to get a shot on goal. With the opponents busy trying to handle the industy of the right flank, it left holding midfielders Siva and Sinnakannu with numerous chances at goal from long range, either stopped by the keeper, or just beyond the left and right uprights.

Mark Teo and Tim Song were ever steady at the back, dealing with the eventual hit and hope balls the opponents were throwing at them. The break through came when Phil and Bryan combined well to send a low drilled ball which was cushioned by overlapping left back Alif for our Egyptian extremist Paul to power in a shot into the bottom corner.

1-0 BBFC

It was not soon after that BBFC hit them within the space of 5 minutes with yet again, this time Phil McCormick, keeping up with his performance last week at right wing, with a pin point cross for Bia, who rose with aplomb to power in a header that went in off the post.

2-0 BBFC

Paul to this point was relatively untroubled, but a cross which hit him on the arm left him stunned, and sucking his thumb as he wondered, and pondered, and giggled about whether the referee was going to blow for a penalty. Apparently, in Egypt, the concept of advantage played on has not reached its sandy shores with the opponent striker knocking it back across the goal for a simple tap in by the left wing.

2-1 WFC

Kalai was at his superstar best with several important clearances and especially one flying one handed save which kept the oppoent’s striker pulllig at his hairs wondering what might have been.

Half Time: BBFC 2- WFC 1

The second half started with Mark Teo having to leave on personal grounds. BBFC was left to reshuffle its formation with Phil moving to centreback and Siva moving out to right wing. From the kick off, our extremist was at the centre of attention. Instead of keeping the play slow and keeping possession, on numerous occasions he tried to give cross court balls which were effective cut out and counter attacked on, much to the chagrin of his team mates. Again, his reponse, dainty fairy like dances and sucking on his thumb with lots of giggling. One such pass was intercepted and with a man down, BBFC was unable to cover the through pass which sent WFC’s striker through on goal for the equaliser.

2-2 WFC

BBFC were clearly shocked as from the restart, WFC had won a freekick, and before BBFC’s backline could organize itself, a knock on was sent in, far too easily past its static defence for WFC to take the lead against ten men. A move that even our resident legend was left flabbergasted.

3-2 WFC

Tactical changes were made, with Bia moving back to centreback to accompany Tim and provide the much needed pace that was lacking, and with Phil moving back to Right wing, and Siva reverting back to his holding midfielder position. Despite the odds and the lack of numbers, BBFC began getting a grip on the game as they did in the first half. Bryan’s overlapping run and eventual cross, a pin point whipped in curler was met by Paul, who moved in between two defenders to header the ball into the top corner. One suspects that his leap, ever so high, was because he spotted underaged pussy which he displays a penchant for behind the fence and that the cross was so good that all it needed was for someone to get a head to it.

3-3 BBFC

BBFC, especially Bryan, whose performance today easily warranted him the MOM award was getting into his groove in the right back position with another whipped in cross which this time fell to Manoj Menon who narrowly headed over the bar. The Full time whistle blew, and despite maintain their unbeaten run in 2010, it left the Brothers wondering what might have been if they had been at full strength throughout the whole game.

Final Score:
BBFC 3- WFC 3

BangBrothers FC 7 - 0 Team Perillys Black & Gold

2010-01-04T11:01:00.000-08:00

Sunday, 3rd January 201o
Temasek Secondary School
3pm Afternoon Kickoff
F&*king HOT Weather

Many apologies for the recent hiatus, Jerald Justin is back and writing once again! Hope you enjoy the match report =) with much love.

Philip McCormick, a player who is usually at the butt end of racist angmo jokes due to his gnawingly gangly frame and white trash good looks proved his worth today with a supreme performance that gave the team an absolutely comprehensive victory, and should put many of BangBrothers FC’s recent detractors and critics alike to absolute shame, and in the words of the great Argentine Maradona, “to suck it, and carry on sucking it.” (Appropriate Hand Gestures included)

BangBrothers FC started the New Year without key players such as the August and November Player of the Month awardees, the evergreen one touch thank you very much “Black Berbatov” Manoj Menon and Muay Thai Superstar Sonthaya I kick your head off to the nearest HDB block “Bia” Dunpheri, who were away for holidays with their families.

After last week’s disastrous outing where the opposition had every single shot on goal end up in the back of our net, particularly due to an “under the weather” custodian, Ganesh the flying elephant Barthezella Kurup, it was imperative that the team bounce straight back up from the jaws of a humiliating defeat. And bounce back we most certainly did, with a magnificent seven shining ever so brightly on the stadium scoreboard.

Starting the game with a mix and match eleven, the Bangbrothers welcomed back new signing Muhammad Irfan “Rezal Hassan” Khalis, whose tremendous shot stopping abilities and commanding voice in goal proved to be the saviour of our skins on many an occasion.
The back four boasted a central partnership of Mark “Loverboy” Teo and Retz “Swine Flu” Fernando (who has been under the weather recently) with wingbacks “old Man” Sashi and Philip “the AngMo” McCormick .

The rest of the line-up saw on loan players Aaron “Home United” Sim, Peter “Greek Singaporean” Houlis, Asnul “Cesc Beckham” Hafiy and Jonathan “why you punch me” Sinakannu in the heart of midfield. The part time homosexual, part time underage girl sex offender, and full time Egyptian Extremist Paul Samuel Seleim and the ever domineering Sivaneson “Spitting Anaconda” Krishnamoorthy played up front.

The BangBrothers started the game in cautious fashion, relying on short passes sideways down the flanks, whilst B&G relied on hopeful punts up field. The first real chance fell to crowd favourite Anaconda Sivaneson whose shot on the turn was deflected over for a corner after some good work by veteran Sashi, who bombed forward from the left back position to pick out a slide rule pass. No Steven “Rubbish” Neubronner to scream his namesake in relation to Siva’s miss then, as he too was on holiday with his family in gorgeous Thailand.

The breakthrough finally came in rather dramatic fashion, with Sinakannu finding himself on the left wing and in possession of the ball. Cutting in with his right, he swung his boot a la David Beckham for a cross-shot and it somehow hit the crossbar, Khai came rushing in with the obstinacy of a pitbull and he sliced the ball across the penalty box and there was Peter Houlis, like his national hero, Euro 2004 Andreas Charisteas, at the very right place at the very right time. The “Greek God” from Singapore made absolutely no mistakes when the ball came rushing to his feet, and he thumped it home with an emphatic shot that settled itself into the bottom corner for the lead.

Old Dog Aaron Sim was doing an incredible job in midfield, doing the work of three men as he charged in for challenges and seemed to cover every blade of grass in the BangBrothers half, vacuuming every bit of opposition rubbish along the way as he lived up to his nickname, “the Cleaner”.

Midway through the first half, the Bangbrothers had to make several changes as the searing heat from the scorching sun took its toll on the players. October Player of the Month Timothy “the Legend” Song came into midfield to bolster it with his legendary presence, with Philip the AngMo moving out to right wing. It was a strategy that paid instant dividends, with two carbon copy goals in quick succession, the Brothers were 3 nil up in no time.

McCormick, rather unsurprisingly as he has matured and improved his game in leaps and bounds during these last few months, was influential for both the goals, running down the right with some immense doggedness and sent in two pinpoint low crosses for the Anaconda to carry out the simplest of tasks, tapping in the second and third goals with consummate ease. He couldn’t, however, get his hat trick 5 minutes later when a similar ball came in from the right hand side once more, and instead of side footing with his left, Sivaneson decided to angle the ball away from goal with the outside of his boot. Terribly wrong, and it left the bald one rather red faced, murmuring something about angles and trigonometry.

Sivaneson however made amends and even repaid the favour to Philip the AngMo McCormick minutes later, with a cross of exact likeness for Philip to side foot ardently into the net. It was four and the Brothers were looking rampant.

Half time- BBFC 4 B&G 0

As the players walked back on the pitch, a reality that was staring straight into their faces was the fact that it was a truly hot and sunny afternoon, with the blistering heat reflecting off the artificial turf, draining the players of their natural energy and making it much tougher to stay focused, what with the intense partying and drinking the previous week as they all ushered in Christmas and the New Year.

And yet, as their unwavering resolve to attack showed, no amount of intoxicating alcohol, sweltering warmth, or lack of vigour could stop the Brothers from making their mark on this brand new year.

The second half started as how the first ended with BBFC pushing on, a through pass from the “Cleaner” Aaron Sim, whose foray into the opposition half found Philip completely unmarked. Doing his best impression of Flo Rida and T Pain, the AngMo did what he does best off the field as seen from his underage forays into the Clark Quay Nightclubs with his Asian Best Friends, Johnson Cheung & Shaneel Parikh, as he executed a bit of Popping, Locking, and Krumping in front of the goal with the opposition keeper absolutely flabbergasted and dumbfounded. Philip McCormick did a final Billie Jean impression soon after and scraped the ball home for the BangBrothers fifth. It was a record 19.32 seconds of hip hop break dancing whilst holding off a yellow man behind his back that made this goal truly special.

Johnson Cheung, Philip McCormick, Shaneel Parikh. BFFs

B&G started getting desperate and tackles were flying from every direction, especially two footed ones from a particular number 16, but alas it was to no avail as every long ball they pumped forward was efficiently mopped up by the two centrebacks once homo-partners the Loverboy and the Behemoth, along with the trio of the Legend Timothy Song, the Cleaner Aaron Sim, and the Why You Punch Me Sinakannu, who was ever commanding in midfield.

The Egyptian Extremist Paul Samuel Seleim, who had a rather tumultuous week, what after taking part in an 8-1 mauling, attempted to release all tension by giving his all to a visiting promiscuous Norwegian teen whom unbeknownst to him was severely under-aged and had to undergo probes from the CID for his part in the ravaging sexual assault (note: all charges have since been dropped and settled out of court. It’s Interesting to pin your ears back and notice that the young girl went back to her motherland carrying a rather large briefcase of countless stacks of Egyptian Gineih) Not only that but the ISD also came a knocking when his once best friend, ex-classmate in the Al Qaeda Academy for Young Boys, and fellow Liverpool supporter, failed terrorist Umar Abdulmutallab was arrested last week. Poor Seleim had to undergo a weekend of back door probing and non stop interrogations in a cage full of rats.

Despite all these proverbial monkeys on his C4 laden back, the Egyptian Extremist gave BBFC their satanic sixth after Sivaneson moved out to the right hand side and drilled yet another low ball across goal. In came the Egyptian running with aplomb and he somehow got his knee onto the ball and it scampered and scurried into the back of the net, settling itself contentedly; no AK-47 celebrations this time though, it was knees bended kneeling and head bowed to touch the ground, as the Pharaoh prayed for mercy in the new year after what has been, in no inflated proportions, a truly turbulent week for him.

(The rumoured Norweigian underaged maneater, whom the New Paper claimed that our Egyptian Extremist bonked over the Christmas weekend.)

It was bread and butter after that as BBFC controlled the game, as Philip provided his third assist to Siva, picking out the forward after he had beat the offside trap between two defenders with enough time to pick a spot for his shocking hat trick.

It was a rare and special occasion for the spitting Anaconda, widely known among the footballing fraternity for having a first touch as gentle as a rapist and the aggressiveness of a canteen lady. For someone undergoing chronic back problems, it is somehow amazing that he can still bring home the bacon and score a hat trick in the process.

In true Liverpundian fashion, we proclaim with absolute belief, “our season starts now”. (But unlike last season’s overachievers Liverpool of course we will attempt not to lose our very next game!) Seven Zero winners at the start of the New Year, let us hope for more special things to come for the next 360 days for the Back Door Breakers and the Plunderers of Virginity, BangBrothers FC.

Unbiasedly Reported By:
Full time NSF (ORD Feb 8th!), Currently Injured Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love,
Jerald Justin Ko.

Player of the Month for December 2009

2010-01-04T11:00:00.000-08:00

Heartiest Congratulations to xxx the BangBrothers FC Player of the Month for December after some fast and furious voting from BangBrothers FC Squad and WAGS.

Manoj Menon : Player of the Month for November 2009

2010-01-04T10:50:00.000-08:00

Heartiest Congratulations to Part Time Centre Forward, Part Time Poker Mentor and Full Time Pilot Father, MANOJ MENON, the BangBrothers FC Player of the Month for November after some fast and furious voting from BangBrothers FC Squad and WAGS.

Known affectionately as the Black Berbatov amongst the weekend footballing fraternity, Manoj Menon is a traditional old school centre forward with a modern day touch of class. Kind of like a mixture of aged wine and fresh bubbly champagne. With a sublime first touch not unlike that of a Paediatric Nurse and the innocuous grace of a Swan Lake Ballerina, Manoj Menon has scored goals with genuine class and royalty.

Though often guilty for missing the easiest chances in front of goal, many have forgiven him for the subsequent moments of brillaince where the Black Berbatov seems to just pluck a stinging ball out of the air and caress it with incredible gentleness, before unleashing a strike of such venom that goalkeepers hardly blink before realizing that the ball has already travelled into the back of the bulging net.

Definately a man who never scores simple goals, just great ones.

Well done to everyone nonetheless, the performances from every single squad member have been breathtaking to say the very least. Keep it up and remember that everyone's watching- YOU could be the NEXT BangBrothers FC Player of the Month!

Timothy Song : Player of the Month for October 2009

2010-01-04T10:41:00.000-08:00

Heartiest Congratulations to TIMOTHY SONG, the BangBrothers FC Player of the Month for October after some fast and furious voting from BangBrothers FC Squad and WAGS.

A LEGEND on the field and off it, Timothy Song is renowned for being an individual with a hardline no nonsense reputation and infallible personality.

Playing in the destroyer role sitting in the pocket right in front of the defence, the LEGEND has ended careers in an instant, with his crunching challenges and aggressive foreplay. A sure choice in any manager's starting eleven, Timothy Song is the ULTIMATE player and a LIVING LEGEND. Bow down to the jedi master of football and watch in awe as he uses the FORCE to power his way through the game and cover every single blade of grass on the pitch, and off it.

Mark Teo: Player of the Month for September 2009

2010-01-04T10:22:00.000-08:00

Heartiest Congratulations to MARK TEO, the BangBrothers FC Player of the Month for September after some fast and furious voting from BangBrothers FC Squad and WAGS.

His truly remarkable last ditch tackles, unbelievable interceptions, and perfectly timed challenges has been rewarded with this month's top prize.

Consistent, reliable, and always performing at his very best, it was a surprise that Mark did not win the first few editions, always coming at a close second or third. But September was a truly good month for the Boys in Black as Mark showed his prowess in front of both goals, recording clean sheets for ours and getting a couple at the other end as well.

Always known for being someone who swings both ways, Mark Teo has put his past behind him and concentrate on the more important things in life, for example, getting into form for Sunday Afternoon Football. And he has done just that, being the most consistent performer in our team, week in week out, something like a Dirk Kuyt, albeit in defence. Never having a game rating below 7/10, he is the original Mr Reliable.

Well done to everyone nonetheless, the performances from every single squad member have been breathtaking to say the very least. Keep it up and remember that everyone's watching- YOU could be the NEXT BangBrothers FC Player of the Month!

BangBrothers FC Injury Update

2009-11-29T23:08:00.000-08:00

we do not wish to know where that finger has gone now do we.

BangBrothers FC would like to wish our old school rearguard Retz Fernando a speedy and healthy recovery from the "Finger Fracture" that he has sustained recently in the course of duty.

It is estimated that he will be out of action for a period of an "undetermined lenght".

He will most certainly be in our daily prayers.

Meanwhile, Bangbrothers FC's mercurial and talismanic winger Jerald Justin has encountered an injury setback. With grave aggravations to his knee due to an intensive accelerated recovery program, Jerald Justin has sadly torn both his ACL and MCL (ligaments) in his knee, and will be undergoing a quick procedure under the knife sometime before christmas. We at the desk of BangBrothers FC would like to also wish him a speedy and successful recovery. His estimated return is a lot more hopeful and positive, with a date sometime before the middle of 2010 set on the timetable.

Good news amidst the bad- our enigmatic goalkeeper Ganesh "Barthezella Fosterella" Kurup has been earmarked for a quick return between the posts sometime in the next three weeks... while evergreen soulster Kevin Gomez has already made his comeback a week ago at Temasek Secondary School, sporting a rather "fightclub-esque" hand aid in the process.

Before we bid each other a fond farewell, the squad and staff of BangBrothers FC would like to wish all our readers an early Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year!

Be good and be safe.

Ta-Ta!

Ganesh Kurup : Player of the Month for August 2009

2009-11-02T07:17:00.000-08:00

Heartiest Congratulations to GANESH KURUP, the BangBrothers FC Player of the Month for August after some fast and furious voting from BangBrothers FC Squad and WAGS.

His truly remarkable flying saves, unbelievable splits, and nanosecond reaction dives has been rewarded with this month's top prize.

Often maligned and with good reason, Ganesh "Barthezella Fosterella the Flying Elephant" Kurup proved his detractors wrong with some notably amazing performances between the sticks. Literally saving lost causes singlehandedly albeit with a potbelly in tow. An inspiration to all.

Well done to everyone nonetheless, the performances from every single squad member have been breathtaking to say the very least. Keep it up and remember that everyone's watching- YOU could be the NEXT BangBrothers FC Player of the Month!

Here's a mini tribute to our Part Time Schmeichel, Full Time Barthez, Ganesh Kurup.

BangBrothers FC 4 - 2 Dirty Chinese Men FC

2009-11-02T07:04:00.000-08:00

Sunday, 1st November 2009
Springfield Secondary School
5pm Evening Kickoff
Warm Weather

Special Guest Writer: Sivaneson "the Anaconda" Krishnamoorthy

Starting Line Up: Retz Fernando, Jack, Kalai, Sashi, Paul, Sinnakannu, Biya, Bryan, Siva, Zen, Manoj.

The last time these two teams met, DCMFC had given BBFC a run for their money at the spanking new Meridian JC astro turfed field running out narrow losers. Needless to say they were back with a vengeance and donning their new yellow adidas kit, they were eying BBFC from the get go with one eye on revenge , and another on the supple Egyptian Butt that was not being played at left back.

BBFC has been unlucky lately, with several key players out due to long term injuries. New casualties Ganesh ‘Foster’ Kurup and Kevin ‘ Malek Awab’ Gomez are the latest to join Yao Siong on the injury list after late night fisting action has left both cousins out with a fractured finger and a fractured wrist respectively. BBFC did welcome back however,

resident "Rajnikanth Kalai" after a lengthy lay off, as well as trialist Sashi who were both playing in the heart of defence.

the Bangbrothers returning with some much needed reinforcements, featuring the bollywood superstars.

"Kalaivaanan Rajnikanth"

"Senthil Retz Fernando"

BBFC needed just less than 5 mins to take the lead. Neat one twos played between Jon, Biya, Siva, then Jon, and back to Biya, to Zen, to Manoj, as you can see the ball was being passed around with one touches, like the village bicycle that it was, finally finding its way to Zen who latched on to a through ball after running across the backline to beat the offside trap. The movement was brilliant, but the finish was better, with the keeper running out and closing the angle, our resident cumslut flicked the ball with the outside of his right foot and into the right corner.

1-0 BBFC

DCM FC pushed on and the unfamiliar centreback pairing of Kalai and Sashi was being called to task over and over again as BBFC absorbed the pressure. With a completely new backline, it was not surprising that there was lack of communication all over the f**kshop. The left winger running on to a ball played over the top was chased down by Kalai. With a flying kick, or an attempted flying kick, Kalai Kanth, with a was unable to clear the ball or put off the opponent, and with Retz rushing off late after realizing that KK was slightly off the pace after his long lay off, was unable to prevent the ball from being lobbed over him and into the net for the equalizer.

1-1 DCM FC

The match resumed and BBFC started pushing on again, wave after wave of attack against the opponents goal as another slick move between Manoj, Biya and Zen resulted in the former being through again. If his first finish was brilliant, this was absofuckinglutely fantastic. Receiving the ball and again ghosting across the backline, Zen stroked it with precise placement, giving BBFC the lead as the ball went in off the right post.

2-1 BBFC

Again, old habits die hard. With DCM FC pushing on and starting to take shot after shot at goal, and with our defence getting used to each other, the opponents received a corner midway through the first half. Lets just say our keepers have a problem with balls lobbing over their heads, and as the corner was whipped in, it curled and sailed over Retz “the Behemoth Mammoth Jammoth” Fernando into the goal. Even the last ditch attempt to head the ball off the line by Paul’s oiled Egyptian locks was in vain.

2-2 DCM FC

The second half saw the introduction of Mark “LoverBoy” Teo and Tim ‘ I’m so BuaySONG the legend’ Song into the heart of defence for Kalai and Sashi as BBFC reverted back to their usual 4-5-1 formation with Zen moving out to the right wing, Bryan on the left and with Siva back in centre midfield with Sinnakannu and Biya. The move brought more stability with Tim Song his commanding best. Whatever Mark missed, Tim cleared, whatever Tim missed… Tim dosen’t ever miss, he is always in control, there is no CTRL on Tim’s computer, Tim is always in CONTROL, but with Mark’s tenacious nature at scrapping for every ball, DCM FC were doomed as they hardly got a sniff at goal. With the midfield trio taking turns to sit, it allowed them to rampage forward over and over again providing the extra man in attack, a move that DCM FC was unable to cope with.

It was from one such move that BBFC regained the lead. Receiving the ball from Sinnakannu, Zen, now on the right wing, took the ball on and moved inwards. Spotting the overlapping run of Siva, he laid the ball into his path. DCM FC’s defence was now in disarray, getting stretched and deepthroated more than they would have liked as they failed to pick up Bryan ghosting in on the far side as he received a cross from Siva, the former taking it down and stroking it past the onrushing keeper.

3-2 BBFC

Back in the ascendancy, BBFC pushed on, but wasted chances were the name of the game in the second half. With DCM FC’s left back hobbling after a knock, a through ball was played to Manoj who was deep in the opponents half, and with the goal at his mercy, the old man of BBFC rocketed the ball high and wide. Very Disappointing. Another chance was fluffed as yet again, Sinnakannu playing a through ball to Siva played him onside as the bald headed one took on the defender and cut it back across goal, only for the old man just narrowly missing a toe poke with his outstretched foot. Now if he had slid in, that would be a different story. Very Disappointing.
A corner awarded to BBFC resulted in the 4th goal. Zen chan whipped it in, and though I have to side track, it has come to our attention that Bia Dunpheri, seems to notbe able to shoot with the ball on the ground. His goals have all come with the ball in mid air, with a flying kick or a header, but nothing with the ball on the ground. And as such, Bia run in near post and in mid air, ala KUNG FU HUSTLE, knocked the ball in the goal for the all important two goal cushion.
With a comfortable lead, Paul, the Egyptian extremist, was obviously feeling bored. With DCM FC’s right winger attempting to dribble and take him on, Paul, with a grab of the ass, swivel of the hips, and a flying kiss, managed to put off the opponent, out muscle him, and knock the ball through his legs to leave the entire left flank gaping open. However, the move that he pulled off was too good for him, and he jizzed in his pants, he attempted a 360, tripped, and fell on his pert butt only for the grand daddy of the team Manoj, the Mentor Menon ( MM Menon) to scream, THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR SHOW BOATING!. A line the latter should have heeded himself. Again playing and hanging off the shoulder of the last man, Siva spotted him with a through ball which sent MM one on one with the keeper. Bia and Zen ran up supporting him, was spoilt for choice. MM passed to CUMSLUT, CUM SLUT passed to Bia, Bia to MM, and MM back to Bia, all this with just the keeper to beat, and again, the ball played to Bia was on the ground, proving very difficult for our Muay thai Superstar who of course, no prizes here, ballooned the ball over the goal.

Full Time:

BBFC 4- DCM FC 2

Captain’s Note: It is good that we have most of our players coming back from Injury. With kalai back, it provides BBFC with the much needed stability in their backline. Injuries to Kevin and Ganesh, together with long term injury hit Yau Siong are unfortunate but the trio will be back around the same time. BBFC’s squad has looked stronger than ever. New trialist Sashi looks an adequate replacement in case defenders get injured and BBFC will continue to monitor his performances. Here is the first team squad of BBFC:

Ganesh Kurup: Goal Keeper
Phil McCormick: Rightback/Centerback/ Right Wing
Retz Fernando: Goalkeeper/ Centreback
Mark Teo: Centreback/ Left back
Kalaivanan Sadaiyappan: Centre back/ left back
Timothy Song Yong How: Centre back/ Right back/ defensive mid
Zen Chan: Striker/ left wing/ right wing
Jonathan Sinnakannu: Defensive mid/ centreback
Jon Tan (when he actually does turn up): Midfield
Bia Dunpheri: Attacking mid/ centreback/ rightback/ Left back
Paul Selheim: Left wing/ Left back/ Striker
Bryan Neubronner: Left Wing/ Right wing
Jerald Justin Ko Yau Siong: Right wing
Kevin Gomez: Left back/ rightback/ right wing/ defensive mid
Bradley Boon: GoalKeeper / Left back / Defensive mid / Winger / Striker
Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy: Defensive Mid/ Right wing/ Striker
Manoj Menon: Striker

BangBrothers FC 0 - 9 Geylang United Reserves

2009-11-02T07:03:00.000-08:00

Saturday, 24th October, 2009
St. Wilfrid's Sports Complex
3pm Afternoon Kickoff
Warm Weather

BangBrothers FC 6 - 4 Balestier Boys

2009-11-02T07:02:00.001-08:00

Sunday, 18th October, 2009
St. Wilfrid's Sports Complex
5pm Evening Kickoff
Warm Weather

BangBrothers FC 2 - 3 Guards FC

2009-10-11T11:32:00.000-07:00

Saturday, 10 October, 2009
St Wilfrid's Sports Complex
7pm, Night Kickoff
Warm Weather

Special Guest Writer: Sivaneson the Anaconda Krishnamoorthy

Starting Line up: Ganesh, Matthew, Retz, Mark, Anthony, Kevin, Sinnakannu, Darren, Kenneth, Bryan, Siva.

In a rather makeshift team once again, due to miscommunication of playing dates, BBFC lined up in a make shift formation with 7 new players appearing for them. It was a family affair, as Mark “Loverboy” Teo roped in his brother, cousins, and potential future brother in law, Kevin his cousin, and Bryan his older cousin as
well.

There was a tentative start to the game and as they say, old habits die hard. BBFC started with some fluent passing but soon had fallen back to playing the harder ball, or not utilizing the flanks as per usual in the previous games. Bryan started out on the left wing instead, and had some good attempts at taking on players, only to be stopped either by the last man or by taking on one too many players. Sinnakannu, Kenneth and Darren were trying to string passes together in the centre midfield, but it was evident that the lack of communication during the early stages of the game was affecting their fluency. Disaster struck when a long ball pumped up the field was attacked by Guards FC. Mark “LoverBoy” Teo, under pressure after allowing the to bounce over him (a la Retz Fernando’s Vidic 201 Course in Defending), chased back with the opposite striker on his tails. Ganesh “Barthezella Fosterella Eh Eh” Kurup rushed off his line, and squeaked out Mark’s name, and the latter’s header back was just beyond the massive goalie who could just get a finger tip to the ball, allowing it to fall sweetly to the opposition to stroke into an open net.

1-0 GFC

The game resumed and as usual, nothing came out of BBFC’s passing, several shots from Bryan and Sinnakannu going off target when disaaster struck again. A long ball was played on the ground, with the entire BBFC backline calling for offside. However, replays showed the striker was on as he rushed towards goal. Ganesh “Barthezella Fosterella Eh Eh” Kurup, did a small jiggle, sidestep and a pirouette before rushing off his line allowing the opposite striker all the time in the world to pick his spot and finish sweetly into the bottom corner.

2-0 GFC

BBFC was in disarray as they were wondering what hit them. A culmination of adapting to new players as well as old habits were wrecking their game play. Before they knew it, another ball down the wing caught Anthony Teo off guard, with cousin Mark rushing in to cover. Lets just say Mark got abit too much bodily contact and upended the opposite number in the box. Penalty. The striker stepped up and stroked the ball coolly into the net past Ganesh “Barthezella Fosterella Eh Eh” Kurup. The worst possible half BBFC has ever endured in their history.

3-0 GFC

A second half pep talk and reshuffling of the team saw Kevin making way for Nicolas “The Bulldozer” Teo coming on and playing upfront with BBFC moving to a 4-4-1-1 formation. The results were almost instantaneous as BBFC started playing more on the wings, stretching the opponents wide open. They started to pin GFC back with the opponents beginning to kick long hopeful balls out each time they had possession. With Kenneth playing out on the wing, he and Siva were able to switch positions easily as a through ball to Sinnakannu was received with GFC’s backline dropping off him, each fullback not knowing who to attack as the forward line spread themselves wider than Jenna Jameson. The opening gap gave Sinnakannu an opportunity to stroke a cultured right foot shot past the goalie.

3-1 BBFC

Goaded on by the goal, BBFC pushed on and another sort of wing play stretched open the opponents defence. Allowing for Darren to play a through ball which Bryan, having one of his more decent games to date for BBFC, latched on to, only to be brought down by the goalkeeper. Team GURU Siva stepped up, and with his teammates telling the goalie to dive left or right, the bald headed one rammed the ball straight down the centre and on the ground.

3-2 BBFC

Revitalized by the goal BBFC poured on as GFC started to panic. Hurrying their clearances and pushing the ball away needlessly. Kenneth pushed in deep as Siva pulled out. The left back was caught in no man’s land as Kenneth laid on a ball Siva, who crossed a pin point cross to the on rushing Sinnakannu. The man had time to stop the ball. Scratch his balls. Probably have a wank. And take a shot. But he chose to do a Berbatov-esque scissors kick which went narrowly over the bar.
BBFC pushed on but time was their enemy as then ran out narrow losers in the end.
It is a worrying statistic that BBFC have since lost 3 games on the trot at St. WIlfrid’s which is proving itself to be a difficult venue for the team. Whilst even in these times of defeat, there have been some good takeaways, and some harsh lessons learnt, one can only expect BBFC to learn from these mistakes as improve as long term absences from the first team are expected to return in the up coming weeks.

Philip McCormick. White Supremacist, Colonizer.

2009-10-06T10:44:00.000-07:00

"FUCK ASIANS. I FUCKING HATE ASIAN PEOPLE."

BangBrothers FC 0- 1 Wilfrid Wanders FC

2009-10-06T10:09:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 4 October, 2009
St Wilfrid's Sports Complex
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Sunny Weather

Special Guest Writer: Sivaneson the Anaconda Krishnamoorthy

Bangbrothers FC started the game returning both Ganesh Barthezella in goal and Bert NO ENGLISH Dunpheri back in the team, though still missing out on some players who were still out injured or overseas.

The freshly relaid pitch was brilliant for some breathtaking football, though most moments were simply just ordinary. BBFC started well, with some chances falling to BIA, who of late seems to have left his scoring boots back in PHI PHI ISLAND. The man has 8 pairs of boots now, but seems to not be able to shoot to save his life as he gave several chances away. Siva leading the frontline did some knock backs for both Paul and Sinnakannu, the former having a shot to the bottom right corner fantastically saved by the opposition keeper and Sinnakannu blazing just wide on two attempts. It has become a worrying pattern that our two young promising wingers seem to have forgotten what it is to be a wide player. Both Bryan and Paul, set on the run on the wings despite the calls for a ball being pumped in, have in recent times opted to cut in on the weaker foot to make a pass or shot which as often caused BBFC to lose their attacking initative.

Winger (sports)
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
In certain sports, such as football, field hockey, ice hockey, handball, rugby union, lacrosse and rugby league, the term winger is the name of a position. It refers to positions on the extreme left and right sides of the pitch (the "wings"). In American football and Canadian football, the analogous position is the wide receiver. Wingers often try to use pace to exploit extra space available on the flanks that can be made available by their team-mates dominating the centre ground. They must be wary however of not crossing the touchline and going out of play. In sports where the main method of scoring involves attacking a small goal (by whatever name) in the centre of the field, a common tactic is to cross the ball to a central team-mate.

Again, it is no surprise that the old heads took charge, with the first real chance falling to Siva. After receiving the ball from brother Bert, Bia looked up, picked a pass that split the defence sending the striker racing through, only for the him to flick the ball narrowly wide of the post. Chances came and went as the first half went on rather uneventfully.

Half- Time 0-0

The second half started with BBFC reverting to a more orthodox 4-4-2 formation with Bert playing upfront with Siva, and Johnson (on loan) starting as left back. BBFC poured forward, but often fell prey to trying to walk the ball into the penalty box. Siva found himself on the wing, as our favourite eunuch Paul again failed to comprehend what a winger’s role and responsibility was. (refer to above definition). After a half time team talk, Bryan looked more potent as he was fouled numerously after beginning to utilize space on the flanks. A whipped in cross found Siva, who’s header was off target, failing to realize where he was standing, sending the ball wide of the goal. BBFC pushed on, as again, the old heads took the forefront. Again, Bia picking up the ball from Sinnakannu, pushed another through pass which was met by Siva. The striker raced through, and with the keeper rushing off his line, cut a pass back to Bert who had the whole goal at his mercy. A certain goal? The referee immediately blew for an offside, which till today baffles the footballing world.

Discipline is the other name of the game which BBFC seems to have forgotten. Keeping shape is a very important aspect of the sport and this time, a lack of positional discipline saw BBFC pay. A ball out of defence was passed to Bia in the heart of a crowded midfield. Philip ‘the pundeh’ mccormick rushed out to support the attack with the ball not even reaching Bia, and as fate would have it, it was intercepted. With phil out of position, and with the winger racing on to the intercepted pass, Retz, the Behemoth was caught out, not by his own doing, and whilst racing back to nick the ball of the opponent, tripped him. Penalty.

Up stepped the opponents NO.9, and a penalty just beyond Ganesh gave them the lead. With less than 5 mins to go, BBFC pushed forth but to no avail as they succumbed to their second loss of the month, a statistic which they would be desperate to change.

Full Time BBFC 0- Wilfred Wanderers 1.

On a side note disheartening as this defeat may have been. There are many learning outcomes which BBFC has to take note and work on. Basic things like roles on the pitch, keeping the shape, and calling out for balls when attacking them are issues that are often taken for granted, and it has been twice since BBFC have been punished. Though games are organized for the fun and the love of the sport, WE BE SORE LOSERS MATE, and we HATE losing, so lets work on it boys.

Sivaneson
Teacher/Team Captain/Full Time Anaconda

BangBrothers FC 1 - 5 Haris Halal FC

2009-10-06T10:06:00.000-07:00

Friday, 2nd October, 2009
St. Wilfrid's Sports Complex
7pm Night Kickoff
Warm Weather

In Progress

Bangbrothers FC 6 - 3 Team Orange FC

2009-10-06T10:03:00.002-07:00

Sunday, 27 September, 2009
Pasir Ris Crescent Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Sunny Weather

Special Guest Writer: Sivaneson the Anaconda Krishnamoorthy

Starting Line up: Bradley, Phil, Retz, Mark, Stanley, Sinnakannu, Bia, Siva, Paul, Manoj, Kevin
BBFC started the game with several team players out through injury or work related absences, with three on loan players courtesy of Bradley Boon. In a very cagey first 15 minutes, the Brothers had several moments to take the lead with Manoj and Paul firing just wide and with Muaythai Superstar Bia missing a few chances from the top of the penalty box. A swift counter attack down the brothers defensive right saw OrangeFc’s winger send in a low cross into the penalty box with center backs Retz and Mark having been dragged out of position. On loan left back Stanley intercepted the ball right smack in the middle of the penalty box, stopped it dead, and with a striker onrushing, seemingly ran away from the ball, leaving the opponents striker the ball on a silver plate to slam in for the opener past make shift goalie Bradley Boon.

1-nil OrangeFC

Tim Song had arrived late and no time was wasted putting him into the fray as the brothers pushed on. Wave after wave of attacks followed with the first chance falling to Siva after Phil had sent a long cross into the penalty box only for him to fire over the bar with no pressure on him. As the midfield trio of Siva, Bia and Sinnakannu slowly started to get a grip of the game, a through pass from Bia found the overlapping Phil who slotted the ball past the goalie for his first non- headed goal of his BBFC career.

1-1

Rejuvenated by the goal, BBFC pushed forth with their efforts, countless offside calls namely from our WINGERS only prevented the final ball from bearing any fruition. Again, as the game wore on, a neat one two between Manoj and Bia sent the latter though on goal with his shot unstoppable to give the lead to BBFC.

2-1 BangBrothersFC

It has become a soft of nasty habit which BBFC seems to have to make things difficult from themselves. They started losing grip of the game, with no calls of MAN ON, or players calling out who’s going in for the ball which lead to a few collisions between two of more BBFC players. Something the team has to work on. The opponents defender sent a long ball up the field, and with TIMOTHY ‘ THE LEGEND’ SONG, playing out of postion, the opposite right winger managed to run in on his blind side and slot the ball into Bradley’s near post for the equalizer.

HALF TIME 2-2

With some tinkering at half time, the shape of the team was changed, with Kevin moving to left back, THE LEGEND taking his position in central midfield and with Siva moving out to the right wing for the start of the second half.

The move paid dividends as with much cajoling and shouting to our beloved Egyptian enuch, albeit not very useful because of the latter’s inability to understand what pulling out wide means, and with Kevin covering his spritely young ass most of the time, and with Siva on the right, it meant that the opponents defence was stretched out more, with gaps appearing all over the place. Holes so big that some hardcore fisting action was the order of the half. The brothers looked more dangerous as Bia and Sinnakannu were able to string more penetrative passes as well as surge forward with THE LEGEND providing more than ample cover.

Some simply breathtaking football was on scene with neat one touch playing occurring between the players. The old heads in the team took charge as a brisk exchange of touches between The midfield trio and Manoj saw Sinnakannu break free on goal only to be held back in the penalty box. As the referee pointed to the spot, usual spot taker Siva offered Tim, the LEGEND, Song to break his goal scoring duck. Yes, the legend, the man every team every girl and the dream of ever NSF had not scored till today despite his imperious displays. So excited was the man, that even before the Referee could blow for the foul, he had taken the kick only to have it retaken. The man, being THE MAN, did not miss, sending the keeper the wrong way.

3-2 BangBrothersFC

As the opponents tried to come to terms with what was happening, BBFC went no holds barred and took no prisoners, rampaging forward each time. Each penetrative thrust being more and more potent than the first. A through ball, yet again, the old heads, following some neat exchanges between Bia and Manoj, sent winger Siva down the right flank. His cut back found the onrushing Sinnakannu who stroked the ball into the goal.

4-2 BangBrothersFC

Paul was the scorer of the next goal, and how he scored deserves some credit. On average, in every game, about 20-25 through balls are sent to ball so he can use his pace and beat the defenders. And on average, he latches on to the ball effectively about 0.5 times. Why the 0,5 you say? Its because when he latches onto the ball, our spritely babybottomed enuch has to make a decision, pass or shoot. Yes, a hard choice for someone who’s probably been buttf**ked more than the whole collection of Vivid and Wicked Pornstar crew combined. Time literally comes to a stand still, as often, strikers Siva and Manoj, run into position expecting a cross, and then Paul thinks, then Siva and Manoj say what the heck, lets have some tea and biscuits for him to think, and you know what, we might even have time to take a dump, only for our extremist to fluff the chance. On this occasion however, as impressive as the latch on was, the finish was even better, with Paul shooting a low ball across the on rushing goal keeper and into the net. *Special mention as to be given to Kevin who covered every blade of grass behind the eunuch, extremist, the dumbone, as the former seems to have not an inkling of an idea that a winger as to check back, defend, run into space, and not just wait, dream about Phil on the other side and his freckled ANG MO ass.

5-2 BangBrothersFC

Old habits die hard as BBFC slipped into momentary lapses of too relaxed states of mind. Just after Phil and Siva had an excellent link up play with the latter sending in a cross that Manoj just grazed past the goal, ( a combination that might be quite effective in days to come), a long ball into the net put our MammothJammoth of a Behemoth in a sticky situation, one cannot blame him for his natural ‘physique’ as he rose to head the ball, but his imposing frame knocking the opponent over, for a penalty to be awarded. Orange FC’s striker stepped up and dispatched it past Bradley, who, much to the chagrin of his team mates, during the second half did give them much scares with his antiques of hitting out by playing in his own box. One can only guess if it was because it was because he was asked to play goal, or that his friends STANLEY and CO were not given much chance to play.

5-3 OrangeFC

Hope is a wonderful thing. It gives people the drive to push on, the belief that the impossible could become possible. OrangeFC sensing a comeback, took off a centreback for a striker and pushed into a 3-4-3 formation. With the mood the old heads from BBFC were in, it was suicide. Again, with Siva pulling out wide, a ball down the wing, which was met by the ANACONDA, who’s shimmy and swivel of the hips sent the defender the wrong way. Again, Sinnakannu was running in at the edge of the penalty box, meeting his cut back pass, to knock it past one defender before again casually stroking the ball into the net.

FULL TIME
Bangbrothers FC6- OrangeFC 3

BangBrothers FC 0 - 2 Tanjung Katong Kakis

2009-10-06T10:03:00.001-07:00

In Progress

BangBrothers FC 8 - 2 Yishun Warriors

2009-10-06T10:02:00.002-07:00

In Progress

BangBrothers FC 3 - 2 Meridian Boys

2009-10-06T10:02:00.001-07:00

In Progress

Temporary Administration of Site

2009-09-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

Due to a lack of financial backing and the subsequent loss of creative staff, BangBrothersfc.blogspot.com will be under temporary administration.

The current libel lawsuit of slander and misleading information filed by Paul Samuel Seleim a.k.a Egyptian Extremist has also gotten us into some pretty tight corners.

Look out for our return in the near future.

Note: BangBrothers FC matches still carry on as per normal.

Bia Dunpheri's Weekly Rage List!

2009-09-02T13:25:00.000-07:00

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH I AM BIA DUNPHERI AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK!!!:

1. EDUARDO DA SILVA: WHY HE SO HANDSOME!!! WHY HIS FACE LOOK LIKE ME?!!! WHY HE NOT PLAY LIKE ME!!! I NO DIVE!!! HE DIVE LIKE DIVIN DHARVIN (TM)!!! AND GET BANNED TWO GAMES! HE SOOOOO STTTTUUUPPPIIIDDDD!!! BUT STILL HE SO HANDSOME!!!

2. ARSENE WENGER: THIS OLD UGLY FARANG WHY HE SO STUPID!!! THAT IS NO GOAL WHY HE SAY GOAL. HIS STUPID UGLY PLAYER EBOUE DIVE HE SAY NO DIVE. HIS STUPID BUT VERY HANDSOME PLAYER EDUARDO DIVE AND HE SAY NO DIVE. HA HA HE SO FUNNY REFEREE SEND HIM TO THE STANDS LIKE STUPID OLD MAN!!! ALL THE MAN U FANS LAUGH AT HIM. I ALSO LAUGH AT HIM!!! HA HA!!! THAILAND ALL LAUGH AT HIM! STUPID OLD FARANG!!!

3. SINGAPORE IDOL: WHY THESE STUPID PEOPLE ALL THINK THEY CAN SING!!! I LISTEN UNTIL MY EAR ALL HAVE BLOOD. I WANT TO DO FLYING KICK TO THEIR HEAD AND ONG BAK THEIR MOUTH UNTIL THEY CANNOT SING!!! WHHHYY AREEE THEEYY STIIILL SIINGGGIINNNGGGGGGG!!!!! AARRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH (kicks TV into many millions of tiny pieces)

4. ANDREI ARSHAVIN: WHY HE COPY ME AND SHOOT SO HARD BALL!!! WHY HE CELEBRATE HIS FACE LOOK LIKE BRADLEY!!! FACE LIKE TOO MANY MUAY THAI PUNCH TO THE HEAD!!! REALLY HE LOOK LIKE MY STRIKER BRADLEY!!! ARGGGHHH I DON'T LIKE THE FACE LIKE THAT!!! SO STTUUUPPPIIDD WHY THE MOUTH LIKE THAT!!!! I REALLY DON'T LIKE ARSHAVIN FACEEEEE!!! I WANT TO MUAY THAI HIS FACCEEEE!!!

5. BACARY SAGNA: WHY HE FACE LIKE THAT!!! WHY MAKE ME VOMIT!!! WHY HIS SKIN THIS BLACK COLOUR!!! WHY HE TRYING TO FIGHT WITH MY DEFENDER RETZ FOR BLACK TROPHY!!! WHY THEY SO BLACK!!!!!! VERY BLLAAACCCKKKKK!!!! AARRGGHHHHHHH!!!

6. TOM YUM SOUP: WHHHYY SINGAPPPORREE TOM YUM SOUP ALL SO DISGUSTING!!! NO REAL ONE!!! ALL BLUFF PEOPLE!!! ARRGGHHHHHHH!!! I WANT REAL TOM YUM SOUP FROM THAILAND!!!! MY WIFE NO COOK!!!! ARRGHHHHHHHH!!!

7. AXEL WITSEL: WHY HEEE SOOO STTUPPIDDD FACE WHEN HE BREAK PLAYER LEG!!! I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE WHO BREAK OTHER PEOPLE LEG AND SMILE!!! ONLY THAILAND PEOPLE CAN DO THAT!!! WE BREAK PEOPLE LEG WE SMILE!!! HE NO FROM THAILAND HE CANNOT SMILE WHEN HE BREAK PEOPLE LEG!!! ARRGHHHHHH!!! I WANT TO MUAY THAI HIS LEG!!! AARRGHHHHH!!! (refer to this link for the horrific tackle http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OapMvlhZOQ

8. LIVERPOOL: ARRGHHHH!!! WHY THEY SO LUCKY!!!! WHY THEY ALWAYS SCORE LATE GOAL!!!! STEVEN GERRARD COPY ME AND SHOOT HARD HARD!!!!ARRGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I LOVE MAN U!!!!!

9. SERIO JAUREGUI: WHY THIS MAN ANYHOW USE KARATE KICK ON HIS OPPONENT!!! WHY HE SO STTUPPIIIDDD!!! DON'T KNOW HOW TO KICK PROPERLY!!!! NEXT TIME I SHOW HIM REAL MUAY THAI KICK!!! HEAD WILL CONFIRM COME OFF!!! WHEN YOU KICK PEOPLE HEAD IT MUST COME OFF OTHERWISE IS NO REAL KICK!!!!! ARRGGHH HE SO STUPID KICKING!!!! (kindly refer to this link for the Sergio Jauregui Karate Kick http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRlCcn6QZQI)

10. AC MILAN: ARRGHHH WHYY THEY SO STUPIIDDD DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY FOOTBALL!!! CAN LOSE 4 ZERO TO INTER MILAN AT HOME!!!! WHY THEY SO STUUPPIDDDD!!! I THINK WITH BANGBROTHERS PLAY BETTER THAN THEM!!! ARRGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I AM BIA DUNPHERI AND THIS HAS BEEN MY WEEKLY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! SAWADEEKAAPPPPP!!!!!!

Homoerotic Adventures with the Egyptian Eunuch

2009-09-02T11:43:00.000-07:00

Well hello there.

Welcome to the Homoerotic Adventures with the Egyptian Eunuch.
You might have witnessed me in a different form these past couple of weeks, no doubt as the Egyptian Extremist of course. Well no worries there, I actually suffer from a severe bout of Dissociative Identity Disorder, or as you misguided heterosexuals would call it, a Split Personality complication of sorts.

Disastrous in the eyes of the "normal" world, but a pleasure for me and my many boyfriends. You see, there really is nothing quite like the undying pleasurable fantasies of an erotic mix and match to spice things in the bedroom eh? Just like up like Chilli Padi stuffed up my anus! TOTALLY LOVVVEEEE IIITTTT!!!

So how did the term Egyptian Eunuch come about then? It all started in the Sumerian city of Lagash in the twenty first century BC, where the earliest records for intentional castration to produce eunuchs were found.
I of course, was castrated in order to perform a specific social function (you should know what.. wink wink), as was common in many societies of the past... In many ways my society that i am inhabiting is really really backward (I love that word... backward... i especially love backdoor even more. my backdoor is ALWAYS OPEN)... as far back as the Assyrian Empire (ca. 850 till 622 B.C.), in the court of the Egyptian Pharaohs (down to the Lagid dynasty known as Ptolemies, most notably in the later years with Cleopatra).

I do not enjoy this perception of Homosexuality in the Public Eye.
We are all born ineherently Homosexual, i believe.
It is very well the conforming to society's ancient backdated values that makes so many of the world heterosexual. This unfair burgeoning discourse with the "homosexual" being commonly portrayed as a corrupter of the innocent.
Innocence lies only in one true form, and that is in children.
Which in actual fact kind of accounts for the continuing existence of my other co-curricular activity, enhancing my paederast virtues. I do enjoy a bit of dipping my toes down the shallow end if you know what i mean. I love children. But fortunately I love men more.

But yes.. where was I? oh... what makes me different from other Eunuchs is that I, for ONE, am NOT celibate.

I just love opening up my holey of holiest for that wonderful little white boy they call Philip McCormick... He'd of course return the favour by revealing and subsequently inserting his Poley of Poliest into my glory HOLEY OF HOLIEST! ;)
the intimacy we share is unparalleled i tell you.
I love him the way he is.. He's so totally Gay and he knows it!

Well as you can see up there in the photo... i'm engaging in my nightly facial routine.
My facials are ONE HUNDRED PERCENT NATURAL. Natural Human Male Juice that is.
Gorgeous Protein as they call it.

My favourite part of the nightly routine is the harvesting of protein for my facial. I'm getting really excited thinking about it! My two hands all oiled up and greasy, tight grip on the thick shaft, sliding my fingers up and down, up and down, up and down, getting crabby frizzly pubic hair all over my nose, smeeellllliiinnn it all in, i especially enjoy slobbering my tongue all over the front genital area, licking up as much tingly little critters as possible, and then finally collecting that drippy protein fissioned juice all over my face... AHHHH... FACIALS... totally LURVE it!

If you observe carefully, you can actually see that i am in the "spooning" position. Awaiting my Stallion that is the well hung Philip McCormick to be my steed and mount me like a Horse. ahhh.............. speaking of which! where is that elusive cream skinned little blondie... i'm getting all wet and excited here and he is nowhere to be found...

Join us next week for more Homoerotic Adventures with the Egyptian Eunuch!

Arabic Adventures with the Egyptian Extremist!

2009-08-31T06:39:00.001-07:00

An Interview With The Egyptian Extremist

By Bradley Christopher Boon, BBFC Middle-East Correspondent.

I received a call from someone calling himself Rithwan Sadiqi a week ago. I found it puzzling as I do not often receive calls from strange middle eastern men at night. He claimed to be a chief lieutenant and commander of the Al Baqua militant organization and claimed responsibility for a spate of recent bombings of various meat processing factories in American and European cities as he deemed them to be unislamic and not in accordance with his extreme viewpoints. He then proceeding to ramble on for the best part of 2 hours about why all the infidels would burn in hell and also revealed a very fashion savvy side of himself as he delivered a sermon on how women in my country should dress. Finally coming to the point of our conversation after lengthy digression, he mentioned that his cell leader, Paul Salem al Tikriti better known as the Egyptian Extremist was ready to give an interview in which he would send out a stern warning and declare an Intifadeh against America and her allies.

Wasting no time, I packed my bags and caught the earliest flight to Rawalpindi Pakistan. Upon Arrival at the airport which also functions as an execution site for political dissidents when not in use, I followed Al Saliqi’s instructions and began my search for a man named Ashfaq. I would be able to identify him I was told by Al Sadiqi, by his long beard, white turban and dress. Also, he would have an AK 47 which he would fire into the air every 5 minutes to make my job of locating him easier. On the surface, it seemed easy enough but to much to my befuddlement and chagrin, the were about 3 thousand other men at the arrival hall who could have fit that description. Some were firing shots randomly into the air, some firing at each other, while others were shooting at a poster of former U.S president George W Bush. I dodged a hail of bullets and a volley of grenades to get to the pick up point. I was then unceremoniously grabbed from behind and dragged into a cart powered by 25 camels. Before I was blindfolded, the man identified himself as Ashfaq and claimed to be the right hand man (no pun intended) to the Egyptian Extremist.

After a harrowing 5 hour journey with sounds and smells that were indescribable, I was led into an underground hideout. As soon as my blindfolds were removed, I witnessed before me a face that could make the blood curdle. Quickly gathering my wits after such a fearsome encounter, I suggested conducting the interview. The transcripts are show below.

BCB: Mr Al Salem, could you explain to the world why your face is as such?

E.E: I is recently watch by means of internets download, a movie which starring my most favourite actors, Heath Ledger (I especially enjoy his roles in breaking back mountains: I watch that show for over 50 times) called the Batmans Dark Knight. In fact in that movies I like face of Joker so much that after advise from my general Hamid al Syed, I is request my plastic surgeon Dr Al-Qumon Yafez to make permanent my face like Joker.
Incidentally, my chemical weapons expert is recently make mistake which lead to leakage of fumes. When he die it is really funny because his face is look exactly like this as well. It simply hilarious!!

BCB: You often speak ill and preach the evils of western influences, yet you actively watch Heath Ledger movies and hang topless posters of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone and Even Steven Seagal in your bunker. Would you call this hypocrisy?

E.E Silence!!! I Keeel You!!! You are never to speak of this again

BCB: You mentioned that a chemical leak recently killed one of our chemical experts. Could you give us an insight into how powerful this chemical is and what kind of damage it is capable of?

E.E This chemicals is indeed a very powerful weapons of massive destroying. We have test this before and it have kill over 5 million goats in Uzbekistan.

BCB: Do you plan to use this chemical on anyone?

E.E I cannot tell you who he is, it will compromise my Jihad

BCB: So it’s a “He”?

E.E: I did not say no such thing, a president can be a man or a woman.

BCB: Do you know that the Achmed Alkarim school for girls will be opening next month?

E.E YahyahellzalahyaSupercalefragiliticespielidocious…….(Undecipherable Arabic)
This is problem will have to be address. I will declare a fatwa against it and will be devise a plot to make demolish it by means of explosion device. In place I will erect the Al Salem Institution for Oppression of Women. I will also be erecting during the Jean Claude Van Damme movies marathon. I love the universal soldier.

BCB: What do you think of Bin Laden? Good friend or Rival?

E.E: I think that he is a Kebab shop owning cunts.

BCB: Why are your men making so much noise? They seem very excited. Did they shoot down an American Helicopter?

E.E I am think it is likely that they are watch the latest in Mid-Eastern erotica: It involve womens wearing Jeans and Polos shirt, womens studying and also womens voting.

BCB: What are your future plans?

E.E I will continuing my Jihad against America and all the alliances of America. I will also Jihad a against non low fat milk and double cheeseburgers.

BCB: Anything else before we end this interview?

E.E: Yes i Love this FACEBOOK internets site. It let me look for my followers and I liking to stalk young underage boys who post topless photo in their photograph albums. I also liking the Quizzes.
Which Terrorist Leader are you is my favouritest.
But i reccomend this one very much.
http://apps.facebook.com/zquiz-nuruocdu/?ref=new&_fb_fromhash=c9333b61e51fa57f5928f4107a86925f
Which Egyptian God Are You?

You must taking this quiz!!!

to be continued...

And with that concludes this week's Arabic Adventures With the Egyptian Extremist!

Arabic Adventures with the Egyptian Extremist!

2009-08-21T22:01:00.001-07:00

This week's Arabic Adventures with the Egyptian Extremist Interview was conducted by Special Middle Eastern Correspondent Bradley "Van Nistelrooy" Boon.

Well hello there.

“Al hagba salami hezbollah hamas al fatwa” as they say in my country. I welcoming you infidel reader to witnessing most exciting and titillating Arabian adventures of myself, Paul al Salem the Egyptian Extremist.

Normally my peoples are big lovers of aeroplane transportation. It is very nice, the aeroplanes not only is being use for flying my special friend and weaponry builder Usaq M’ Diq from our Bishkek training camp in Kyrgyzstan into the foreign airports of our enemies, but it is also can be use for knocking into buildings like the house of Jerald Justin ( He is always say not good things about me, I would like to behead and eviscerate him in true mujahadeen fashions). Back in Cairo, we using air vehicles to demolish old pyramids we do not want anymore by crashing into them. Very economical.

As you can see from this picture, I am not having happy time even though I am on aeroplanes. Usually I like very much to be in aeroplane because I can look out of window and pick my targets for mass destructions. I know one day my dream will come true and I will make forceful takeover of aeroplanes and fly into USA. I also like to take peek at the very smart and handsome looking air hostess men. When my mission is complete, I wish my 72 virgins will all to look like male stewardess from Singapore Airlines. Very exciting, I am making sticky fluid in my tunic just by thinking about this.

The reason that in this picture I not look like happy al Salem is being cause by the fact that there is a woman making bodies contact with me. In my country, this will not tolerated. She will be having arm chopping off and feeding to the dogs. Also she will be given lashing repeatedly by village mullah leader until she is moan and beg for mercy. After which she is being drag naked into room of village leader for “reformative session” I am told. Before 1999, no womans is permit to onboard aeroplanes. I like it because then there is only men. However, after the 1999 summit in Rabat it was make decide after the Alhamid Jabbar Zawahiri reforms, that woman is now allow only in cargo hold of aeroplane next to the animals. It was being observe in a study conduct by Dr Farik M’ Balz Es-Hari that the womans in the plane is regularly make gossip with female chimpanzees. Fascinatings!!

I swear, if she touch me one more time I will trigger the remote controlling device I am holding in my hand, she should know better than to provocate the Egyptian Extremist. I press the button and the blast will kill her until she is dead. As you can clearly see, I have in place my customary earpiece which allow for communicate with central command in Afghanistan. At any moment, they can give instruction to me for hijack of plane. It is amazing what modern technologies can do. Up until 2007, we is use homing pigeon to communicate international attacks.

I have earlier make request for visitation of cockpit to the pilot but he is say that I am deemed a high risk individual and is not allow to enter. I am disappoint as I am certain that he make decision base only on seeing my Egyptian Passport. I am not make publicise on the BBC and CNN that I am responsible mastermind for a greats many attacks on the keffer westerners around the world so it is not possible that he know about this. He is a racialist and it will give me erotic pleasure to silencing him. I hereby declare jihad against him.

I also declaring a Jihad against the air hookers who is constantly try to make flirting with me. (Perhaps they cannot resist my rugged yet refined Mid-Eastern charm.) In my homeland it is frowning upon for a woman speak to a man unless she is first being speaking to . I am outrage by this lack of respect and I happy to slit her throat.

There is a very muscular and attracting Man Stewardess called Rocky. In the Middle East this kind of man is to die for. I have try to get his attention by rubbing of my crotch but he is so far not responding. Perhaps I can make pretend I have heart attack so he can breathe into my mouth and apply pressure to my chest with his strong and forcible arms.

I have been just viewing a very best movie called Terminator 2. I enjoy very much the graphics especially during the start of show when Arnold Schwarzenegger come out not wear any clothes. That for me is best part of show. I have spend last 2 hours rewinding and viewing that scene.

In the mean times, I shall continue plot untimely destruction of Israel and USA and all the infidels in the world. Until then, as a famous mentor of mine famously saying: “Silence!! I Keeel you!!!”

Seleim! Seleim!

2009-08-19T09:44:00.000-07:00

Here a little chant from the bangbrothers fc official fan club that we all love to sing:
"Samuel Seleim... McCormick's bit on the side!
He's half a boy, He's half a girl, Seleim.. Seleim...
He looks just like a transvestite, Seleim... Seleim...
He wears a frock!
He loves some cock!
He sells his arse down Albert docks!
Seleim... Seleim....
McCormick's bit on the side!"

Arabic Adventures with the Egyptian Extremist!

2009-08-18T10:37:00.000-07:00

Well hello there.

Welcome to another weekly edition of the Arabic Adventures with the Egyptian Extremist.

I am very pleased indeed to have you join me here today.

As you can see in this glorious photograph above, I was in the midst of embarking on my very first Camel Ride through the delicious deserts of Egypt.

I love taking rides. On camels, in Aeroplanes, in Automobiles, in Trains, and most especially on a naked man.

I love that word.

Naked.

and I love that other word too.

Man.

Together they form a harmoniously alluring object that I am so thoroughly fond of.

It truly warms the very essence of my loins, envisioning the beautous images that are running through my dirty little mind right now.

au naturel, defenceless, undraped, and raw.

Awaiting yours truly to take him on a ride through unrelentless pleasure.

oh how my heart burns with passionate and forbidden desire.

MEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWW.

As all of you fans and followers should know by now, I've been on a red hot scintillating streak of form for the past couple of weeks, and all this can be credited to the blessings of talent i have been bestowed upon by my great ancestors, the Royalty that is the Ancient Egyptians.

Though they say that form is temporary and class is permanent, well, i have to say that my recent spectacular performances have to be acredited to a glorious mixture of them two factors. I am a classy person, my many boyfriends have told me so.

In terms of form, well I have to say that the many "rides" i've been on recently have given me a burning injection of adrenaline that has seen itself carried over to the football pitch.

This interview is getting a bit overtly homoerotic isn't it? Oh well at least it's out there now, there you go, I am officially out of the closet. I am in love with the AngMo that is Philip McCormick and I wish to make much lucious love with him and adopt many multi-coloured children and together we will rule the world and overtake Elton John and David Furnish as the sexiest GAY couple in the world. The Egyptian Extremist and the Merseyside Ang Mo.

oh what a magnificent fantasy.

well if he isnt available there is always my comrade Talib Qatani Yah!Ya Al Jaber .

Problem is that he might not be around for long, got a job in a month's time and... well... let's say that there is a lot of him that will be going around.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

this forbidden sexuality of ours.

so much pain. so much suffering.

so little love.

looks like i just have to resort to scoring more goals so that i can get the much desired physical contact and male on male action with the players. Sweaty, ripped, and WET bodies all hugging and groping one another after I score them goals. I love it especially when Bia comes and gets all rough and dirty with me. Just thinking about it is getting me all hot and bothered. Time to get those anal beads out of my jewellery box. the POWER OF RAAHHH!!!!

la beaaauuutttyyyyyy!!!!

Join us next week for more arabic adventures with the Egyptian Extremist!

Bia Dunpheri : Player of the Month for July 2009

2009-08-17T12:36:00.000-07:00

Heartiest Congratulations to BIA DUNPHERI, the BangBrothers FC Player of the Month for July after some fast and furious voting from BangBrothers FC Squad and WAGS.

His industrious play and scorching goals has been rewarded with this month's top prize, but he had to fend off some pretty stiff competition from the Egyptian Extremist who has been in scintillating form to date.

Well done to everyone nontheless, the performances from every single squad member have been breathtaking to say the very least. Keep it up and remember that everyone's watching- YOU could be the NEXT BangBrothers FC Player of the Month!

Receiving the trophy from injured player/manager Jerald Justin

BangBrothers FC Player of the Month Trophy, the Golden Ball. Complete with personalized engraving.

xxx

in an act of transparency, here is the final voting tally.

WINNER: BIA DUNPHERI (8 VOTES)
RUNNER UP: PAUL SAMUEL (5 VOTES)
2ND RUNNER UP: GANESH KURUP (3 VOTES)
OTHER VOTES: BRADLEY BOON (2 VOTES)
KEVIN GOMEZ (2 VOTES)
MARK TEO (1 VOTE)
KALAIVAANAN (1 VOTE)
SIVANESON (1 VOTE)

Remember that the PLAYER of the SEASON will be determined by the TOTAL number of votes accumulated through the months, so be consistent and you might just stand a chance to bag the top prize!

BangBrothers FC 5 - 3 Team Yellow FC

2009-08-17T10:55:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 16 August, 2009
East Spring Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Sunny Weather

It has been exactly Five Months since the BangBrothers last played a game on the very hallowed grounds that is East Spring Secondary School. It was on this very pitch where the Brothers last saw the industrious Jerald Justin in action during a rampant 6-nil win over some thuggish golden haired Ah Bengs in Red- after some truly disastrous abject feats it was his absolute best performance in a BBFC kit to date, with many believing that he was finally hitting the form that his potential deserved after showing marked improvements in his performances in the games preceding, as well as excelling in this one, hitting the post once after great work shimmying his way down the lines and also supplying a sublime cross for the Egyptian Extremist Paul Samuel Seleim- who scored only his second goal for the Brothers during those early days where petulance and immaturity marred his game… how things have changed since then.

Dislocating his kneecap and tearing his Anterior Cruciate Ligament during a weekly kickabout days later, Jerald Justin is now still undergoing a tumultuous journey on the road back to recovery; undergoing ACL Reconstruction Surgery via the superb surgeon Dr Michael Soon, and the subsequent rehabilitation sessions with the sadistic albeit good intentioned Physiotherapist Ms Jindee Boolsambatra and Mr. Darek Lam. It’s still a long way to go but he wishes to inform everyone that he will return better than ever. Or at least better than before =)

Waving a resolute goodbye to the quartet of eternal demigods, the Brothers have also recruited an unyielding and assiduous core of individuals to more than make up for the loss- in the process reinforcing the entire backbone and tying up all the loose ends that once existed ever so explicitly. We have matured and grown has a team oh-so-spectacularly, with some consistently superb team displays and sensational moments of individual brilliance week in and week out.

It was here on this very pitch where the Brothers first donned their jet black BBFC Home Kit, and how very apt it was with today being the Official Unveiling of the BangBrothers White Away Adidas Kit, generously sponsored by Bia’s Muay Thai Gym.

And the game kicked off with the Brothers in a rather makeshift look, Bradley “Van Nistelrooy” Boon starting at right back alongside guest player Dinesh “Sliding Commando” Perumal in the centre. The rest of the backline consisted of the usual Retz “Darkness” Fernando and Kevin “Malek Awab” Gomez (left back), with the indomitable Ganesh Kurup in goal.

The midfield featured Sivaneson the Anaconda tagging up with July’s Player of the Month Bia Dunpheri and Jon Tan- who had arguably one of his most scrupulously eye-catching performances to date. Running rings round the opposition defenders time and time again, even landing a handful of them on their sorry little arses on countless occasions.

The forward line consisted of the intimidating trio of Bert “No English” Dunpheri, Paul “the Egyptian Extremist” Samuel Seleim, and Manoj “Black Berbatov” Menon.

The game started with the Brothers put on the back foot from the get go with some needless corners being conceded early on. But with the formidable Dinesh Perumal at the back, all troubles were cleared with consummate ease and conscientious calm. Accompanied by Kevin who put up a solid display at left back, the defence never really looked troubled throughout the afternoon, barring one or two heart stopping moments when “bounces” came to play.

Bert was looking menacing down the right hand side with his direct running and non-stop dedication to winning every ball that came his way. His diligence on the flanks caused our opponents much trouble and if not for the dirty habit of cigarette smoking, much could have been achieved in the final third, where the Brothers seemed to be lacking in terms of getting that final ball in.

That wasn’t a problem, however, for the ever clinical Bradley “Van Nistelrooy” Boon.
The Dashing Donkey scored another cracker of a goal despite playing at Right Back. Perhaps he should be donned the new JOHN O SHEA of BangBrothers FC.
The man has officially played in every position in the team- from Goalkeeper, to Right Back, Centre Back, Left Back, Right Midfield, Left Midfield, Defensive Midfield, and his natural Centre Forward position… even better though, is the fact that he’s scored goals from every position he’s played in barring goalkeeper- and even then during those very occasions, he managed to nutmeg opposition strikers whilst in possession of the ball. A truly all round and multi-talented “O-Shea-Esque” player.

Bradley won possession of the ball from his own half and traded passes with Bert, who after a minor altercation with the opposition left back- himself having a nightmarish time dealing with the Tremendous Thai Import- was looking sensational. Bradley found himself down the touchline before long and made a breathtaking turn and cutback, before contorting his body not unlike Snuff Film’s Flexible Positions / Deep Throat 69 starlet, Vanessa Lane, unleashing a cracker of a left foot strike that nestled itself snuggly in the bottom left hand corner of the flailing opposition keeper’s goal.
Brothers with the lead.

That goal seemed to have opened a barrage of chances for the Brothers to multiply the score tenfold easily but more often than not they seemed to struggle to find that clinical touch in front of goal. Time and time again chances were missed when it seemed easier to score. Guilty culprit number one of the missed chances was of all people July’s Player of the Month Bia Dunpheri, on one occasion slamming the ball high wide and mighty after Manoj fired a rifle of a shot that the keeper did well to palm straight into the Muay Thai Superstar’s path. An OPEN goal and BIA, somehow forgetting that he was on a football pitch and not the boxing ring, attempted to roundhouse alley kick the life out of the rotund leather orb of an object. The impact was so immense that it flew 84 degrees perpendicular to the ground, 1359 meters into the air, and burst some of the balloons that were lifting the house of the holidaying Mr. Carl Fredericksen of UP (3d) fame. The ball eventually found its way to the secondary 4E2 Classroom on the 4th floor of the adjacent building. Very perplexing stuff.

Alas, the crowd would soon find out why the misses were aplenty as the Brothers were out to highlight the notion that they are not a team to score easy goals- sensational is the key here, and the goals that came fast and furious in the second half were all of top notch EPL Highlight reel quality.

Speaking of sensational, Ganesh Kurup is one deceptively agile animal.
You heard me right.
This man, weighing in at well over 300 pounds. Can still fly like a friggin eagle with reflexes faster than the mandibles of the trap-jaw ant, Odontomachus hastatus, which, mind you, clocked in at 143 mph (230 kph) in 0.13 milliseconds, which is 2300 times faster than the blink of an eye. That was how fast (if not, faster) Ganesh reacted, considering his rather immense frame, to a point blank shot that came his way after some suicidal defending during a rare lapse of concentration from the usually razor-sharp Sliding Commando, Dinesh Perumal.
The shot came from the opposition striker who had pounced on the earlier error and he was literally 2 meters from goal, that’s TWO METRES from goal.
And the whole ground thought, that’s it, CONFIRM GOAL.
But Ganesh the “Flying Elephant” Kurup had other plans and ideas… seemingly mircalous ones to boot.
With a great shimmy of his considerable hips and a shimmery shuffle of his chunky feet, Ganesh soared like a great flying ostrich towards his left and used his outstretched size 10 left foot to deflect the ball away from goal. All this took place in 0.11 milliseconds, and the opponents stood there gap faced and ashen crested. No one could believe it, especially the WAGS who were by then in a truly orgasmic mood with their zealously fanatical screams of “GANESH MY SEXY BEAST!” Women do have a knack for saying strange things when they arrive.

With flying elephants, of course, comes its own form of ramifications as well.
The Singapore Sports Council recently requested written reports from all weekend Football Referees as a means of uncovering the true reasons to the increasingly shoddy condition of the pitches throughout the island- especially in the penalty box areas- particularly when the BangBrothers come to play.

Anyone who has ever come down to watch a BangBrothers game will lay spectator and look towards the direction of a particular flying elephant’s lack of a commanding voice and the subsequent reluctance in calling for loose balls which has culminated in what is regularly becoming a customary sight- Overcast skies witnessing the ritual clashing of two great and abhorrently ominous behemoths in the penalty box. Watch every time the ball bounces in the Brother’s penalty area and enjoy the show first hand…
bounce bounce bounce… and soon after a mammoth-like shadowy object would lumber ever so precariously towards its general direction, whilst relatively close by another ebony-esque creature trudges its way towards the ball as well. Before long a smashing Fender-bender results, with disastrous consequences. Viciously entertaining to witness, sickeningly brutal to experience first hand. The deep craters on selected spots of the pitch are the only remnants of evidence remaining to the massive collisions that have taken place between Retz and Ganesh throughout the games. SSC, I think we have your culprits.

Back to the game.
The Brothers had just wasted another glorious opportunity to put the game beyond doubt and was hit with a pacey counterattack down the right hand side. With Five players against three it was always going to be a losing battle and the opposition right winger had the simple task of slotting the ball smack down the middle after being put through by a slide rule through pass. With an onrushing Ganesh Kurup closing him down, he still had all the time in the world to compose himself and finish he did, rather simply but effectively. 1-1 and the game looked like it was going to come to life.

But the football gods had other ideas.

Paul “Pharoahnator” Seleim took us all on an Arabian nights inspired magic carpet ride when he scored straight from the restart. It was top drawer RABBIT OUT OF A HAT stuff as Andy Gray would put it. The “Pharoanator” took one step back and with the colossal power of RAHHHH! He smacked the ball with a ruthless blow from his left foot and flew it did ever so gracefully like a placid boat ride down the gorgeous river Nile. It soon made its way into the top corner with the opposition goalkeeper hapless to the task.
Ganesh was ardently untamed in his celebrations, like a feral rabid elephant on a relentless rampage, screaming “WOOOOOOOO”; obviously he wasn’t pleased with conceding the earlier goal.

SO what happened next would probably be deemed as KARMA by believers of what goes around comes around as the opposition whipped out their own brand of creamy justice. Attempting the impossible, they too took a shot straight from the restart and whilst the strike lacked considerable flight and power it did however bounce into a crater created by the earlier collision that took place. The ball’s direction was accurate but Ganesh was positioned excellently to stop its imminent destination into the back of the net, all he had to do was stand still and use both hands, if not, it would have hit his face and roll out towards Dinesh for a routine clearance. However, Ganesh thought he was Shaquille O Neal for a moment, and a half hearted flap of the right arm was what proceeded. There was no way he was going to get a firm grip on the ball with that sort of technique, considering that Shaquille probably has hands as huge as tin can. The ball of course, nestled itself into the back of the net and so the opponents made it 2-2 and Ganesh stood there fuming, mumbling somewhat about the uneven terrain of the pitch.

So even Stevens it stood at half time, with both sides uncontented with their relative performances thus far.

The second half started with the Brothers in front within the blink of an eye, from who else but the scintillating striker that is the Egyptian Extremist Tutankhamen Pharoahnator Paul Samuel Seleim to rally his troops with a splendidly taken goal after being put through by Manoj Menon (do remember to catch the next installment of the Arabic Adventures with the Egyptian Extremist!). An easy finish that saw him overtook Sivaneson on the goalscorers chart, but only for the 21 minutes and 46 seconds, as the Anaconda wasn’t going to give up his second spot so easily.

This goal proved to be the catalyst needed to open the floodgates and lo & behold the heavens literally gave way and the Brothers soon saw themselves 5-2 up in the space of 22 minutes. Courtesy of some excellent long range outside the penalty box shots via the right feet of Bia Dunpheri and Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy respectively. Both were carbon copy replications of excellent striking technique on the ball and superb placement with laser guided accuracy. Top corner both times, leaving the opposition custodian with completely no probability of saving the shots whatsoever.

Manoj Menon, the Black Berbatov, Classic Centre Forward incarnate, and Top Class Striker was his usual composed self whenever he had possession of the ball today; his finishing, however, left much, much more to be desired, making Adi Akinbayi look like Gabriel Batistuta, albeit with alot more ebony concealant. Regardless, the dashing pilot and father of one has been an inspirational free transfer signing- perhaps very much reminiscent of the Michael Owen recently acquired by the greatest club in the world, Manchester United. His finishing yesterday could rival that of Owen’s debut effort against Birmingham City, but that’s another story for another time.

He soon made way for the on loan midfielder Talib Qatani Yah!Ya Al Jaber from Yemen, near Saudi Arabia. Talib is a fellow militant cell bureaucrat from the organization that our very own Egyptian Extremist fronts, and well, the less said about his debut, the better. We were sworn in to contracts of silence and breaking it wouldn’t be such a good idea, considering their rather perilous form of hari-kiri-esque weaponry and tactics. Let’s just say he bombed.

As customary as fate would have it, Dinesh "the Sliding Commando" Perumal got involved in a hangbags incident with the opposition 2.2metre tall midfielder (he always has to take on the hugest guy in the team). Things look to get out of control with much shoving and pushing taking place as everyone including the referee and subs somehow got themselves involved in the fracas. But everything cooled down when a certain Number 8 came to the rescue, screaming my name is "BIA, from BIA'S MUAY THAI GYM." Everyone stopped at that point, heads down, hands in their pockets, whimpering their way back to the sidelines.

The opponents did manage to grab a consolation goal near the end after squeezing a shot down the left but it was always going to be the Brother’s afternoon when a particular aptly-shaped cloud came floating over the skies of East View Secondary School. Another out of this world performance from the Boys in White, who are looking good to bagging the Hustler Team of the Year awards to be held at Christmas. Keep it up boys!

Unbiasedly Reported By: Full time NSF, Currently Injured Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love, Jerald Justin Ko.

The Legend's Loft

2009-08-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

Hola, Welcome to the Legend's Loft.
My name is Timothy Song Yong How and I am a LEGEND.
You can call me Tim, Timmy, Song, Steven Gerrard, Zinedine Zidane, Eusebio, Beckanbaur, Ian Rush, John Barnes, Andy Lau, Chow Yun Fatt, Heavenly King, etc... but dont call me Lucas Leiva, you can save that for my idol, Mr Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy.
Actually, I'd rather you address me as the Legend. That's what everyone calls me nowadays, I really am that great a player.

Well as you can see in that photograph up there, that great player on the floor with his hands up in the air is yours truly. It's been happening a lot these days, me on the floor... I guess opposition players know that they cannot match a great player like me for pace, power, and panache, so they have to chop me down. If you look close enough, you can see my buay song face... because that's just me, I am actually a very nice person, but if you cross me the wrong way, I will be very BUAY SONG. Actually that was my original Chinese name, Timothy Song Buay Song... but I got made fun of during BMT, B S Song, people always make fun of me. Can you believe it? A LEGEND LIKE MYSELF! Made fun of! How they regretted it when I signed on as a Regular. Now everytime they tiok reservist always kena hell from me.

Anyway I changed my name to Yong How when I went to study in Australia, that's where I met my awesome friends who I still play with today. They call me the LEGEND because i really am that damn good. I remember one time, actually not one time la but I'm trying to be modest here, but yes, that one time in the Social League Finals, where I scored one of the greatest goals in the world to date. It was against Kelvin's best friend's team, I think it was Kennen or Kallen or Kenet or something, sorry my angmo names knowledge not very power. But yeah, anyway I remember taking the freekick like it was just yesterday. Actually I did take a freekick yesterday. I play soccer everyday because I am Tim Song and I am a Legend.

Where was I? oh yeah, it was a direct freekick on a 5 a side pitch just outside the mini penalty box. It was a three man wall and the goal was just 5 steps away. It was almost impossible to score. But I DID. you know why? It's because I am TIMOTHY SONG. and I am a LEGEND.
I didnt even need to take a run up or execute and backswing whatsoever. I just leaned back a bit, raised my right foot and SHOOOOOOOT. and GOAL.

AWESOME.

It's tough being a LEGEND in a world full of ordinary people. They just don't know what it's like to be a Heavenly King on the pitch, well I'm not a demigod just yet but I think there's a pretty plausible void for me to fill now that a particular demigod of sorts has left the team. I think the potential is there for me to fill that space. My no look passes are really tip top and out of this world (I learn from Justin in Currie Hall tennis court), but I still have to work a bit on my other trick move that I am still attempting to master- the "giving the ball away to opposition players purposely to make Retz and Mark work harder"- i think i'll leave that particular job to my idol... he's the master of that art.

Anyway, my hobbies include watching the Simpsons, saying the National Pledge at 8.22PM everyday, and replying my fan mail.

My name is Timothy Song and I am a LEGEND.

Join us next week for more Chillout Sessions at the Legend's Loft!

Arabic Adventures with the Egyptian Extremist!

2009-08-13T09:37:00.000-07:00

Our Featured Player of the Week is none other than the streaking hot on form striker and infidel favourite Paul Samuel "Egyptian Extremist/Tutankhamun/Pharaohnator" Seleim

Well hello there.
I see you've caught me in a photograph next to one of my favourite national monuments, the Egyptian Pyramids at my hometown, Classy Cairo. We have many great national monuments such as the Temple of Hathor, the Saqqara Tombs, the Sensational Sphinx, the Valley of the Golden Mummies, the Magical River Nile, the Great Pyramids of Giza, and many others. I am extremely proud of my heritage, even though i may not seem to exude such exuberance and euphoria for it in person.

Pyramids are a truly wonderful thing.
The Healthy Living Food groups are structured as such- with my absolute favourite food (Male Ejaculate) in the 2nd most important food group, Protein. My favourite gameshow of all time was called the Pyramid Game- you might remember that man they call Daryl David. Had a shag with him once after a night out at Changi Village... he was rubbish- and my favourite singer used to wear bras shaped as pyramids in the early 90s. Yes, Madonna and her conical bras. I love conical shaped objects as well. Missles and Weapons of Mass Destruction especially.

As you can see, my hands are placed in such a way that I may seem like a runway model. Observe the astute effeminaty of my delicately structured pose, left hand on hip, right hand tugging the velvety threads of my metrosexual cardigan. Oh wait i am sorry, that elongated jet black object is actually a sling. Or to be more precise, the Rifle Sling of my AK-47 Automatic Machine Gun. I love to use it for my sensational goal celebrations. Although nowadays I've more commonly been employing the use of the German Panzerfaust Anti Tank Weapon. It's all because of that damned Robbie Keane and his IRA fuelled celebrations. Talk about a lack of originality. I shall give a call to my Moroccan brothers in handling him.

Where were we? Oh yes, my trusty little friend, the AK-47.

This photograph was actually taken when i was still a youth militant cell trainee and was doing day guard duty at the entrance of our secret base back in the day. We used to inhabit the underground caverns of the Egyptian Desert until that damned GI JOE and its fellow comrades came and overthrew us. Bloody bastards infidel westerners Kos okht ile nafadak Bala ya khumak Alaan abok labo abook, yabn al gahba okho el gahba, yal manyoch kess ommek o ommen yabetek!!!

(for more arabic swear words please visit my bookmarked site: http://www.it-rx.com/insults/swearing/arabic.htm)

But yes, back to my lovely AK-47.

It can't be seen from this view of course, my surreptitiousness and camoflage skills are renowned around the cells from Syria to Sydney, and i've successfully blended into the south east asian community disguised as a Singaporean Chinese Boy, though I must say i am still not as professional as the Behemoth they call the Darkness, man he's good...

There was once a Sabotage Operation late in the wee hours of the night in the enchanting jungles of Brunei when he singlehandedly carried out the whole mission by himself, and succeeded. It was a dark night of course, which explains how he could just walk through enemy territory unschated and unharmed- like a ghost you might say, although there was a seemingly compromising moment when he bumped into a wild boar enroute to the rendezvous point, but that's a different story for a different time. but i do hear that he still carries that razorback little shoat around with him.

But back to my glorious facade.
You can actually tell from the smug look on my rather beautiful and flawlessly "Zoolander'esque" face that I am thoroughly enjoying the 74 degree Egyptian Desert heat. Ah, the wonders of the desert.

Absolutely zero greenery, and sand all around. I love sand. and I love dust. Kind of explains really how I seem to enchantingly excel on the pitches where grass is seemingly non existent. Speaking of grass, oh wait i'm in a middle of game, time for me to score a goal!
Pass the ball! Pass the ball! Pass the ball or i'll press this button! I'm warning you........!

Join us next week for more adventures with the Egyptian Extremist!

A Fond Farewell

2009-08-11T09:16:00.000-07:00

BangBrothers FC and it's staff would like to wish a fond farewell and best wishes to the eternal demigod of local football and king of stepovers, Muhd. "Teveznator" Ferroz.

Good Luck in all your future endeavours mate, it's been an amazingly awesome ride.

BangBrothers FC 2 - 1 Dirty Chinese Men FC

2009-08-11T09:04:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 9th August, 2009
Meridien Junior College
3pm, Afternoon Kickoff
Dry Hot Weather

Players: Retz Fernando, Ganesh Kurup, Timothy Song, Bia Dunpheri, Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy, Mark Teo, Bryan Neubronner, Philip McCormick, Bert Dunpheri, Jon Tan, Paul Samuel, Bradley Boon.
Unused Sub: Ferroz Muhd
Scorers: Paul Samuel (1), Bradley Christopher Boon(1).

SPECIAL GUEST WRITER OF THE MONTH:
BRADLEY CHRISTOPHER "NISTELROOY" BOON

It was a tense, dramatic and pants jizzingly exciting concluding 5 minutes to the game if your loyalties lie with BBFC. After a physically bruising and emotionally charged encounter, BBFC left it late to snatch the spoils against an unquestionably underhanded, uneducated and evidently ethically bankrupt opposition.

There was no shortage of homoerotic innuendo in the build-up to the game as Bradley arrived at the scene in his tight-fitting, semi-transparent white Adidas Techfit shirt- much to the obvious unbridled excitement of the Anaconda, Retz and Kevin who simply could not get enough of it (what can I say? I’m a people pleaser). Unfortunately he also overheard some unschooled members of the opposition team openly questioning his masculinity and outright grossly effeminate taste in fashion.

Jerald Justin is indeed a fan of man boobs as he purchased a sleek M sized red goalkeeper’s top for the Ginormous but deceptively agile Ganesh Kurup. Needless to say, the top barely fitted him and put great emphasis on his substantial chest area.

The first half was a rather cagey affair as BBFC attempted to take control of the expansive flawlessly laid Astroturf field. The Egyptian Extremist Paul Salem al Tikrti (Hd Al Jazeera Southeast Asia Militant Wing) had a marvelous opportunity to draw first blood for the brothers but could only shoot straight at the keeper after being put through on goal by the omnipresent pugilist Bia. An intifadeh has been declared against him in Iran for his miss.

That seemed to rile up the benighted opposition who deployed an amazing plethora of dirty tricks ranging from shoving the BBFC attacking players from the back and feigning injuries and diving (reminiscent of an ex BBFC player).

Chances were few and far between thanks in no small part to the domineering performance of Mark Teo who made countless last ditch challenges when the opposition was bearing down on the BBFC goal. One in particular was immaculately timed, literally nicking the ball away from the foot of the striker who was all ready to shoot from 6 yards out. Magnificent stuff from the sturdy centre half.

The brothers were struggling to string decent attacking moves together and their only shot on goal came through right winger Bradley who attempted a long range shot which was gathered by the goalie.

It was a tactical chess-like match with neither side able to find a breakthrough until an opposition player appeared to trip himself in the BBFC penalty area. Mysteriously, the referee deemed fit to award a penalty. (An FAS investigation should be in the offing) And in the wise words of our own Rafa Benitez “The CPIB should clam down on him! RUBBBBIISSSHHHHHHH” Other dodgy officiating moments included calling a foul when Bradley made a clean sliding challenge and winning the ball in the process. He also had a fetish for blowing for offside whenever BBFC looked to mount a meaningful attack.

Despite all the clever rhetoric, there was little that our impregnable hero Ganesh Kurup could do about the shot as he committed himself, throwing his considerable weight to his right as the ball nestled dead centre in the back of the net. No blame attached but an unfortunate goal to concede nonetheless. It was an absolute sickening blow occurring minutes before the break.

0-1 then as the ref bought an end to the proceedings of a tainted 1st period.

Captain fantastic Siva the Anaconda made several “inspired” changes during the break in an effort to reverse BBFC’s fortunes. Jerald Justin has made a startling assessment regarding BBFC’s spiritual leader. He has astutely observed that while players like Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard, Michael Carrick, Xavi, and Andres Iniesta turn away from their markers upon receiving the ball, the Anaconda has an uncanny knack of turning instead into the direction of his marker, inevitably losing the ball in the process. Perhaps he has unrivalled faith in his own ability to face the marker head on and beat him on the subsequent turn… perhaps not.

The Brothers began the second period with much more vim. Winger Jon was much more involved in the proceedings, embarking on purposeful runs into the box. He was desperately unfortunate not to level the scoreline as he flashed a shot agonizingly wide of the far post. Only more profligacy in front of goal prevented the brothers from finding the equalizer. Tim headed over the bar from 4yards after an impeccable outswinging corner. Retz followed suit as he headed Philip’s tantalizing cross from the right wide of the far post when it seemed easier to score.

Bradley was reintroduced in place of Bryan with 20 minutes to go as the brothers threw everything forward in an effort to score the elusive equaliser.

Jon unleashed a rasping 20 yard drive which seared menacingly through the air and crashed against the bar. He held his head in his hands in utter disbelief. The quality of the effort most definitely deserved more. At that point one wondered what the brothers had to do to get a goal. Frustrations were spilling over as the Egyptian Extremist petulantly kicked the ball away after yet another bogus offside call from the ref.

Another chance came the way of the dominant brothers as they camped in the opposition half. Bradley managed to jink his way past a defender and smashed a shot toward goal. The keeper however made an absolutely stupendous fingertip save. It seemed that the brothers could have played on till midnight and still not have been able to score.

With 5 minutes remaining however, the graft, skill, industry and never say die attitude of the brothers paid dividends and how. Jon and Bia exchanged a series of passes before the latter found himself facing a wall of 3 defenders. Showing exemplary vision and calmness, he spotted Bradley making a run into the penalty box from the right, and released the ball to him with a slide rule pass. Making no mistake, the no. 10 shifted the ball pass the left back and trashed a haymaker into straight into the top corner. As soon as the net bulged he whipped of his shirt and embarked on a frenzied celebration as he ran back to his own half. At the request of Kevin Gomez, he also pulled down his shorts (only half way though; remember, people pleaser) and was duly yellow carded by the homophobic referee.
The over the top homoerotic celebration was retribution for the opposition alluding to the fact that he had a preference for male partners. (Call me a fag at your peril). It was sweet to shove their moronic words back up their Neanderthal asses. The opposition was clearly rattled and began spewing Chinese profanities.
Cometh the hour, cometh the man and if Elton was present, he surely would have cometh in his elaborately gaudy pants.

1-1 BBFC and no less than their dominance warranted.

Straight from the kickoff, the brothers found themselves in a spot of bother as the opposition somehow broke free with the striker charging down on goal. Typically though, defensive stalwart Mark Teo made yet another crucial tackle, clearing the ball to safety. What a performance indeed.

With 2 minutes to play Bradley pressured the left back who somehow in panicked fashion cleared the ball hilariously into his own face. Seizing the ball, the winger gleefully sprinted down the right, cut in and shaped to shoot. Seeing the extremist in a better position, he squared to him and he unleashed a rather tame grounder which somehow the wimpy reserve keeper spilled (the original keeper was substituted after the 1st goal) as the ball squirmed under his arms and into the net. The brothers went wild with delight.

The extremist was ecstatic and celebrated by running to the sidelines and producing an anti aircraft weapon from his deceptively diminutive bag, subsequently firing an RPG round into the air amidst some pretty fervent celebrations all round.
2-1 BBFC.

The final whistle was like music to the brothers’ ears. A seemingly lost cause had been salvaged and the game was snatched right at the death. Seemingly beaten, the brothers kept their wits about them and Creamed all over the oppositions faces.
The win was even sweeter after the way the opposition conducted themselves.

This was indeed a most satisfying win. One in which the brothers were pushed to the edge but never backed down even when it seemed that luck was not with them. The attitude and mental toughness displayed was commendable. A good team effort with no bickering and antagonizing. One can only imagine the potential of a full strength BBFC squad. Heads up guys, but keep your feet on the ground. Well played.

BangBrothers FC 4 - 2 Chinese Boys FC

2009-08-06T01:43:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 2nd August, 2009
Bedok View Secondary School
5pm, Afternoon Kickoff
Dry Hot Weather

SPECIAL GUEST WRITER OF THE MONTH:
BRADLEY CHRISTOPHER "NISTELROOY" BOON

Perhaps he was on a run of good form, or more likely, it may have been the fact that the shit sandy field may have reminded him of home comforts-his training camp in the deserts of Afghanistan but whatever the underlying reason, the Egyptian extremist Paul Salem al Tikriti thrived on a desolate field in which almost everyone else struggled to adapt to.

After an over-dramatic team photo with more than a hint of homosexual undertones, the brothers took to the field in their all black kits (looking very suave and menacing indeed).

It didn’t take long for them to set things in motion as a long punt down the flank from right back Kevin was chased down by yours truly who showed the defender a clean pair of heels, cut into the box and centred the ball to none other than Paul al Tikriti (Hd Al Jazeera Southeast Asian Militant Wing) who tapped into an empty net with minimal fuss. He celebrated his goal by firing a plastic AK 47 wildly into the air (he had specially purchased it from the toys section at popular bookstore at $4.95 prior to the game) in unrestrained and unbridled jubilation. He dedicated his goal to the M.I.L.F (The militant type not the 45 year old woman you probably are fantasizing about.)
kindly refer to the link for more information... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moro_Islamic_Liberation_Front

1-0

The brothers however, were pegged back when a comedy of defensive errors resulted in Phillip McCormick walloping an attempted clearance right into the ass of an opposition player. Somehow, the ball managed to trickle over the line-much to everyone’s chagrin. Highly unfortunate to say the least .
1-1

There was damning evidence that what goes around will eventually come around and then some. BBFC was dealt a huge slice of good fortune (though Kalai insists otherwise) when the Bangra Banger launched a clearance (he swears upon his ancestors it was a shot) deep into the opposition half. Somehow in a hybrid of Stephen King and the Matrix, time seemed to stand still as the ball nestled into the top corner. An absolutely outrageous strike which you will find hard to replicate even on Pro-Evolution. He was in a frenzy after such a breath-taking, mind boggling, logic defying tyco shot that he could no longer control his elation and started gyrating to the music of Bollywood smash hit
Jay-Ho.2-1

So BBFC went into the break 2-1 up but it really should have been more but for the lack of a killer final ball.

The second period bore much resemblance to the first with the brothers enjoying long spells of possession only to see promising moves disintegrate due to a sloppy final pass or cross. However, all worries were put to bed when the Extreme Egyptian pounced on a long ball to lob the hapless goalie with much impudence.3-1 and a second which capped a stellar display by the anti American.3-1

Bradley then had a chance to extend the lead when put through on goal by Manoj, alas he tried to be too clever and attempted to round the keeper, in the process getting the ball stuck under his foot as the chance went begging.

Captain Fantastic Siva the Anaconda was at his imposing best, heroically ducking an outswinging corner instead of challenging the opposition player. Needless to say it resulted in an easy header which gave a rather outstanding Ganesh no chance at all. Now if he had been playing dodge ball……a winner for sure. A silly goal to concede via some slack Boumsong/Bramble-esque defending and the opponents were given a sudden breath of fresh air. 3-2

Wing Wizard Zen has little confidence in the abilities of the skin headed one. When he lined up to take a free kick in a threatening area, Zen confidently laid down a $5 wager that the ball would end up anywhere but in the back of the net. On any other day he would not have had a worry in the world but in keeping with the strange events that had occurred earlier, his shot somehow rose above the 2-man defensive wall and went in off the post, leaving the goalie absolutely gob smacked and Zen $5 poorer.

Kalai scoring from his own half, Siva scoring from a free kick, BBFC winning with Bia’s wife in attendance….it was just like a scene from the x-files. Proof that a parallel dimension might indeed exist.

BangBrothers FC 5 - 2 Yishun Boys FC

2009-07-29T22:07:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 26 July, 2009
Punggol Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Warm Sunny Weather

Special Guest Writer: Sivaneson " The Anaconda" AND "Self Declared Imperious" Krishnamoorthy with SEVERE and RELENTLESS editing by Full time NSF, Currently Injured Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love, Jerald Justin Ko.

Finding their way back at the reclusive confines of Punggol Secondary School after a long absence, the Bangbrothers found themselves up against a familiar team of middle aged men, who’s gameplay consisted of mostly physical intimidation and outright hooliganism rather than skill, earned them a draw in the previous meeting. Depleted as some players had been away to see a Top World Class Team in action at the National Stadium, complemented by the fact that Liverpool were playing them, the Brothers found themselves having to call on onloan players, Nicky, Ken, Alif and Halim yet again.

Deploying a 4-4-2 formation, with Ganesh “Barthezella” in goal, and Retz “the MammothJammoth of a Behemeth’Fernando, Kalai “Chindian” Sadyapan, Kevin and brother Nicky in defence. The midfield consisted of Bia the "Muay Thai Superstar" Dunpheri and Siva "Anaconda" Krishnamoorthy, with Ken and Alif on the wings, and Zen "Michael Owen" Chan partnering international FBI listed Paul "the egyptian extremist" Seleim plying their trade together upfront.

The opening exchanges were quite tentative as YBFC tried yet again to impose their physical presence, taking advantage of a patched up BBFC. The opponents centre midfield, albeit being a CPF collecting 55 year old, was doing a great job trying to string passes that resulted in attack after attack on BBFC’s goal. However, in a swift counter offensive move, a through ball played by Bia was latched onto by Alif down the left wing and after a shimmy or two, including a dramatic “slip” in the box, he regained his footing and composure to drive the ball spectacularly into the roof of the net.

1-0 BangBrothers

Pushing forth, YBFC started to send numbers into the box in search of an equalizer, making one think it was the last 10 mins of an FA cup final match. A move that would soon hurt them, as goalpoacher and recovering cumslut Zen “Micheal Owen “ Chan prodded home from close range after hassling the opposition defender off the ball with some great upper body strength and fortitude, before regaining his poise and slotting the ball home past an onrushing goalkeeper.

2-0 BangBrothers

One didn’t have to wait long for a goal soon after as the opponents 55yearold Virgin scored straight from the restart. His long range shot from kickoff had BBFC goalie Ganesh’ Barthezilla’ Kurup’s panties twisted in a bunch as he started doing Daler Mehndi’s Tunuk Tunuk. But despite of the wannabe chakade patteh di totteh Bhangraman, he was unable to keep the shot out as it floated ever so charmingly over the corpulent wonder that was our perky custodian, and into the back of the net.

2-1 Yishun Boys

The second half started with some tinkering to the starting 11, with natural left footers and seemingly artistic and autistic minds respectively, Alif and Paul “Egyptian Extremist” Seleim, switching to the left back and left wing position correspondingly, with Kevin moving up to supplement the midfield as they moved into 4-5-1 formation.

The move paid immediate dividends as Bia latched onto yet another wondrous through ball from the left flank, cutting past one player before drilling an unstoppable low shot past the keeper.

3-1 Bangbrothers

YBFC pushed on harder as they started to lose the plot at times. After a seemingly innocuous challenge on Winger Ken, YBFC’s menopausal defensive midfielder started to lose his cool, trying to pick up a fight on absolutely no substantial grounds whatsoever and was yellow carded for his troubles and subbed off by his own team mates.
Paul was in for some rough challenges as well as his speedy pace behind the defenders was creating problems for YBFC. His sheer pace and superb speed took him past the fullbacks on more than one occasion and was finally rewarded with a splendidly taken goal. On this occasion, using the unrivalled Power OF RAH! Our Egyptian Extremist and Pharaoh incarnate Paul “Tutankhamun Nibhurrereya” Samuel Seleim flashed his way down the wings past some flabbergasted and accursed (mummified) defenders and unleashed a strike so powerful that it would have parted the red sea with relative ease.

4-1 Bangbrothers

YBFC managed to pull one back from a corner, however, albeit through some hilarious comical circumstances. An inswinging cross was swung in, and that was when Ganesh “Barthezella’ Kurup tried to balleh balleh his way up to collect the corner without even shouting for it. Kalai the Chindian Rajnikanth came somersaulting in as a result, and asthe mass of blackness clashed, trying to merge somewhat, being watched on by the other mass of blackness that was Retz ‘the mammothjammoth of a behemoth” Fernando (editor’s note: those were really DARK times. hahaha), the ball fell kindly to the opposition striker who managed to tap it in, and in the process even get a twisting kungfu in better than chuck Norris and Amitabh Bachan bloody baassssturrrrrrd’ kick, which completely missed the ball.

4-2 YBFC

The defining moment of the game was here. The crowd rose as the one and only Prince of Puiness, Prince of Insurers, Prince of Cindy’s and Victoria’s Eddy EGGEY EGGEY Goh came on. A speedy Zen “Micheal Owen” Chan beat his marker and drilled a low cross into the box. Eddy Goh, Puiness supreme… his royal Puiness, ran in and with one of his trademark tapins, managed to divert the cross into the bottom right corner. The crowd went absolutely bonkers.

5-2 BBFC (FULL TIME)

The brothers did well to bounce back from the narrow defeat last week. The new look team looks sharper faster and more as a team as from defence to attack, the unity, the crispness of passing, the camaraderie has never looked better. Teams having played BBFC, to quote the captain of an anonymous opposition captain,’ oh no not you guys again.’ The desire to keep playing the beautiful game, to always get that goal whether 1-0 up or down has come to epitomize the spirit of this team blending youthful exuberance with maturing heads. Keep up the good work boys.

Superstar on 4 month Loan Spell

2009-07-26T11:44:00.000-07:00

BangBrothers FC welcomes the Prosperously Ponderous Prince of Pui-ness himself, the legendary Eddy "Pui-EH!" Goh to the team on a 4 month loan spell from JCO Prudential Football Club.

Eddy wishes to inform fans and followers that you may approach him for any "advice" on your finanical queries/matters(Insurance Cover). Kindly Contact him @ 96271891.

Unbiasedly Reported By: Full time NSF, Currently Injured Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love, Jerald Justin Ko.

BangBrothers FC 0 - 1 Team Harvester

2009-07-19T08:47:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 12 July, 2009
Yi Ling Secondary School, Marsiling.
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Cloudy Weather

Special Guest Writer: Sivaneson " The Anaconda" AND "Self Declared Imperious" Krishnamoorthy

The BangBrothers looked a weakened squad today when several key players were not listed on the team sheet due to academic and other pursuits. To make things worse, 3 key players (once again not appreciating the fine matter of timeliness) had turned up late, and the brothers were forced to start with just 9 men at the kickoff with loan players alif(bia’smuaythaigym) and azif(paul’s friend) on loan. A makeshift defence and team line up were put forth with team harvester’s players gleefully looking on expecting to harvest several goals against their opponents.

Harvester had the better opening chances due to numerical advantages with several through balls being played through, only for their finishing in the final third, and several last ditch defending from Mr Dependable Mark Teo, and midfield stalwarts Siva and Bia. As the game progressed, the brothers despite their numerical disadvantage started to gain momentum with Bert and on load winger Azif combining well to create several chances which were thwarted by the onform opponents.

As the game wore on, and numerical fairness restored after the three musketeers showed up, Harvester resorted to pumping long balls towards their central striker after not giving an inch of playing space in a midfield that was imperiously controlled by central midfielders Bia and Siva.

Half Time 0-0

The second half started with Harvester gaining some momentum, and with Kevin looking like the halftime break had severely relaxed him, with the latter making some uncharacteristic mistakes in defence, which thankfully were not punished by Harvester. The brothers soon started to gain momentum again, with shots from Bia and Paul being either saved or cleared by the keeper. Returning Zen’ Micheal Owen’ Chan, had a beautiful chance to put the brothers ahead when being played through one on one with the keeper, only to have his social league habits of opting for power rather than placement take over his better judgement, with his shot being rammed straight into the keeper.

Jon, returning from a long absence had a chance to put the brothers ahead. Bia was fouled at the edge of the box with a high boot, and Jon stepped up, taking a powerful shot which bulged into the net. Goal? Disallowed by the referee who insisted that he had signalled for an indirect freekick. Jon was picking up pace with his attacks and another cross into the penalty box, teased everyone, including onrushing striker Bert, whose hardon got in the way of him adjusting his knees to shoot into an open net.

The feeling of this was not to be their day was rushing in. Second on loan winger Alif had his freekick smothered and scrambled away by the opposition keeper, whilst Jon, on the rampage, had picked up the balloon the left wing and laid a pass on for the onrushing Siva. With a shimmy of the hips, he created space for himself only for his shot on the turn to whizz agonizingly wide of the far post (editor’s note: it was much further than he wants you to believe). Harvester were picking up scraps on the break, one very nearly going in, as a ball was hit up to their main striker. After a few bobbles, he found himself one on one with Retz “ The MamamothJammaoth of a Behemoth” Fernando, only to put his shot high. The brothers continued to foray for the winner when disaster struck. On loan winger Alif had his pass cut out, with the opponents playmaker intercepting and running in through on goal. Mark Teo was the first on the scene and tried to make a last ditch tackle, only to have been judged to have brought down the opponent in the box. 4 mins to go. Penalty to team Harvester.

Their playmaker stepped up and coolly slotted the ball past Retz “ The MamamothJammaoth of a Behemoth” Fernando.

1-0 to Team Harvester.
The brothers forayed further for a goal with time being their enemy, and indeed it was as the final whistle blew.

A loss after many months of riding high against opponents. Though the brothers cannot be faulted for today’s performance, from the makeshift defence to the midfield, the loss of key players in important positions affected their smooth freeflowing play with several other players having to have been shifted around. One can only hope that despite their journeys from the far east to the extreme wilderness of the wild wild west and up to the highest peaks of the north, that distance and the time does not take a toll on their players and their ability to attend games.

2009-07-13T01:32:00.000-07:00

The Inaugural BangBrothers FC Player of the Month/Year Awards

On a truly landmark note, we will be introducing the Player of the Month awards starting August.

An extra dollar will be collected from each player every week and a portion of this pool will be used to purchase a prize for the player of the month.

The remainder of this pool will be snowballed for the end of the year awards, still to be decided, but a rough idea will be such awards as Defender, Midfielder and Forward of the Year.

Votes will be cast by the players, fans, and WAGS+Siblings+Parents.

Each individual is allowed to cast a maximum of one vote at any one time.

Unbiasedly Reported By: Full time NSF, Currently Injured Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love, Jerald Justin Ko.

BangBrothers FC 4 - 0 Team Orange FC

2009-07-12T13:45:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 12 July, 2009
Bukit Merah Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Cloudy Weather
Starting Lineup: Retz Fernando, Ganesh, Kalaivaanan, Mark Teo, Philip McCormick, Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy, Kevin Gomez, Bert Dunpheri, Bia Dunpheri, Paul Samuel, Bryan Neubronner.
Substitutes: Zen Chan.
Scorers: Bia (1), Kevin (1), Mark Teo (1). Paul Samuel (1)

A reported sighting of a flying elephant in Bukit Merah was seen on the Strait’s Times interactive website STOMP at about 5 in the evening today, but attendees of the BangBrothers game would assure you with paramount confidence that it was merely their custodian performing a miraculous one handed diving save that stunned the entire Bukit Merah Grass Roots Constituency and its neighbours into perpetual astonishment at that truly phenomenal moment when the richter scale hit a modest 6, with tremors felt as far as the Keppel Road Shenton Way area (luckily it was a sunday). It was early on in the game and the Brothers had given away the ball in midfield (kindly place your guesses on the tagboard as to who this infamous perpetrator is) and released the opposition striker on a clear path through on a platinum freaking platter. With the goal at his mercy, well actually he had a pretty formidable elephantine obstacle in the form of Barthezella, the striker unleashed a ferocious strike that seemed destined to smash the back of the net into a willowy mess.

The brothers grimaced at the sight and expected the worse… but then, out of NOWHERE, out of FRIGGIN NOWHERE, Ganesh BARTHEZELLA Kurup flew, he literally FRIGGIN FLEW to his right, with an outstretched arm, and palmed the rocket of a shot up and away for a corner. YES. HE FLEW. The ELEPHANT FLEW. And he saved the brothers this time round. Tremendous applause reverberated through the ground as even the opposition coach stood gaped faced with jaws to the ground.

It was in the hilly confines of Bukit Merah where the Brothers last saw the dazzling Zen Chan weave his way through opposition defenders, leaving them to weep and whimper on their backsides in his wake, and it was auspiciously fitting to see him return once again today at the very same arena, where the Brothers were 8-3 victors the last time around against the Bukit Merah Abangs.
On this small and narrow pitch, it was the Brothers who controlled most, if not, all of the game, against a now increasingly familiar Team Orange FC, who we have played against three times already in our short history thus far.

Their predictable predilection for long balls did them more harm than good as it was eaten up and spitted out on countless occasions by the progressively astute defenders of the BangBrothers academy, the quartet of the Darkness Retz Fernando, Loverboy Markie, AngMo Philip, and BanglahMan Kalai doing their job rather impressively.

The Brothers employed a more direct approach, choosing to hit square balls down the lines, utilizing the outstanding paceinessof Paul the Egyptian Extremist Al Seleim and the dogged fortitude of Bryan “RUBBIISSHHH LAAA” Neubronner.

Bia’s penchant for performing muay thai-esque kicks without any form of apprehension was once again seen as he put his agileness and gymnast-like limbs to good use, clearing loose balls with gusto. And it was Bia who opened the scoring with a tremendous dog of an effort, biting at loose balls and closing down the opponent’s midfield.

It was during one such occasion early on where he made a malevolent albeit sanitary challenge, striking the ball once, twice, both rebounding off defenders who were knocked unconscious by his relentless strikes and as it came back to him a the third time he showed absolutely unyielding viciousnes, thumping a 150km/h volley past the outstretched keeper and into the goal.

One wonders exactly what went into Kevin’s soup the night before as he collected the ball from midfield midway through the first half and travelled with it a few paces, before letting rip a missle that pummeled its way through the air and smashed the underside of the crossbar before settling itself at the back of the net ala Pedro Mendes. An absolute belter. Giving the keeper absolutely no chance whatsoever.

Andik claims that it wasn't the soup but something alot more promiscous that did the trick... well who ever said you can't go giddy in the bedroom the night before and not score goals is clearly off his rockers judging from that cracker of a strike.

With his colgate smile and consummate good looks, Kalaivaanan was doing his best impersonation of Bollywood legend and Tamil luminary 'Super Star' Rajnikanth, by attempting to swivel and gravel his way past opponents for the entire duration of the game without any form of personal protection i.e. shin pads. He got his just desserts early in the second half when a two footed challenge saw the opponents rather haughty studs getting caught head on into his rather decadently ebony left shin.

For some of Rajnikanth’s best videos, kindly refer to this link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OX6aqKAfAW0

Mark Teo saw himself on the scoresheet through a mixture of fortuitous serendipity and a huge slice of composure as he somehow found himself in front of goal with the ball at his feet after being tumbled down in the box by an opponent defender.
Standing up, he realized that he had the ball in front of him and, using the left foot, hacked away at the ball he most certainly did with all his might. And scored he did too, with the archetypal Markie Teo celebration, fists raised arns parallel neck high along with a grudginglyconstipated look and screaming his trademark: “YEAH COME ON!”.
It was a good goal considering the factors, excellent positioning, cool collected finishing, and sheer style. Then again anyone could say that he was just a lucky bastard at the right place at the right time. =)

The same couldn’t be said, however, of the Egyptian Extremist Paul Samuel Seleim, who made every single one of Siva’s countless misses look rather unfortunate (I’m being extremely generous here), as after some great work from the much maligned (by his paternal parent- we all love him) Bryan Neubronner down the left hand side, Paul Samuel Seleim missed from the immensely enormous length of 1 metre out, sliding in with legs outstretched, making good contact with the ball but somehow managing to hit it 98 degrees (i doooo… cherrishhh yoouu….) into the air and over the crossbar, to the antagonism of the entire crowd in attendance, and the sheer disbelief from the two esteemed coaches of BangBrothers FC, Rafa Neubronner Benitez and Jerald Mourinho Ferguson Justin.

“EH BLOODY KELONG LAH PAUL!!! BLAARRDEEE KAAYYYLOONNNNNGG” yelled the ever indomitable Neubronner Benitez from the touchline.

But Paul made amends for his terrible miss by putting some gloss on the scoreline with his 10th goal in 12 consecutive games for the Brothers.
Philip the AngMo McCormick, devastating as always down the right hand side with his bombing runs, piledrived himself past two rather smitten opponents, taken in by his debonairly suave boyish façade, and with all the time in the world he picked out the centre forward donning an oddly shaped alarm clock like apparel on his chest. The Egyptian Extremist Paul Samuel Seleim plucked the ball from the air like an apple from a tree and let fly a shot... straight at the keeper. Unfortunately for the Team Orange custodian, the ball hit his shoulder and deflected itself onto a defender's back and right into goal.
A fluke of sorts for the increasingly imposing Egyptian Wonder, but a deserving fluke no less.

The flying elephant Ganesh Barthezella Kurup had a once in a lifetime chance to put himself, a goalkeeper, on the scoresheet as the team elected him to take the penalty out of sheer admiration for his earlier miraculous save.

However, any approbation and good faith in the man was soon diminished as he made, once again, Sivaneson’s innumerable myriad of missed penalties awfully pale in comparison. (once again i'm heaving with the genoristy of a billionaire philanthropist here)

With the opposition keeper and our very own Egyptian Extremist still on the ground being nursed for their injuries, Barthezella ~~ran~~ sauntered, from his own six yard box across the field and onto the other, as he stood firm on the ball, already replaying the sight in his inspired mind of himself moonwalking in celebration of a splendidly taken penalty.

Stepping up with gargantuan self confidence, Barthezella stroked the ball with oversized grace and as the crowd opened their mouths in anticipation, Ganesh screamed “AHYO”.

Somehow forgetting that he was taking a penalty and NOT a goalkick, Barthezella saw his potential dream of getting his virginic goal fade into the distance, with the ball going high, wide, and mighty.. Over the raised fence and into the bushes.
Thank Hari Krishna we were 3 nil up by then.

A comment by the opposition member credited the Brothers desire and family like bond- “3 nil up and they’re still running and chasing the loose balls, they really love to play.”

Full Time. And the Brothers are looking more and more like a truly cohesive unit, a force to be reckoned with, full of aspiration and hunger.
Perpetrators watch out, We’re CUMMING for you.

Unbiasedly Reported By: Full time NSF, Currently Injured Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love, Jerald Justin Ko.

BangBrothers FC 8 - 1 Team Orange FC

2009-07-02T07:17:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 28 June, 2009
Greenview Secondary School
3pm, Afternoon Kickoff
Dry Hot Weather

SPECIAL GUEST WRITER OF THE MONTH:
BRADLEY CHRISTOPHER "NISTELROOY" BOON

Writers note:

(I apologise for this hastily written report. A great many things require my attention and Manoj scored so many goals I forget how they went in.)

Pace, Power, Precision and Panache were all ruthlessly imposed by BBFC on the hapless opposition . They may have beaten us 3-1 before when we were bereft of more than half of our regulars but on this occasion, the sobering truth well and truly set in as an unrelenting wave of BBFC attacks left them battered and bruised .

The starting 11 (rather 10 due to the failure of Mr al Salem and Mccormick to appreciate timeliness) was replete with all the attributes necessary for a successful side. The irrepressible goal machine Manoj spearheaded the attack and was supported ably by mercurial wingers Bert and Bryan. Midfield stalwarts Bia and the anaconda (who is finally starting to make good use of his 6’1 frame) were in charge of keeping the BBFC engine running and goalie Retz Fernando was seldom troubled due to the imperious central defensive partnership of Mark and Jonathan while fullbacks Kevin and Bradley augmented the attacks with penetrating and tireless runs.

It was from one such move that BBFC took the lead. The opposition left winger tried audaciously to beat Bradley for pace on the outside but was quickly disabused of that notion as he was dispossessed by your’s truly who then embarked on a purposeful run down the wing and released Bryan who impudently cut into the box. Showing great awareness and maturity, he elected not to pull the trigger and instead squared to a better placed Bia to tap in. Simple yet stunningly beautiful 1-0

Another breath-taking display of sleek passing movement culminated in the second goal as good interplay between the midfiled duo of Siva and Bia released Manoj who displayed uncanny agility in turning his marker and firing an unerring shot into the top corner. 2-0

The opposition goalie barely had the luxury of scratching his balls before he was picking the ball out of the net yet again. A right wing cross from Bradley was knocked down by Manoj to Bia who slid the ball through the defender’s legs to pick out an onrushing Bryan who finished with aplomb. His whole family (literally) arose to give their hero a standing ovation. 3-0 and it all seemed surreal. At this point, Retz barely had a save to make.

Not resting on their laurels, BBFC continued to try and add to the score line and were duly rewarded when Bryan sought out an overlapping Bradley who thumped a shot against the defender. While the ball seemed suspended for an eternity in the air, he executed a speculative bicycle kick which fell kindly in the path of Manoj who gleefully tucked it away. Bread and butter stuff for what I’d consider BBFC’s best ever striker. 4-0

Manoj then claimed his richly deserved first half hat-trick as he commandingly converted a cross by left winger Bert. Easy pickings again for the prolific hitman. With barely half an hour played BBFC held an unassailable 5-0 lead.

The floundering opposition tried their best to make a game of it and scored a consolation with the last kick of the half. Amazingly, this writer overheard their goalie over optimistically claiming that the goal would herald a comeback. (This is not Fifa 2009 on easy mode) 5-1

With Paul and Phillip back into the fray, Kevin made way while Bradley was made to start the second half in goal. He was literally out of business as BBFC boxed the opposition into their own half for large periods. Phil did not have to wait long for a goal as he authoritatively powered in a header from Bert’s corner kick. 6-1

Paul al Salem joined in the celebrations as he added his name on the score sheet as well. A pass from Manoj was swept in by the Egyptian Extremist who is fast becoming an indispensable member of the squad. 7-1

Manoj then made BBFC history as he grabbed his fourth of the day after some neat interplay between the front three. His glut of goals is testament to his unrivaled knack of sniffing out chances and ability to pop up at the right places at the right moments. His heading ability is also to be lauded. 8-1

A goalfest that was thoroughly enjoyed by all associated with the fine organization known as BBFC. We need to keep up the tempo and high octane football and not get lulled into a sense of security and smugness. The team is clearly going places and I applaud everyone of you.

BangBrothers FC 3 - 3 Asta La Vista FC

2009-06-22T06:04:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 21 June, 2009
Farrer Park Field
5pm Evening Kickoff
Friggin Hot Weather

Special Guest Writer: Sivaneson " The Anaconda" Krishnamoorthy

The match kicked off during unusually hot weather at 5pm at the Farrer Park field. There were no shortage of supporters or onlookers as both teams brought their own sets of wags as well as the local tekka market inhabitants even being inspired to give up cricket and try their hand at soccer. The brothers lined up without dependable Phil, up and coming Bryan and the effervescent Bradley in their line up, as well as missing out on the fantastic foursome of Ron, Wan, the Teveznator and Divin Dharvin TM. Manoj Menon, aka Larsson was kept on after some negotiation on extending his loan spell, together with new imports Jonathan Sinnakannu, Brother Trevor and Chan Ho.

With the eccentric goalie Ganesh "Barthezella" Kurup back between the sticks, this meant that the backline consisted of Retz, Mark, Kevin and Kalai, with Biya, Jonathan and Siva patrolling the centre midfield with a three pronged attack of Manoj,Bert and Paul.
Barely 3 minutes into the game, a long looping ball was sent into the BangBrothers field, with Mr Dependable, Mark Teo ramming it away.. only for it to be struck smacked into Siva’s head. A blow which would be affecting him during the game (editor: are you sure it’s not just your usual game? hahaha). A tense first half saw chances going either way, the speed of BB’s counterattacks and patient buildup, against the flair of ALV’s strikers and central midfield.

BB took the lead midway through the first half. After gaining a corner, and without regular set piece taker the TEVEZNATAAAR around, Siva stepped up for the task. Instead of swinging the ball into the crowded penalty box, a cross was sent to the edge of the box where a certain behemoth mammothjammoth Retz was running in and met the ball with a sweet header which had beaten the entire defence.
1-0 to the Brothers

As the match progressed, ALV pushed on for their equalizer, but was being fantastically thwarted by a well marshaled defence as well as good all round pressure. Retz and Mark were particularly fantastic sweeping up loose balls after good hassling from the tireless fullbacks Kevin and Kalai who showed great composure to keep the trickery of the opposition forwards at bay. Trevor was brought in for Siva, with the latter still dazed from the earlier head collision and was thrown up with the Brothers reshaping to a 4-4-2 formation which was still holding the opposition at bay.

With a minute left to half time, the left winger took a shot at goal after cutting in. Goalie Barthezella, prone to lapses of concentration, and lobbing balls.. which is a common weakness shared with Mr Retz "the Behemoth" Fernando was beaten after being distracted with an onrushing winger.

1-1
The second half started and the brothers pushed on for a goal and were duly rewarded as the pace of Paul took him past the opposition right back. His shot was too hard for the keeper to handle as he could only parry it to the onrushing Manoj who gleefully tapped in the ball for his second in as many games.

2-1
ALV however were not discouraged and pushed on as the brothers tired from having a lack of their usual team mates around. After much hard work, a stray loose ball finally beat Retz and Mark. Goalie Ganesh, seemingly looking in control of the one on one situation, suddenly had a momentary lapse and hesitation as he stopped, letting the striker latch on to the ball to strike the equalizing goal.

2-2
Rejuvenated with the goal, and against a team, ALV pushed on, and again, the Black Barthez was out of sorts after a long ranged effort beat him after he chose to come out and seemingly mark the onrushing striker yet again.

3-2 to the ALV
Trevor was brought back into the fray, as the brothers pushed on despite their tiring legs. The 4-4-2 formation was brought back with Trevor pushing forward to partner Manoj, Biya and Jonathan back in the centre and Siva pushing on the right. It was a move that paid dividends as a throw in won late in the second half was won by Trevor who latched it on to Paul. ALV defending in numbers now, pressured players on Jonathan, Biya, Siva and even the oncoming Kevin, making the mistake of forgetting about Manoj Larsson Menon,who again struck with a header from Paul "The Pharoh's" cross for the last gasp equalizer.

Full Time
3-3.

BangBrothers FC 5 - 1 Mats Salleh United FC

2009-06-16T23:04:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 14 June, 2009
East Spring Secondary School
5pm Afternoon Kickoff
Warm Weather

SPECIAL GUEST WRITER OF THE MONTH:
BRADLEY CHRISTOPHER "NISTELROOY" BOON

It was a Cock-Up of biblical proportions that resulted in BBFC having to start the game with 8 Men. A comedy of errors and miscommunications led all to believe that the brothers should have expected 12 players to show up for the kick off with half time reinforcements in the form or Bryan and Paul al Salem. As I am not totally aware of the details pertaining to the fiasco myself, I shan’t be the one to point the finger of blame.

This reporter and Mr McCormick were dropped off at venue by the ever frisky Jerald Justin who shooed us off hurriedly and then drove off at light-speed down to Yishun to pursue his amorous interests. We had also witnessed him having a heated debate with anaconda over the phone when he got wind of the fact that the brothers were 3 men short with the match minutes away. Whilst walking toward the pitch we were greeted by the sight of some pretty menacing looking opponents. Some “Matish” bodybuilder beefcakes with a complement of a few thuggish looking white men- the type you would expect to find engaged in a drunken brawl .at an Irish pub

Given our numerical handicap and the brawny physique of the opposition, few would have given the Brothers a shred of hope to come out with a credible result-but BBFC is made of sterner stuff these days.

The line-up comprised unusually of Bradley in goal (as he was feeling the ill effects of a late night the day before), with the defence consisting of Kalai, Retz and Phil and Kevin. Midfield “generals” Siva and Bia made up a two man midfield with guest player Manoj plying his trade up front on his own. It was essentially a 4-2-1 formation.

Needless to say, the opening minutes were dominated by the opposition who had the egregious benefit of 6 extra legs. They opened the scoring after four players charged toward the BBFC backline. The offside trap failed and a big burly striker waltzed his way into the box and despite his best efforts, Bradley was unable to prevent him from sticking the ball into the net. 0-1 and the signs looked ominous.

Very fortunately, the opposition had at least 6 substitutes all itching to get some action-3 of them came on to help the ailing BBFC mend the gaps. It had a telling effect as with numerical equality restored the brothers began to get a foothold on the game which had threatened initially to be a very slippery slope. Latching on to a through ball by one of our “guest” players, Manoj did the hard bit and rounded the keeper with some style before emulating Ryan Giggs and blazing above the bar with the goal gaping. It was a shocking miss for someone of his calibre (I can vouch for his deadly finishing as we regularly play together during the SIA Pilots’ Kickabout Sessions).

While the miss was mindboggling, it was an encouraging sign that the tide was slowly turning in favour of the brothers who had to weather an initial turbulent storm. Given a second bite at the cherry, Manoj gleefully obliged as he sent a looping header over the goalkeeper whose desperate dive could not stop the ball from nestling into the back of the net. A typical poacher’s goal which levelled the scores and reinvigorated the brothers.
The galvanising effect the goal had was very evident as the lively and zestful play from BBFC barely gave the opposition barely a sniff at goal. Bradley hardly needed to display any agility or quick reflexes as the well organised defence of Kalai, Phil, Retz and an opposition “helper” at left back which was nothing short of mesmerizing meant that he needed only to sweep up loose balls and make routine catches. He even had time to collect a backpass and sidestep an opposition striker. Meanwhile, the midfiled with Siva, Bia , Kevin (Hand of God) and another unknown opposition player displayed impeccable ball retention and started many attacking moves.

The wheels nearly came off when Bradley punched away a dangerous cross from the right winger and was afterwards assaulted by the six foot, robust striker who followed through on him mercilessly, winding him and almost dislocating his elbow in the process. (The things I do for you guys).With the goalie down, the opposition unsportingly and classlessly decided to continue play. Justice was served as an open goal was somehow missed. Retz took over as goalie for the remaining 3 minutes of the half. No prizes for guessing that another opposition substitute joined the BBFC Ranks.

Paul and Bryan arrived during the break-both were panting and sweating vigorously as if they had just indulged in a marathon session of mutual buggery (Anwar style). Both would join Manoj in a three-pronged attack with Paul on the left and Bryan on the right. The now very fired up and eager Bradley was thrust into a DM box-to-box role providing a foil for Bia and Siva to augment the strikeforce. The very astute and rock steady trio of Kalai, Phil and Kevin took Left centre, Right and Right centre defensive roles respectively and due to a lack of manpower, BBFC still required the services of the opposition left back. Reliable Retz took his place between the posts in a 4-1-2-3 formation.

This radical new formation worked like an absolute charm and was effectively the death knell for the opposition. They were pegged back into their own half as the midfield trio suffocated all their attempts to go forward. Bradley who was energised after not having to run in the 1st half, covered almost every blade of grass and marked the opposition playmaker out of the game. This allowed Siva and Bia the license to roam forward and supplement the attacking impetus. He also showed (old habits die hard ) a great willingness to go forward with the ball, constantly skinning their right back and working in tandem with Paul to run the defence ragged. Picking up a lose ball in midfield, he showed good control and acceleration to beat the CM and two defenders who both tried to scythe him down in the process. He then laid the ball off to Bryan (Without sprinkling magic dust or scorpion kick etc…) who took it past the covering defender only to be ruthlessly hacked down. A sure-fire penalty was duly awarded and up stepped none other than the cool-headed anaconda. The man on the spot had failed from the spot at the last time of asking and was keen to make amends. BBFC held their collective breaths in anticipation as he took his run-up. All doubts were put to rest and all fears allayed as he dispatched it beyond the rooted goalie. 2-1

The midfiled trio controlled play and linked with the front 3 magificently and at times it seemed that the opposition was chasing rainbows. Their hurried and paniced clearances were always gathered by the BBFC CMs who launced it right back at them and their long balls into the Brothers’ half were always easily dealt with by the teriffic threesome in defence. The right winger at times even had the audacity to try and beat Bradley for pace down the flank-but such things do not happen on my shift and his futile attempts met each time with predictable failure.

The brothers who were literally camping in the opposition penalty box soon got their just rewards and Bia capped a fantastic display by steering in a pass from a very impressive Bryan. He wheeled away in delight and did a Steven Seagal (worst actor in the world) like Machine gun celebration. It was indeed joyous stuff for all associated with our fine organisation. 3-1

Paul was denied what looked to be a stonewall penalty after he collected a lobbed pass from Bradley, showed a remarkable turn of pace to dart into the box only to be uncereconiously bundled over. The referee who had been excellent up till that point was not impressed and let play resume.

There was no denying the irrepressible Bryan though as he jinked his way in from the right and unleashed a sleek grounder into the net.It was most definitely a goal of pants jizzingly quality. The CPIB incident is now well and truly behind him. The goal signified the end of proceedings and the brothers revelled in a hard fought and well deserved 4-1 victory.

It was another stupendous team performance in which every single member deserved commending. The cohesioin was exceptional, the defending steadfast and the attacking swift and lethal. The 4-1-2-3 formation is definitely worth trying out again (please let me be DM again, I really enjoyed it)

Congrats, well done boys.
'nuff said

2009-06-11T09:18:00.000-07:00

BangBrothers FC on Thursday 11 June 2009 edition of The New Paper

With Special Thanks to Shannon Rezel.

BangBrothers FC 5-1 Alpha Acoustics FC

2009-06-09T12:29:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 7 June, 2009
Marsiling Secondary School
3pm Afternoon Kickoff
Warm Weather

SPECIAL GUEST WRITER OF THE MONTH:
BRADLEY CHRISTOPHER "NISTELROOY" BOON

It was lauded after the game as possibly the most complete and balanced BBFC lineup thus far. It was also noted that the star performers Phillip McCormick, Kalai, John, Bradley and Paul Salem had all endured a harrowing 1 hour Journey in Jerald’s car which was longer than normal primarily due to the new driver’s lack of intuition and road sense as well as an annoying GPS. With the exception of the unselfish Kalai, the other four were inhumanely crammed into the backseat like a can of sardines and also had to tolerate some pretty bad music throughout the trip. It was no wonder that they played their hardest to make their horrible journey worth the while. (Editor’s Note: That CD was carried over from a date the other night- hence the cheesy chillout soul vibe hahaha)

Upon reaching the destination, Mccormick indulged in a relieving two minute long piss next to a construction shack after holding it in for the best part of 90 minutes. They then proceeded to the newly laid Astroturf pitch and were pleasantly surprised to see the good boys from Alpha Acoustics ( a very clean and amicable bunch that BBFC has tremendous respect for) donning their Man City like sky blue kits. In the previous encounter at Temasek sec, BBFC had beaten them 4-1 though the game was much closer than the margin of victory seemed to suggest.

The game kicked off after a 20 minute delay with a very credible looking lineup. Ganesh in goal (not so credible) with defensive stalwarts Mark, Kalai, Retz Fernando and Phil, Midfield “generals” Siva and Bia with Bert on the right and Bradley on the left who had a point to prove after a rusty display the week before and a striking pair of the much improved Paul Salem and Kevin. Bryan was on the bench after being cleared by the CPIB and was accompanied by John whom BBFC would later unleash to devastating effect. Notable absentees were the Fearsome Foursome of Rock Solid Ron, Wan, Ferroz “Teveznaatah!!” and Divin’ Dharvin TM.

The opening exchanges were cagey with defenses dominating proceedings. The BBFC backline marshaled by the imperious Mark Teo looked next to unbreachable and “Bia was Omnipresent, thus masking the anaconda’s deficiencies, making him look like a decent player in the process” (please note that these are not my words- editors note: these are mine! Bia did some great covering.). In all seriousness however, the skin headed one was having a good game though he does need to make better use of his 6 foot 1 frame to win more aerial challenges. He had a hand in the opener when his low shot to the keepers bottom right proved too hot to handle. The goalie spilled it near the bye-line giving the predatory Left winger Bradley time to rush in and unleash a waspish left footed drive. The keeper may have had his near post covered but the sheer pace of the ball meant that it went in via just about the only way it could have-through his legs. The hitman was understandably immensely relieved and this proved the perfect tonic to blot out memories of the previous game and his nightmarish miss. High fives all round then. 1-0

The opener sparked more live into BBFCs play and the sprightly and effervescent passing movement was at times truly a joy to watch. The wing backs Kalai and Phil were charging purposefully down the flanks and Paul was making a complete nuisance of himself with clever off the ball and incisive runs. He has formed an impressive understanding with Bradley and the duo constantly exchanged passes down the left channel for either to attempt a cross into the box.

It was however, a stroke of good fortune that led to the second. A pass to Paul from Phil was mis-controlled by the Egyptian but ultimately turned out to be a very good through pass as it fell kindly into the path of Bradley who was marauding forward. His burst of acceleration left the chasing Centre-back for dead and he found himself one on one with the goalie. Still on the run with the ball, he stroked a sweet left footed grounder with unerring accuracy into the far post and though the keeper got the faintest of touches on the ball, he could not deny the inevitable. Two shots from two goals and a marked improvement from the previous week’s showing.

Bryan who was also guilty of wastefulness in front of goal the week before came on for Bert and had a chance to make it 3 when he met Paul’s laser guided cross. Alas it was more of a looping header rather than a solid downward header that would have been required to beat the keeper and it landed harmlessly into the custodian’s arms. The new boy showed some good touches and turns but was at times bullied of the ball (fairly though) the more robust opposition Left Back. He is definitely though, one for the future and needs to start beefing up his upper body to compete when confronted with more physical defending.

With that the first half proceedings were brought to a conclusion. Bradley and Paul made way for the re-introduction of Kevin and Bert. The half time talk mainly encompassed keeping up the high tempo and workrate. There was though, not much to be faulted in truth.

Barely 5 minutes into restart, Kevin found himself in the referee’s notebook with a reckless challenge from behind about ten yards into his own half. It turned out to be a very costly indiscretion as the resulting long range free kick sailed comically over a poorly positioned Ganesh. Jerald commented that as soon as he saw the trajectory of the ball, he had little hope that the keeper would be equal to shot. AA had halved the deficit to make things a little more interesting for the brothers who were cruising up till that point. It was a tad hard on the stand in keeper as while he may not be the most agile or dexterous, he constantly displayed immaculate awareness and often rush out of his area to sweep up loose balls and avoid one on ones.

Bradley and Paul were thrown back into the fray to inject some pace and dynamism into the attack as Bryan was being shackled by the defence. This move paid almost immediate dividends as Paul collected a pass from John, raced down the left flank and prepared to cut into the box for a crack at goal. Showing great maturity and wisdom beyond his years, he instead looked up and saw Bradley running into the box. He rolled a pass to the centre forward who took it past the defender before slamming another power packed left footed effort into the roof of the net for his third goal in as many attempts. It was his 3rd Hat-Trick and brought his tally to 19 in his 12 games for his esteemed club. It was most importantly though, thanks to some very intricate build up play and unselfish passing by Paul. The 2 goal lead was restored, 3-1

A contentious moment soon arose after good interplay down the right wing culminated in Best sending in a delectable out-swinger into the box. It took the goalie out of the equation and looked to be heading toward the Pharoah Paul who was all but poised to head into an empty net. For reasons known only to the man himself, Kevin who was on a yellow card, mysteriously elected to punch the ball into the back of the net. The only saving grace for BBFC was that the opposition was chivalrous and sporting enough to allow Kevin to be substituted rather than insisting that him being issued a deserved red. A doubtlessly bizarre incident to put it mildly.

It was poetry in motion and clockwork football heaven when Siva and John exchanged crisp passes in their own half before the latter sought Bradley on the right who flicked the ball with the outside of his boot to Bert. The Thai Superstar unleashed a slide-rule pass to find Paul in the box. The Egyptian adroitly turned his marker before letting fly with his red mercurials as he watched the ball nestle in the top corner. Continuing his rich vein of form, he has now struck in each of his last seven games and shows signs of progress with each passing week. He is also beginning to cement his role as an integral member of the BBFC cause. 4-1

Bradley was denied a chance to do an Arshavin by scoring 4 in 4 attempts as Paul ghosted his way into the area and shot straight at the keeper instead of picking out the no. 10 (editor’s note: A la Ruud Van Nistelrooy) who would have had an easy tap in. In retrospect however, he was more than entitled to take on the shot though he should have placed it better.

Roles were reversed when Bradley had a good chance to float in a cross to an unmarked Paul but his poor cross was much too close to the keeper who gathered easily.

The rout was well an truly completed when hardworking John did remarkably well to barge his way into the box and find an opening to trash a horowitzer past the goalkeeper who despite getting a hand to the ball, was beaten by the sheer power. It was just reward for the industry and boundless energy he displayed throughout the game. 5-1

It is near impossible for this humble one to pick out a man of the match as every BBFC regular on the pitch performed admirably and displayed flawless cohesion in this clinical and emphatic victory. The goalkeeping was commendable mostly, the defense more than praiseworthy, the midfield dominant and the finishing from the wingers and strikers undeniably ravishing ,noxious and baleful.

Comment from Writer

It was an extraordinary feeling to come back firing after last week’s disappointing show. It would not have been possible without the collective effort of all present. A thoroughly commendable collective performance all round with exceptional team dynamics without any squabbling and bickering. The defending was as good as I have ever seen and the CM area was expertly patrolled. Paul, keep up the good work, we complement eachother brilliantly and have a good thing going on. Also a speedy recovery to the ever marvelous Jerald.

Once again, extremely well played guys, I’ve never been as proud to don the BBFC kit.

BangBrothers FC 2-2 Yishun Boys FC

2009-05-25T06:22:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 31 May, 2009
North View Secondary School
5pm Evening Kickoff
Warm Weather

SPECIAL GUEST WRITER OF THE MONTH:
BRADLEY CHRISTOPHER "NISTELROOY" BOON

The good men over at the legal teams of the Asian Football Confederation and the FAS will be doing some serious overtime reviewing and investigating this game for a couple of reasons:

1. They will be compelled to evaluate allegations of match fixing on the part of attacking trio Bradley, Bert and Bryan after they each gave an exhibition in listless play and/or abysmal finishing.

2. The “Referee” who was a hybrid of Pierluigi Collina (Minus the ethics, integrity and professionalism) and Gollum from Lord Of The Rings made absolutely no secret of where his loyalties lay. From the first whistle, it was frighteningly evident that he was in the pockets of the thuggish and grubby looking opposition. While he was whistle-happy each time when BBFC was in possession, giving bogus offside calls and needlessly halting play for minor infractions, he seemed adamant and ever-ready to ignore flagrant over the top tackling, handballs, offsides and backpasses by his paymasters much to the chagrin of the Brothers.

However, in a rare moment of rationality, the hobbit looking ref broke with tradition and surprisingly awarded a penalty to the Brothers after a handball from the defender.
Up strode the ever confident captain fantastic Sivaneson to the penalty spot. The keeper shuffled along his goal-line as if he had a nest of cockroaches in his cheap Chinese branded underpants in an effort to put him off.

His garish footwork unsettled the anaconda and he sent his spot kick straight at the keeper who saved it without much fuss- his follow up on the rebound went behind for a goal kick.

The game saw the returns of “half Chinese” leftback Kalaivanan as well as the more attacking minded Bradley from long term injuries- Both had previously contributed productively to the BBFC cause: The former with impeccable defensive nous and reading of the game and the latter with hard running and 16 goals in 10 matches. They were on this day however, clearly ring rusty and a pale shadow of their former selves. Kalai was mistiming headers and letting balls get in behind him while Bradley’s heavy and cumbersome touches oftentimes led to him pushing the ball too far and more often than not, running down blind alleys. It was a frustrating game for him to endure, but nonetheless vital to help him get up to speed.

New addition Bryan with his entourage of his very opinionated dad and sister fared little better as he was often pushed off the ball by both fair means and foul. To no ones shock and awe, the ref in Arsene Wengerish fashion “didn’t see it” He also missed several gilt edge chances and was duly castigated by his now very vexed father who hilariously suggested that the CPIB (Corrupt Practices Investigation Bureau) would conduct an inquiry into his almost deliberate looking failures in front of goal.

One man who has not been missing chances of late though is the much improved Egyptian Paul “The Pharoah” Salem. Having scored in his last 5 games, he seems to have shed the image of the petulant angst filled kid I once knew. He has also noticeably put in much effort into improving his attitude and work rate. It was of little surprise then that he got the Brothers off the mark when he collected a long ball from Tim, He seemed to be dragged out wide by the pursuing defender but some arched his body to steer a deft grounder past the goalie in emphatic fashion. No less than his effort deserved, take a bow Mr Al- Salem. 1-0. Up to this point the injured Jerald Justin in goal was largely untroubled though he nearly fumbled a free kick into the net by strangely electing to save it with his thigh.

After a scrappy and pathetically officiated first half, the formidable foursome of Rock Solid Ron, his brother Wan, Feroz “Teveznaatah!!!” and Divin’ Dharvin TM showed unrivaled commitment in making their way down for the Newpaper photo shoot after only just playing competitive matches on the other side of the island.

As the second half got underway, players were constantly substituted so they could give interviews to the Newpaper Reporter. I had the pleasure of overhearing Bia’s interview in which he offered little more insight than “yes” and “no”. ( I wonder if he even understood the questions). He concluded the interview by saying “I don’t speak English Man!!” Gold.

The rotation of players within a 10 minute span clearly upset and disrupted the team dynamics and BBFC was duly punished when a defensive lapse led to a header being looped over a static Retz in goal. It was chiefly a case of paying the price for their missed opportunities as moments before, the usually predatory Bradley smacked a left footed effort against the post when he would have normally tucked it away with minimal difficulty. 1-1

Things were reaching boiling point and volatile emotions soon spilled as Ron engaged in a four lettered exchange with an opposition player and fisticuffs almost ensued with his brother also involving himself in the drama as well. It is not certain what exactly sparked the confrontation ( we will leave that to the CPIB ).

Like a smooth criminal, top-scorer and best player Dharvin ghosted behind the defensive line and collected a long ball. He then moon-walked round the goalkeeper and slotted authoritatively into an empty net. 2-1 and surely BBFC would not relinquish the lead right? Not if old chrome dome had his way though.

Working hard for his ill gotten gains, the referee awarded a mind boggling free kick to the opposition in a very promising area. BBFC who by now saw it futile to question his infallible decisions didn’t bother arguing any longer. It was to prove though, a costly injustice done against us as the free kick arrowed into the back of the net much to the collective exasperation of all in BBFC colours.

There were chances though for the brothers to regain the impetus though - Bradley chased a long punt, taking the centre-back out of the equation. Finding himself one on one with the keeper, he opted instead to attempt an audacious lob which he instead sliced and missed by mere inches (about 200 only). To add insult to injury the ball took an awkward bounce and ended up over the fence- It was a clear sign of a player lacking in sharpness and also a confidence draining miss.

He did not however let that blood curdling howler get to him and even though his touches were shit and his finishing even worse on the day, the speed and industry was still in abundance and he embarked on a bulldozing run down the right flank, beating 2 opposition player in the process. Alas, his final though was too heavy which allowed the keeper to rush out and get a foot on the ball. It popped up in the air for what seemed like an eternity before landing kindly to the feet of Brian. With the goal gaping and the keeper sprawled on the ground, all he needed to do was get the ball on target. That however proved beyond him and Bradley (though he had absolutely no right to do so given his own profligacy in front of goal) fell to the ground with head in hands in utter disbelief. That encapsulated a disappointing and miserable evening for BBFC and brought an end to proceedings.

A controversial and moronically officiated game that the brothers would do well to put behind them. 2-2

SPECIAL GUEST WRITER OF THE MONTH

2009-05-19T09:02:00.000-07:00

Bradley Christopher Boon

BangBrothersfc.blogspot.com would like to welcome Bradley Christopher Boon as its SPECIAL GUEST WRITER for the months of APRIL and MAY.

Dedicated Chief Writer and Lover of Love Jerald Justin is currently on LEAVE and will be back in the month of JUNE.

Kindly give your utmost support to the robustly creative and artistic linguist that is the one and only, Bradley Christopher Boon.

Do take the match reports with a tad pinch of ketchup and salt- everything is done and dusted *tongue in cheek* and it is not the intention of any of BANGBROTHERS FC's full time staff to offend or malign anybody. If you are a reader of highly strong emotions and fragile hearts, kindly direct yourself away from this particular page.

THANK YOU.

BangBrothers FC 3-3 Sawadee-VietCong FC

2009-05-19T08:45:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 10 May, 2009
Regent Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Warm Weather

SPECIAL GUEST WRITER OF THE MONTH:
BRADLEY CHRISTOPHER "NISTELROOY" BOON

With such outrageously comical names like Tran Duc Dwong, Van Hai Vinh and Hong Van Lhong, you would be forgiven for not taking the vietnamese very seriously. Such names conjure up the image of a scrawny, slit-eyed villager with full communist regalia - Ak 47 in one hand, a bowl of Pho Bo in the other complemented nicely with the Vietcong hat and socialist flag in the pocket. Hilarious as their names or sing-song language may be, there was nothing humorous about the way they started the game, taking it to the Bangbrothers with a purpose. Still smarting from their 5-2 defeat to BBFC weeks earlier, the Hanoi Hooligans displayed an awesome array of dirty tricks. More purposeful than their hard running was their desire to gain an advantage by any means necessary -Sticking out a leg or two, following through on sliding tackles, ball grabbing when the referee's back was turned to name but a few.

The fact that the ref was himself a rather corpulent and portly individual who seemed content to view all proceedings from the middle of the park did not help the cause. Repeated x-rated tackles by the Saigon sliders went unnoticed as the static ref was far away from the action savouring a ham and cheese sandwich. Needless to say, many offside calls also went against the exasperated Bangbrothers. A caustic verbal outburst by fan favourite Retz Fernando would have been the order of the day for the robust ref who much like Tom Henning Ovrebo seemed to be the epitome of incompetence.

To add insult to injury (most literally), the Ho-Chih-Minh heroes look the lead, not due to breathtaking attcking prowess but rather through a mind boggling defensive lapse by BBFC.
Our great captain Sivaneson was in the thick of it and was taking flak for not closing down the attacker. In unsurprising fashion, he instead deflected the criticism to the makeshift goalie thereby absolving himself from the calamity that had just unfolded. However, the defenders were having none of it and unanimously pointed the finger of blame squarely and accusingly at him. It has to be said that while he may lack dexterity and grace in physical movement, the ever enthusiastic and ready Jerald Justin would have at least tried to badger the attacker and win possession. His energetic and tireless though at times aimless running has been sorely missed. 1-0 they trailed.

The Vietnamese substitutes who were combing the edges of the field hoping to find spiders or grasshoppers to eat cheered ecstatically.

The Vietcong were keen to make amends for their 5-2 trashing at the hands of the brothers. However it needs mentioning that in the previous meeting, the second half was a mismatch as the brothers practically played against a group of old impoverished street hawkers. The 1st half was a very tight affair and the final outcome was more than a tad misleading. You Murdering AmeRikan!! One of them shouted when he saw Phillip Mccormick.

BBFC was given a rude awakening and sprung into action immediately. The Teveznator from his own penalty area shimmied past the striker, bamboozled 3 midfielders, did a Justin Timberlake break dance move and then Nutmegged the Centreback before sprinkling some magic fairy dust into the air. With no one but the goalkeeper to beat, feeling that it was way too simple, he stopped and waited for another 3 tackles before skilfully dancing past each of them. He then tied his shoelace after which he squared the ball to the Egyptian radical Paul al Saleem who could only shoot straight into the keeper’s arms.

This miss proved costly as the rowdy ASEAN members extended their lead. Chants of PHO PHUC LIE!!! were heard emanating from their supporters.

Paul then had a chance to reduce the arrears from a free kick which went high, wide and handsome.
The Anaconda was next to have a go. Setting his sights on goal, taking 3 steps back and running up with a swing of the right peg, he sent the ball over the fence. Now if he had been playing rugby……

The halftime whistle blew and the brothers walked dejectedly off the pitch for the half time team talk.

If I may quote the Teveznator : “Half time team talk had siva telling froz to do more one touches instead of holding the ball even though froz did not lose the ball or did mistake while holding the ball.And siva blaming the keeper for the goals.”

I await the reprisal with great anticipation.

The deficit was halved when the Athletic Pugilist and Muay Thai Exponent Bia headed in with aplomb after Paul Saleems shot was deflected into his path. Hope was restored and the bangbros continued pushing forward.

They were duly rewarded when they were awarded a penalty after a scything tackle from the Vietnamese thugs almost took the legs off the BBFC player. Up stepped the eternally cool headed Siva who with great swagger and consummate ease, rolled his spot kick into the net. 2-2 and the comeback was complete.

The Communists were getting increasingly frustrated and did not hide their attempts to send the bangbros to the A & E. Their agro reached fever pitch when Paul latched on to a square ball from the left to tap in to an empty net at the far post. He celebrated by whipping off his jersey and revealing a singlet with the picture of a combusting American and Israeli flag. Some pretty extreme stuff if you ask me.

Just when it seemed that a BBFC win was inevitable, the Normally alert Mc’cormick saw a ghost offside flag and let the ball and the opposing striker run past him while he raised his hands and looked at the ref bewilderedly like Manchester United’s best custodian of all time Fabian Barthez.
This resulted in a heartbreaking equalizer to which BBFC had no time to respond.

The final whistle blew and upon receiving payment, the porcine referee belied his ample frame and previous immobility and sprinted like Usain Bolt to the nearby Liquor store for a pint.

An encouraging draw that could have been better but for a rush of blood to the head.

BangBrothers FC 8 - 1 EastSpringMats

2009-05-19T08:44:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 03 May, 2009
East Spring Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Warm Weather

SPECIAL GUEST WRITER OF THE MONTH:
BRADLEY CHRISTOPHER "NISTELROOY" BOON

While the general euphoria surrounding an 8-1 victory is expected, it is definitely worth mentioning that 5 goals were scored when the opposition had only 9 men on the pitch. Some have superciliously suggested that the opponents cotemplate retirement after this heavy loss.... but narcissism and contempt towards opponents are surely not the type of principles that the fine Bang Brothers Football Club was founded upon.

From the get -go, the opposition with 2 men short were staring down the barrel of a highly powered rifle. They were no more than sitting ducks and lambs being led to the slaughter and so it proved as within 120 seconds, the Middle Eastern Rebel know as Paul al Saleem found himself on the scoresheet. Taking full advantage of their numerical superiority, BBFC monopolised the wings and opened the account when the devestator known as the Teveznator fed the Egyptian who rolled a grasscutting grounder past a hapless goalie. He celebrated his goal with much verve and his fans followed suit firing their AK-47s into the air in unbridled joy.

More was to come from the man on the FBI's top 10 most wanted list as he heaped more misery on the opposition. Olympic diver Dharvin and the Teveznator combined to set up al Saleem and he duly obliged, putting the bangbros 2-0 up. This heralded a change in goalkeeper for them but in all honesty there was nothing much they could do as they were being swarmed by the rampant Bangbros at every turn and barely even had room for their balls to breathe. It was like having a perpetual wedgie.

Picking up a weak goal kick from the opposition keeper, the Teveznator had the enviable task of walking the ball into the net. 3-0

The game is never complete with Joint-Best-Player in the team Dharvin "Jackson" getting on the scoresheet and he certainly did not disappoint. Like Barishnokov, he did 5 pirouettes, getting past 3 defenders and dispatching the ball beynond the goalie's dispairing dive and into the net. Unsurprisingly, he celebrated by pirouetting his way back into his own half. It truly was most magnificent to behold.All that was missing was the tutu.

He added another to his tally with a most venemous shot from the edge of the box to make it 5-0.

It was at this point that the opposition had its full complement of players but it was of not much significance at this stage.

Ron "The Rock" Mohamed then ended his recent draught with a beauty of a curling shot from just inside the box. From the moment the ball departed his foot there was ever only going to be one destination- the top corner. 6-0

A degree of pride was restored for the opposition when an impeccably struck long range freekick was arrowed just beyond Retz into the roof of the net. At least they would not face the ignominy of a Whitewash.

Ron's hunger and desire to score was again to the fore as he made it 7-1 with a sublime volley. A goal to savour to say the least.

As the half was brought to a close, one feared that a double digit trouncing was on the cards.

This was not to be however as the opposition proved to have settled down and were much more resolute defensively in the second half.

They were however, unable to prevent BBFC from netting number 8 as McCormick made good use of his freakishly long frame to power a header into the roof of the net.

8-1 at the final whistle but the brothers will leave the game not completely satisfied having played against opponents without a full squad.

BangBrothers FC 5 - 2 SawadeeVietCong FC

2009-05-19T08:42:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 26 April, 2009
Broadrick Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Warm Weather

SPECIAL GUEST WRITER OF THE MONTH:
BRADLEY CHRISTOPHER "NISTELROOY" BOON

IN PROGRESS

BangBrothers FC 1 - 3 Team Orange FC

2009-05-19T08:38:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 19 April, 2009
East Spring Secondary School
3pm, Afternoon Kickoff
Dry Hot Weather

SPECIAL GUEST WRITER OF THE MONTH:
BRADLEY CHRISTOPHER "NISTELROOY" BOON

Bereft of their most vaunted, prolific and yet industrious striker Bradley Christopher Boon (Eagerly awaiting the vitriolic backlash from his 2 good friends “Jackson” and “Anonymous” in the blog), BBFC found the road to the opposition goal a little rockier than usual to say the least. Their goal shyness in this game (apart from the obvious reason as stated above) was probably also a combination of resting on their laurels after an unbeaten stretch and also the opposition proving to be fitter and more tactically aware than their otherwise un-athletic bodies seemed to suggest.

The build up to the game seemed dramatic enough with some BBFC members showing up at the wrong venue despite repeated text messages from team manager, infinite genius and saviour of the world in general Jerald Justin.

As if the pre-game drama off the field was not even enough to whet his appetite, The Amir Zaki’ish Dharvin added a touch of theatre to the on field dramatics and it was apparent that his desire to go down was almost on par with Jenna Jameson. Not heeding the verbal warning from the ref after taking a tumble in the box early on, he fell like a tonne of bricks after minimal or no contact from the opposition player. Much to his surprise but not everyone else’s, he was duty shown a yellow card but felt hard done by.

Barely 20 minutes had lapsed before the opposition bulged the bangbrothers’ net. Taking advantage of a goal-mouth scramble induced by a comedy of defensive errors, he gleefully with his instep smashed the ball in from all of 3 yards. 1-0 they trailed and in all honesty, no less than their lethargic approach deserved.

Rather than serve as a wake-up call and reinvigorate the brothers, the goal seemed to exacerbate the lack of incisiveness in their build up and attacking play as well as their defensive frailties as their football became more desperate and panicky. It was not quite shock and awe when they fell 2-0 behind after more lackadaisical play. Truly, shoulders were dropped and heads were hung low in shame. The relief among the BBFC ranks was palpable when the half-time whistle was blown.

Wingers Dharvin and the Jihadist Paul Saleem were not finding much joy down the flanks while a fellow (terrorist)cell member, collaborator and friend of Paul’s, Brian was virtually anonymous. The midfield was struggling to keep up with the pace of the game while the defence was nothing short of porous.(Jamie Oliver himself could not possibly conjure up a better recipe for a catastrophe).

The second half brought little reprieve for the men in black as passes went awry and moves broke down with frightening regularity. There was simply no rhythm and drive in their play. Rarely threatening against a well drilled defence, the bangbrothers were simply ramming their cocks against a brick wall.

Their misery was further compounded when they conceded a third after more slack defending. This was turning into an absolute rout.
BBFC was then given a glimmer of hope when they were awarded a free kick. Up stepped the self appointed free-kick specialist we all know affectionately as the Teveznator. He unleashed a mach 3 screamer toward the top corner and was ready to embark on a wild celebration when to the collective disappointment of the team, the goalie somehow got fingertips to it. ( It was somewhat akin to witnessing a buxomly Heidi Klum look-alike undressing from the top down in front of you only to realise in the end that “she” had an extra appendage.) Such was the anti-climax.

BBFC did manage a scrappy consolation during the dying embers of the game but it was way too little way too late as the irreparable damage had already been inflicted in the early stages. The SAF core values of Professionalism (diving), fighting spirit were clearly not in evidence.It was without any semblance of doubt a game to forget.

Lessons and Reflections

Football is ultimately about results and not just Fancy Dan and Show Pony Tricks. BBFC while capable of playing some sumptuous one-twos and through passes need to learn how to scrap out a result which they seldom do. They need to learn to get stuck in and employ more robust tactics when need be. Not every game is going to be an 8-3 stroll in the park and sometimes you need to buckle down and prepare for the physicalities of the game. Fast and in your face football by the opposition seems to rock BBFC and they then become susceptible to errors and lapses in concentration.

Fitness is clearly an issue and this has been frequently masked by the fact that the attacking force has been banging in the goals against weaker opposition. However it hasn’t gone unnoticed that against fitter and stronger teams, the lack of fitness is ruthlessly exposed (think the orange team in the pungoll sec game, 1st half of the temasek sec game as well as the game at Junyuan which was mercifully called of due to torrential rain and of course, today’s game) Some Chinese Military style physical training is strongly recommended especially for the smokers =) ).

Defence. While attacking flair is definitely exciting to behold, defensive nous and REARGUAD ACTION (pun intended) are integral ingredients in a successful team. Seldom has BBFC kept a clean sheet and have conceded on average about 2-3 goals a game.

BangBrothers FC 5 - 5 Bhangra Boys

2009-04-18T09:18:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 12 April, 2009
Bedok View Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Drizzly Weather
Starting Lineup: Retz Fernando, Ganesh Karup, Mark Teo, Philip McCormick, Bia Dunpheri, Kevin, Ron Muhd., Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy, Ferroz Muhd., Wan Muhd., Dharvin Mirphurri.
Substitutes: Paul Samuel.
Scorers: Bia (1), Kevin (1), Siva (1), Mark (1), Froz (1).

An exhilirating and excitingly enthralling evening thrilled the fans and watching specatators alike in what has been chronicelled as both the "GAME of the Season" and "WTF is GOING ON Moment of the Season".

An evening of great end to end football, terrible weather; featuring a plethora of highlights including Ten spectacularly taken goals, a red card, countless physical scuffles, broken body parts, a dozen yellows, and a buffet of bad tackles. Somehow along the way too there was also a potent mix of good fun and laughter. The game will perhaps be best remembered for what is arguably one of the greatest second halfs of all time, full of action and pace.

Two men took the limelight for variously diverse reasons, one for his sensationally messed up decision making, the other man, somehow also in it for invariably similar offences at the back.
Both men had off days, but it's all part and parcel of the ever unpredictable and yet highlight reeled world we call Football.

The relentless rain that tortured the tradtionally immaculate Bedok View green over the past couple of days began to show on the start of the first whistle as soggy fertilizer infused patches of mud threatened to overhaul the entire length of the pitch.

Sivaneson again put himself up front with utmost confidence in his diminishing ability, even after a disastrous afternoon last week playing lone targetman.

Egyptian Extremist Paul Samuel Seleim started on the bench with on loan winger Kevin roaming down the right flank. With the back four sporting a familiar look these days; experienced centrebacks Mark Teo and Retz Fernando controlling things from behind (pun intended), supported by the pacey overlapping full backs Phillip McCormick and Bia Dunpheri.

The game was even stevens 10 minutes in, with the ball being sprayed around in every sense of the word, mud splattering all over the place and stained jerseys being the dish of the day.

Soon after however the Brothers got into gear and controlled the game.
Ron and Wan once again took the midfield by the jugular and showed the opponents who their daddies were. Using sheer physical strength and delicious deliveries, the Brothers by Blood were shrewd and tenacious in their gameplay.

Sivaneson, rather characteristically, missed the first chance of the game upon collecting Dharvin's sweetly squared ball.
His shot packed the power of a baby and it rolled straight into the hands of the thankful Bhangra Boys custodian.

1-0 and BBFC struck first blood.
Dharvin marauded down the left wing with ease as he cut in left right and centre, sprinting past two payers effortlessly and squared another glorious chance through to the ever waiting Sivaneson, who had the easiest of tasks to tap the ball home.
With the crowd half expectating him to thunder it high, mighty, and over the net, they were taken aback by this sudden goal from nowhere, and rapturous scenes could be witnessed from a mile away.

Sivaneson of course had more than a couple of chances to finish off the game not long after, with some delicious turning and swiveling of the hips to lose his marker on more than one occasion, but his final touch disappointed not only himself but everyone watching in attendance as well.

Dharvin was truly on fire as he raped the defenders inside out, deflowering and devirginizing them in the process with consumate ease and gloriousness.

Outpacing the entire right hand side of the Bhangra Boys line, he squared a similar ball to the onrushing Kevin, who again had the simplest of opportunities to cruise the ball home.
Two Nil and the BangBrothers seemed to be running away with the game after some smash and grab offensive moves.

More was to come before half time as less than 10 mins after the second goal, Bia, running throughout the whole game with the stamina of a Three-Lung Park Ji Sung, scored the third and seemingly decisive goal via yet another assist from the ever amazing Dharvin.

Nervy Faced and Flabbergasted the Bhangra Boys most certainly were.

Mark Teo had a handful of attempts on goal after some well timed headers during the corners, but failed to hit his target on every single on of those occasions, coming close twice, but inevitably failing to score. He would however have the last laugh at the end of the game.

HALF TIME

The first 15 minutes of the second half can be best described as one of the most bizarre in the history of the entire planet's footballing days of yore.

The BangBrothers ever reliable defence conceded three goals in 15 minutes in some uncharacteristic show of shambleness, it seemed as though they were playing against a team with far more superior manpower capabilities and numbers in every sense of the word. Let's see how this truly extraordinary play came about.

3-1
The Bhangra Boys scored direct from a penalty kick after McCormick allgedly brought down the opposing striker when he was through on goal due to a Fernando miskick from a high ball; Retz Fernando was showing the world what he had learnt at a 2 Day Tutorial he went to a year or two ago - Vidic 101 (How to defend against Fernando Torres), hit the ball with the side of your studs and scoop it over your entire backline and running straight into the path of your right back ala Jamie Carrager and Xabi Alonso against Monsieur Thierry Henry. Replays showed that the striker clearly tripped on his own bootlaces with McCormick an arms length away, but the penalty was awarded regardless and the Bhangras found themselves only two goals behind immediately after the restart.

3-2
Soon after conceeding, the opponents struck again and once again Fernando showed the world what he learnt in his recent attendance at the VIDIC 201 workshop (How to defend against Fernando Torres), allowing the ball to bounce in defence , freeing the striker through onto goal with plenty of time to finish.
The brave BangBrothers keeper dived for the ball with all his might but was unlucky to conceed.

3-3
Retz Fernando demonstrated his upper class honours in Vidic 301 (How to defend against Steven Gerrard)when he allowed the striker to outmuscle him. Although he had tried to the best of his ability to catch the runaway striker on countless occassions, the only thing that he did catch up with was age itself.

To his tremendous benefit and defence, one will have to look at this stupendously unprecedented moment of truth after the third goal was scored.

Master Mathematician Bia Dunpheri started counting the number of players on the pitch and EUREKA! to his outright shock and surprise, informed the Officials of some ludicrous refereeing.

The opponents had been playing with an EXTRA MAN all this time.
12 against 11! (in all essence and verity, the man in the middle was terrifically inclined towards the opponents, so it was more like 13 against 11)

Like a rude slap to the side of the face, the Brothers were cheated of three unneccasarily conceeded goals and there was no looking back as the referee refused to discredit them.
It was 3-3 and momentum was on the Bhangra's side.

The referee seemed to have pocketed some dirty money as he made even more ludicrous decisions against the BangBrothers.
Both Kevin and Dharvin were shown undeserving yellows for allgeged diving after being taken out in the box by some downright ugly challenges.
Controversial no less, suspiciously bribed most definately.

An elephantinely melodramatic confrontation took place soon after that saw the entire twenty two players being called into action, with the security officers, match officials, team support staff and managers scampering their way onto the pitch to break up the scuffles.

It all started with Wan's dazzling dribbling of the ball towards the box. Beating player after player from midfield, he was soon elbowed in the face, ribs and kicked in the calf before being brought down.

The offender, a chimpanzee faced golden highlighted curly haired little primate attempted to inflict some tremendous damage onto the BangBrothers superb midfielder who had been singlehandedly chugging the engine room.
At this point Brotherly Love was the name of the game as Ron stepped in to protect his own flesh and blood. The Primate of Bangladesh wasn't impressed by this show of love and had to be restrained by his own teammates. Assuming that the worst was over, he flew into a tempestous rage away from everyone, somehow bordering on a dangerous line as he screamed for the BangBrothers entire formation to go and copulate themselves.

This of course, didn't sit too well with the ever intimidatingly-throat-gagging-thirtyincher-pussylicking-baldheaded-poondehsmashing anaconda superstar.
Being pulled back by some dramatic restraining via the biceps and triceps of Bia and Mark, Sivaneson attempted to LAYETH THE SMACKETH DOWN on the oppossing Golden streaked Chimpanzee.

A combination of excessive alcholol in the form of countless downings of beers and whiskey, plus the lethal combination of one too many late night Bak Kut Teh sessions along with the tugging of a severely dampened tight fitting jersey did not do too much justice to the imposing figure and phsyical aesthetics of a rampaging Sivaneson. Let's just say that tempers and what not caused a considerable spilling out of some unflattering mid section of sorts.

With the intervention of the great Sivaneson, play soon resumed and the Chimp was booked for his troubles and taken off by the opposition manager to avoid any further troubles.

Teveznator Ferroz was was brought on in hopes of turning the game around and making an immediate impact, but the only impact that took place was the doctorate degree in Vidic 401 (How to behave like Mascherano in front of the referee), when Retz Fernando challenged the referee repeatedly after some bogus calls.

The following paragraph is as described by an anonymous spectator of the proceedings that took place.

"mark who should have taken the first ball waited for it to bounce and the opponent came running in for the ball as well. Mark was two steps away from the striker and he fell down. I think he lost his footing or something. Retz at this point tried his lawyering skills and got himself into a hot debate with the ref- "that was a fucking BAD CALL REF!" (once again not the best way to sway a referee's decision). Ref told him that it was a penalty and Retz replied it's not enough for a penalty call. Ref then told retz that he should take up refereeing course before he could state his case. In anger retz then replied " Ref,i alredy took the course, perhaps YOU should take it. .on those words,retz saw a yellow card flashed to his face. still being fustrated he challenged the ref to tell him what the card was for. After both teams tried to reduce the tension and set them apart, Retz gave a vulgar comment directed towards the ref whilst walking away (Presumably - THAT WAS A FUCKING BAD CALL REF!). On hearing the vulgarity the ref did not hesitate to show him the red card. a first red card for bbfc. now down to 10 man in a losing game and facing a penalty, it looked like bbfc was done for..bbfc then conceeded through the penalty."

More drama was to unfold as the Brothers saw their own loan goalkeeper suffer a horrific broken finger at the hands of a stinging outside foot shot from the opposition front man.
Outstreched and using his fingertips to guide the ball away from its intended target, the BangBrothers custodian broke his left index finger.
Manager / Medic Instructor / Currently Injured Winger Jerald Justin came to his aid and cringed in horror as he attended to the downed keeper.
The man's left index finger was slanted at a 70degree angle to its right from the middle up.
He was soon taxied to Changi General Hospital after some improvised bandaging and first aid involving some stained socks and a whole lot of salivating. The game continued thereafter.

BBFC's very own Egyptian Extremist Paul Samuel Seleim also limped off with a cramped calf and things were looking from bad to worse for the Bangbrothers.

The Brothers saw themselves down 5-3 soon after.
Down to ten men and with a severely injured goalkeeper, the Brothers saw a freekick given away on the edge of the box.
Deflected via an outstreched arm, the ball made its way into the back of the next.
The Bhangra Boys were frolicking about in the mud like it was the festival of lights, little did they know that their cheating ways would soon have Karma biting them back in the arse.

Two goals down and playing with a man less, it looked pointless to continue but the BangBrothers showed some indomitable heart and courage and attempted to play with some form of enormous pride.

And who else would lead the charge but the highly impressive and unstoppable Dharvin, who despite being marked completely out of the game in the second half after a heavenly first, got control of the ball and embarked on a slaloming run so beautiful and easy on the eyes that it was like watching poetry in absolute motion.
He was of course brought to a halt by another dangerous challenge just outside the box and who else to step up onto the plate but the incomparable one and most definately only Teveznator Mohd Ferroz.

Having scored from some specatacular situations these past couple of weeks- dipping freekicks, outside foot shots, and direct fed-ex from a corner kick. The Islamic superstar has hit top form and doesnt seem like hitting the brakes anytime soon.
Delivering when the time has called for it, he most certainly did today with a sweetly struck free kick that went UP and OVER the wall like a tidal wave full of grotesque gravitational power at the very end of its flight. Smashing the back of the net with relentless rage.

It was 5-4 and game on with 4 minutes to go.

Gung HO! time and the BangBrothers pushed itself far and high up like a tampon would- craving some grave blood in the process.

Another freekick was awarded for the Brothers, this time some distance out close to the corner flag. Ron decided to have a go at this one and it seemed to be the last kick of the game as the entire bangbrothers 10 found itself in the opposition half of the field, with a considerable number waiting in the box with scant anticipation.

Ron swung a long and beautiful ball across goal -not unlike Giselle Bundchen's lusciously lascivious legs, and agonizingly over it went over the jumping heads of Froz, Dharvin, Siva, and Philip.
Just as everyone thought that it was about to head out for a goalkick and the signal of the final whistle, out of freaking nowhere was the appearance in timely fashion- the late run of the heroic Mark Teo at the far post. Yoga-like in execution with his outstreched leg, and Superman like in his impeccable timing, Mark Teo swung a boot and smashed the ball past a shell shocked Bhangra Boys team to level the scores at 5-5 and etch his name into the history books.
Que fervent mardi gras like celebrations throughout the entire Bedok View estate and watching public. Never had there been as much drama in a game before, never has a game that offered so little at the start, flourish so beautifully at the end of it all.

Heroes, Villians, Clowns, and Victims... they were all in attendance today.

A truly sensational game that had everything from bones, guts to bruises, an absolute pity that the referee had to steal the show with his flamboyant decisions. One for the record books and highlight reels of the century.

Unbiasedly Reported By:
Full time NSF, Part Time Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love,
Jerald Justin Ko.

BangBrothers FC 1 - 1 East Springers

2009-04-13T00:54:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 05 April, 2009
East Spring Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Drizzly Weather

Downtrodden overcast weather spoilt an otherwise beautiful evening in the serene outdoors of East Spring Secondary School at Tampines for the Brothers on this lazy Sunday Afternoon.

The drizzly weather did not, however, dampen the BangBrothers mood as they fired off the starting blocks from the word go, only to find some disastrous finishing and a severe lack of clinical edge at the crucial end of the field to greet them at the final whistle.

With the Brothers undergoing a mini-injury crisis of sorts through the injured trio of Kalaivaanan (twisted ankle after a hilarious fall from a flight of stairs), Bradley Christopher Boon (Flaring Back Injury) and long term absentee Jerald Justin (Severe Knee Injury), many were expecting this game to be a potential banana skin of sorts.

"Thai Muay Thai Action Star" Bert Dunpheri, returning from illness after a short stint on the sidelines, did not display his usual energetic running and was looking lethargic to say the very least. In the absence of Bradley Boon, the ever self-indulgent Sivaneson took charge of the striking role, attempting to vye for the spot of tenacious targetman- expectations, of which, he sensationally did not come close to meeting.

The BangBrothers backline featured an on loan defender, Sheev, aesthetically not unlike Sivaneson; with many contemplating the severe possibility that he was a mirror image of Sivaneson himself in about twenty or thirty odd years.

Sheev impressed the boys with his tremendous stamina, sultry cool skills and dogged determination to chase ball and man, winning either of course being his priority. His composure and calmness on the ball was remarkable and even more surprising to the watching audience was his age, a grand total of 41 years.

This of course contributed to the combined age of the backline to come close to hitting the two century mark- with Ganesh Karup (29), Bia Dunpheri (30), Retz Fernando (36-42?) and Mark Teo (27) making up the numbers.
My god the boys are getting old.

The game started "even stevens" on both ends of the pitch with chaos pillaging the central area of the field as both sides attempted to take control of the midfield.
The "Brothers by Birth" Ron and Wan soon started to impose themselves to the opponents and formed a formidable backbone for the Bangbrothers.
Destroying every attack that came our way and launching several in counterance.

BBFC soon scored from a corner to the delight of the spartan crowd in attendance.
Following orders from interim manager Jerald Justin, Dharvin Mirpurri switched flanks with Egyptian Pussycat Paul Samuel and made his way into the penalty box for the corner.

Froz swang a pin point outside foot curler onto the head of the Arabian starlet and he had the easy job of cannoning the ball into the back of the net.

1 Nil to the Brothers.

In the absence of the usually clinical Bradley Christopher Boon, the Brothers deployed midfield hardman Sivaneson up front and it would be an understatement to say that the bald hitman was failing to live up to expectations, scuffing a handful of decent chances that would have put the Brothers in front by some considerable margin.
Looking instead to be more comfortable enjoying a post-coital cigarette on the sidelines instead of sauntering on the pitch, Sivaneson was a mere bystander for most periods.

In his defence however, the man had just underwent a laser eye operation a few days prior to the game, hence his lack of accuracy in front of goal. His detractors would argue otherwise (with a certain legendary Tim Song sniggering at the back)

The skinheaded snakeman did have a few half chances regardless, smacking the post on an occasion or two, but with no recollection of doing it as on both attempts he had no intention of making any contact with the ball whatsoever.

Ganesh Karup, the indomitable goalkeeper of the Brothers in Black took 45winks in goal for the entire first half, not being troubled in any way or form.

Mark Teo came on in the second half to rousing applause from the watching trannies on the sidelines, buoyed by his boyish good looks and sashaying stride.
The second half was pretty much uneventful as chances were few and far between, with both midfields taking turns to control the tempo.

About 70 minutes into the game the opposing team scored through a bogus penalty call from obviously action deprived referee, who attempted to single handedly inject some form of controversy into the game by blindsiding the brothers.
He claimed that the ever reliable Wan had made hand contact with the ball, even when television replays belligerently contradicted his view.

Ganesh Karup, to his tremendous credit, got a hand to the ball but the strike packed way too much power and he deflected its way into the back of the net.

Looking to strike back hard on the counter immediately after conceding, the Brothers piled on the pressure and jammed their way up forward.
A freekick was soon won just outside the box by the ever marauding Dharvin and Froz paved way to allow Ron to have a go at it.

The ball was swung sweetly across goal and somehow made its way into the back of the net after a couple of deflections .
However the referee once again stood on the side of controversy and disallowed the goal for offside.
again screams of "THAT WAS A FUCKING BAD CALL REF!" could be heard from the backline of the Brothers defensive formation. But as the floodlights werent working and the sun nowhere to be found after deciding to settle behind the block of flats and its inhabiting spectators, the perpetrator of those ever so famous words couldn't be apprehended.

The Final Whistle blew soon after and it was an evening where two points were lost spectacularly after some disastrous finishing in front of goal.
The first draw of the season with the spoils shared, a rather anti climatic outing after four wins on the trot with four goals or more being scored each time.
It's Bedok View next week against a super charged Banghra Boys, let's see how the forward line with the newly promoted Sivaneson performs in front of goal then.

Unbiasedly Reported By:
Full time NSF, Part Time Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love,
Jerald Justin Ko.

BangBrothers FC Home Kit

2009-03-31T06:36:00.001-07:00

The BangBrothers Home Kit is yours to own today for the low price of SGD$39.99!

(Price Inclusive of Delivery Charges Within Singapore)

Don on the intimidating Top of the Range Diadora Jet Black Kit with Glossy Yellow Trims, along with your very own Customizable and Personalized Metallic Gold Printed Name and Number!

Contact Jerald Justin via email, kingweasley@hotmail.com for further enquiries.

BangBrothers FC Away Kit

2009-03-31T06:35:00.001-07:00

The BangBrothers Away Kit is yours to own today for the low price of SGD$29.99!

(Price Inclusive of Delivery Charges Within Singapore)

Don't miss your chance to purchase the exclusive and classy BangBrothers FC Umbro Angelic White Kit with Royal Blue Trims, featuring the state of the art BangBrothers BangBabyBang Collar- this piece of dignified fashion guaranteed to swoon the ladies in your life. The Kit is also fully Customizable and Personalized with your very own Glossy Pearlascent Royal Blue Printed Name and Number!

Contact Jerald Justin via email, kingweasley@hotmail.com for further enquiries.

Long Term Injury

2009-03-31T06:03:00.000-07:00

BangBrothers FC WingBack Jerald Justin will be out of action for a minimum of 6 months after rupturing the Anterior Cruciate Ligament(ACL) in his Left Knee.

He is currently undergoing intense treatment at Changi General Hospital's Sports Medicine Centre under the care of renowned Sports Medicine Specialist, Dr. Kwek Hwei Min, along with Senior Physiotherapists Mr. Darek Lam and Ms. Jindee Boolsambatra.
A complete medical review next week will determine if our promising wingback will have to undergo surgery under the knife.

The BangBrothers FC management and team's prayers are with him, and hopes that Jerald Justin will undergo a full, relatively painless, and swiftly speedy recovery.

Here's wishing that he comes back better than ever.

A Brief Information Bite on the ACL Injury.

The ACL is the most commonly injured knee ligament and is commonly damaged by athletes. The ACL is often torn during sudden dislocation, torsion, or hyperextension of the knee. Swelling that is usually attributed to bleeding from the tear may cause pressure and some discomfort, but the torn ligament itself rarely causes much pain.

Due to the lack of severe pain most patients are able to postpone surgery based on the extent of the damage to other tissues in the knee. It is a very common injury in football, hockey, skiing, skating, soccer (and other field sports) and in most cases basketball, due to the enormous amount of pressure, weight, and torque the knee must withstand.

Usually the injury occurs when someone tries to rapidly change direction with the leading leg out, twisting the knee; this is usually followed by a loud popping sound. The injury may also occur under sudden high pressure contact, especially side on. Generally if the knee is locked, and the leg is firmly planted, then there is a much greater risk of injury.

For More Information on ACL Injuries, kindly refer to these following websites.

http://orthopedics.about.com/cs/aclrepain/a/acl.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cruciate_ligament

http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/anterior-cruciate-ligament-acl-injuries-topic-overview?page=2

BangBrothers FC 4 - 1 Alpha Acoustics

2009-03-31T04:52:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 29 March, 2009
Temasek Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Sunny Weather

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Over the past couple of weeks, the Bangbrothers website has featured some pretty poetic guest writers from a wide variety of professional sources.
But none have been as impressive as this current contributor (barring of course the incomparable flamboyant talent of an editor jerald justin himself) .
Displaying a finesse for detail, this witty writer combines humour with verifiable fact, and makes this read a truly enjoyable one.
Guaranteed to bring a smile to your face along with some hearty giggles too.
readers of bangbrothersfc.blogspot.com, enjoy.

com⋅pla⋅cen⋅cy
kəmˈpleɪ sən si [kuh m-pley-suh n-see]
a feeling of quiet pleasure or security, often while unaware of some potential danger, defect, or the like; self-satisfaction or smug satisfaction with an existing situation, condition, etc

The sight of the sky blue shirts may well have had the effect filling the Bangbrothers with just the above. After all, the last couple of teams donning the Manchester City-like kits ended up on the wrong end of a 9-0 and 10-1 ass drubbing courtesy of the aptly named Bangbrothers.

The men in black were riding high on a string of very encouraging and rousing victories over the past few weeks and few if any could argue if they were feeling a tad invincible. Perhaps it was the complacency creeping in and/or the blistering hot weather, but any illusions of omnipotence was soundly refuted as the Sky blues dominated large chunks of the opening proceedings. A couple of half-chances that came their way still failed to spur the rather sluggish bangbrothers into action and this lackadaisical approach culminated in the intelligent reader but not so pacy Retz Fernando having to bring down the opposition striker ala Nemanja Vidic-but unfortunately in the penalty area.
Needless to say, his opinion differed from that of the referee and he was not best pleased. After a soliloquy of swearing, effin’ and jeffin, he bellowed his disapproval to the unsympathetic ref “That was a F*&%ing bad call ref!” ( Not the best way to persuade him to change his mind).
With consummate ease, the striker tucked away his penalty to the right of the keeper-an unstoppable grounder going in off the post. One-Nil to the sky blues and their efforts up to that point deserved no less.

It was the proverbial kick up the arse and it seemed to galvanise the sluggish bangbros. The always amazing Dharvin regained the spring in his step, beating defenders for fun while Muhd Tevez Feroz and the much Maligned (by someone with the moniker “bangbrosfan”) Bradley both were unlucky with freekicks which narrowly sailed over the bar. The former was weaving his magical trickery in the centre of the park while the latter back at his alma mater went on penetrating runs and so nearly provided an assist or two. Usually deadly in the box, he turned his man brilliantly after killing dead a long ball from Roni but saw his shot clip the top of the bar and go out for a goal kick. Unlucky as he was off balance but it was a sure sign that he had the bit between his teeth.

Our very own Muay Thai star of Contender Asia fame then demonstrated just that as he delivered an M Bison-ish kick over the fence and into the dense vegetation behind the pitch (or between a Frenchwoman’s arms or legs). It’s safe to say that the next person to ever see that ball again will probably a guardsman from Bedok Camp.

The half ended as such, with the sky blues clinging on to their slender lead.
It was starting to drizzle as our ever Mercurial, Skilful, Marvellous manager and motivator Jerald Justin (acting very Mourinhoesque) delivered his pep talk and analysis. The rain accentuated the sleekness of the well maintained Astroturf and one sensed that this would suit the equally sleek BBFC strikeforce just fine. It proved so and as the intensity of the rain picked up, the BangBrothers would make like that annoying Duffy and start Raining on their parade. (editor: But I LOVE DUFFY!)

Barely 2 minutes into the restart, BBFC was on the offensive and sprinting into the box from the right wing to pick up a loose ball in the penalty area near the bye line, Bradley then cut in past the defender with his right root and unleashed a net-buster into the roof of the net with his left.
1-1 and it was well and truly game on. It was also incidentally the first time the BangBrothers have equalised in a match after going down by a goal.

It was to prove an utterly inspiring spell for him as he took the entire left side of the sky blues for a run. Again using the right wing to good effect, he collected a pass from the increasingly reliable Wan, made a dash into the box and floated in a teasing cross on a platter of gold to Sivaneson Anelka who was all of 6 yards out. Alas, the finish from the anaconda did not match that of the cross and the less said about his shot the better.

He did have a chance to redeem himself from the spot following a foul in the box on the Bollywood trained diving superstar Dharvin. Usually displaying balls of steel from 12 yards, the Skinheaded one had missed his last 2 Penalties but was keen to stop the rot. With the goalkeeper ridiculously standing practically next to his right hand post, Siva sent a grounder dead centre and it somehow slipped under the keeper’s armpit and nestled in the back of the net. What joy, what relief (c’mon now, you were secretly expecting him to miss weren’t you) 2 goals to 1 and the excitement was palpable.

More was to come when Muhd Tevez Feroz fed Bradley (now on the left wing after swapping positions with Mohd Saliem Paul the Egyptian Extremist). Picking up the ball from the irrepressible Ferroz, Bradley showed the right back a clean pair of heels, cut in and delivered and unsaveable rocket inches inside the left hand post. It truly was a thing of beauty, a goal to savour. 3-1.

As the clock wound down, Feroz submitted his application for the highlight reels as he delivered a delectable and orgasmically sumptuous outside foot freekick which fooled the keeper and went in off the underside of the bar. Such was the quality of the goal that it sparked wild celebrations in the rain.
4-1 it was then at the final whistle and Bangbrothers while clearly on a roll and destined for good things will do well to keep up the workrate and keep a level head. With the right attitude and team dynamics, this talented group will undoubtedly go places.

Modest Interpretation to the best recollection of Bradley Christopher Boon.

BangBrothers FC 5 - 0 The Bedok South Blues

2009-03-31T04:51:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 22 March, 2009
Bedok South Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Sunny Weather
Retz Fernando, Mark Teo, Muhd. Ron, McCormick, Dharvin, Sivaneson, Paul Samuel, Bia Dunpheri, Muhd. Ferroz, Jon Tan, Shi.

Guest Writer of the Week: Sivaneson "Anelka Anaconda" Krishnamoorthy (Self Proclaimed Messiah, Team Captain, Penalty Taker Misser, Best Remembered for Cameo Role in Adult Film of the Year: "30 Inch Monsters")

A patched up Bang Brothers Team took to the field in the hot afternoon sun missing several key players. Against a full squad of Bedok South Blues, the Brothers had to start the match with just 10 men, with Feroz having to push up and foray on his own as a out and out striker as they adopted a 4-4-1 formation.

Retz Fernando was welcomed back in goal after returning from a week long absence from his trip to Australia, and new signing Mark Teo was paraded after his loan deal was turned into a permanent move. Though lacking in numbers,the brothers controlled the match from the start. Offensive forays with dharvin and paul Samuel plying their trade down the wings was often disappointed with poor final balls into the box.

Dharvin made it one nil within the first 15 mins, collecting a pass fromleft back Biya Dunpheri, who was having a relatively quiet game by his own high standards, bursting through the left flank and cutting in to hammer a shot past the helpless blueskeeper. 1-0 to the BangBrothers. Wave after wave of attacks were piled on the oppositions goal. Dharvin released central midfielder Siva with a slide rule pass which the latter stroked past the goalkeeper with ease. Offside was the call from the Punjabi referee television replays showed that he had got it wrong. 5 mins later, winger Dharvin, who was aconstantthreat to the opposition was sent crashing down in the penalty box, leaving the referee no option to point to the spot.

Regular spotkick taker Siva stepped up, and to the surprise of the crowd, missed from the spot for the second time running. But, asthey say, form is temporary, class is forever,and this was soon evident in his display afterwards. With no aerial threat upfront, and with Ron arriving to provide the 11th man, Siva and feroz swapped roles and this paid dividends almost immediately. Feroz in hismore familiar attacking midfielder role set Dharvin free with a through pass which the winger crossedback toprovide Siva with a simple tap in past the blues keeper.

Half Time: 2-0

The second half started with paul Samuel being restedand on loan winger Shi starting on the right wing. The diminutive winger was againsta much heavier opponent and was often out muscled by the opposite left back. In a moment of brilliance, he eluded his gargantuan marker and whipped in a swerving cross which Siva metwith great aplomb and nodded into the bottom corner of the net. 3-0.

5 mins later another foraying run, this time by rightback Phil McCormick, set up Siva. His first shot was pushed against the post by the keeper, only to fall back to his feet for a simple tap in. 4-0. A hat trick for the central midfielder as he pushed on in thelone striker role. Form is temporary, Class is Permanent.

Winger Dharvin got his brace soon after, smacking in a shot from the left making it 5-0. The opponents started losing the plot with infighting as well as throwing of rough house tackles against the brothers. Patience was wearing thin as holding midfielder Ron was sent off together with his opposite number for throvwing kicks at each other.

Full Time: 5-0

BangBrothers FC 5 - 1 The Easters

2009-03-31T04:50:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 15 March, 2009
Springfield Secondary School
3pm, Afternoon Kickoff
Sunny Weather

IN PROGRESS

BangBrothers FC 6 - 0 Red Boys

2009-03-31T04:47:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 8 March 2009
East View Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Sunny Weather

IN PROGRESS

BangBrothers FC 2 - 1 Untouchables

2009-02-23T00:03:00.001-08:00

Sunday, 22 February, 2009
Springfield Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Sunny Weather
Starting Lineup: Retz Fernando, Jerald Justin Ko, Mark Teo, Bia Dunpheri, Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy, Ferroz Muhd., Jon Tan, Bert Dunpheri, Dharvin Mirpuri, Bradley Boon.
Substitutes: Paul Samuel, Dan Boo, Philip McCormick.
Scorers: Bradley Boon (1), Ferroz Muhd. (1)

What was billed as the biggest game of the Season did not disappoint and lived up to its highly anticipated name and hype as the Bangbrothers battled hard to eke out a well deserved 2-1 win over the “Untouchables”, unbeaten for six months, in a record run that stretched all the way to August last year in undefeated games, brought to a crashing and burning halt at the hands AND feet of the outrageously sensual BangBrothers.

A breathtakingly exhilarating game from start to finish, it was a truly momentous occasion as a packed Springfield Secondary School Fitness Corner stood up in anticipation throughout the entire 90 minutes to watch the two sides lock horns in heartstopping fashion, with the heroic performances of the Bangbrothers seeing them through the game.

The match started on the dot at 5pm sharp with both sides attempting to grab a foothold on the game, spraying passes across a beautifully laid AstroTurf pitch in Tampines. The prior shower of rain hours before had added to the slickness of the green and the ball travelled with a degree of poise and lithesomeness not seen on other unevenly pot-hole ridden fields.

It was always going to be a tight one, words made famous by "Rocco Siffredi", and so it was as the midfield trio of Sivaneson, Ron, and Ferroz were made to work extra hard in closing down any ounce of space that threatened to spill out.

The latter, in particular, was in seemingly inspired form, chasing down every single loose ball that came his way and actually participating in some extended form of running, putting his body on the line and diving in for every 50 50 challenge. It was something very much unseen and unheard of from the Islamic Superstar, with fans and players alike impressed by his newfound dedication to chase the balls, unlike in previous games where he'd stand and watch it go past him. The man is returning to glorious heights of his yesteryear, and if he keeps this up, the days so fondly remembered by the Teveznator are soon to be just around the corner.

The game's first goal came right on the 20 minute mark and deservedly so.
Dharvin Mirpuri, playing brilliantly in goal today to cover for the injured Joe, slammed a long and far reaching goal kick across the entire lenght of his half and onto the feet of new signing Jon Tan, impressing today as a left winger- the man is a highly sought after attacking midfielder, and no doubt his performance today, calm, composed, matured and direct, will earn him more rave reviews and fans alike. A brilliant addition to the expanding talents of the squad.

Jon released Bradley with an exquisitely deft touch down the middle and his first touch was to knock it pass the defender and use his sheer burst of intense acceleration to kill any interest in challenging him. A fraction of a second later, he was in front of goal and there was no missing as he slammed the ball home with a trademark grounder, placing it squarely in the bottom corner of the keeper's right, unsaveable, 1 nil up, and the Brothers were jubilant.

Screams of "keep your hand in the game" and "concentrate don't F*CK this up" could be heard resonating throughout the entire bangbrothers eleven and even the subs bench as memories of previous games where a lack of focus during leads saw the bangbrothers switch off and concede sloppy goals.

However this wasn't to be the case today as one of the most beautiful plays of the season involving more than half of the entire bangbrothers team saw Ferroz score what was the cherry on top of his breathtakingly electrifying game today.
It was outstanding synergy between the players as they passed the ball and moved with intent, creating spaces that was never there before and filling up crucial gaps in the process.
Thai Brothers Bia and Bert one-twoed their way past the hounding opponents down the right wing after Ron intercepted a loose pass- what is soon becoming his niche.

Receiving yet another pass from his older sibling, Bert ran wide and delivered a sweet cross straight to an onrushing Ferroz Muhd. who brought it down with a deft touch and volleyed the ball past an outstretchd goalkeeper, trying his very best to palm the ball away, but to no avail as the ferociousness of the strike was too hot for him to handle. It was as close to an orgasmic spasm as you can possibly get as the BangBrothers couldn't believe that they were 2 nil up in such quick succession.

It was a harmonious show of unity, unanimaty, undividedess and uniformity as the boys showed immense solidarity to run towards the goalscorer and embrace themselves in a sweaty and steamy group hug.

A touching and heartwarming sight no less, inclusive of wringingly wet t shirts and ripped bodies, one that even the great Elton John himself would be proud of.

On Loan winger Dan Boo came on soon after and played an average game- unable to shine due to the brobdingnagian outfield training that he recently returned from with the chiong sua honour and glory Commandos. He flies back to Perth along with speedy winger Zen Chan to complete his educational course, and we wish them all the best.

Just before half time the Untouchables pulled one back with what would be a combination of an enormous fluke and great talent.
It was a fortuitous strike, one from way outside of the box and riding on a wave of serendipitous luck. Dipping at the very last moment and hitting both the crossbar and upright, the ball crashed its way past an impressive Dharvin and into the back of the net.

2-1 half time, the game was getting interesting.

The second half started with Dharvin moving down his usual left wing position and bangbrothers other new signing, Ron's little brother, Haris, a promising young goalkeeper, slotting in between the posts. The custodian's position has been one of extreme concern and instablity, and everyone knows that it takes a steady hand and inflated presence to keep control of the often chaotic six yard box. This young man certainly showed that today with his confident performance between the sticks, punting down threateningly long goal kicks, grabbing hold of every ball that came his way and making some excellent saves to keep the Brothers in the match. Much, and we do mean MUCH, will be expected of him in the near future, with such an outstanding display today, it is the very least the fans will demand.
"No Pressure."

The mastodonically elephantine behemoth that is Retz Fernando showed signs of ageing in an aesthetic sense - with his jersey barely covering his gargantuan frame, and his pace or lack thereof extremely evident. However, the "Sucka from Sri Lanka" showed the crowds in attendance and those watching at home that he can more than make up for his physical shortcomings with philosophical-like reading of the game and an uncanny knack of being at the right place at the very right time to intercept incoming balls. There truly is nothing like maturity and experience to pull you through the tough times.

It was also a match where the Wingbacks, McCormick and Jerald Justin raised their game, bombing forward with intensity and purpose, stretching the pitch as wide as possible as "Rocco" would during his flicks, utilizing every single blade of artificial grass that was shimmering on the green with glee.

The AngMo Starlet played what was described by the papers as the "absolute BLOODY F*CKING GAME OF HIS LIFE!" and these sentiments are shared wholeheartedly right here in the sensual home of the bangbrothers.

Jumping to the height of the moon and piledriving away every ball that came his way, Philip McCormick is steadily rising to becoming one of the very best defenders of our day. He made the rightback position his, owning the Wingers and Strikers in the process, showing that when a man calls a place home, he will protect it every way he possibly can- and that was what the right hand side was for him, a long green patch of HOME. Using his concussed head, his bruised feet, his gangling body, and elongated frame, Philip McCormick used all means necessary to prevent anyone from getting past him, and he was bloody sensational.

As long as the success doesnt get to his head, we will soon see great things from this young boy, it is up to the managers and coaches to protect the AngMo Starlet from the prying eyes of the media, and let him concentrate on developing his all round ability.

Bradley Boon saw a diving header flash just over the crossbar on the 70th minute as Bert and Siva did well to exchange some fluid passes, with the former dragging the keeper out of his box and releasing Bradley down the middle with a sweet cross. Pity that Bradley could not inflate the scoreline after some outrageous contorting of his body in an attempt to finish the game on a high.

Soon after Philip culminated his fantastic show today in defence by executing a tip top well timed last ditch tackle to prevent the Untouchable's striker from what would have been an inevitable goal. Philip's immaculate timing in that challenge was unparalleled and unmatchable. He just needs to work on his accelaration to truly complete his game.

One boy who certainly has no trouble accelerating is the steadfast and mercurial Dharvin Mirpuri, whose breakneck speed and pulsating pace was too much for the opponents to handle. Coupled with an exceptional first touch and unrivalled dribbling, Dharvin atttracted all kinds of attention, from dirty tackles all the way to wolf whistles from the watching families in the balconies of the adjacent apartment blocks.

Another young starlet rising through the ranks after his tenure at BangBrother's feeder club, the MILF Hunters, has certainly matured from his very first few games where a selfish streak and an egocentric personality threatened to destroy his overall game. Previously self indulgent and narrow minded, the boy has slowly but surely grown in experience, letting to ball go at the right moments and actually making an effort to close the opponents down.

He does however, still needs a tremendous amount of work in learning when to track back and defend, and when to make runs down the line to provide options for the team.
Wingplay is not just about attacking, and the boy still has much knowledge left to grasp and master.

2-1 and the full time whistle screamed with abudance.
The scoreline suggests a closely contested game but those who watched the game in attendance would testify that it was, arguably, one of the absolute very best performances by the BangBrothers ever witnessed.
The entire squad raised their game and got stuck in- with purpose, guile, ferocity, and passion, never seen with such intensity before.
It was an orgasmic game to say the very least, one that brought an ejaculated frenzy throughout the ranks of players, fans, and attendees alike.
More highs are expected in due time, do watch this space.

BangBrothers FC 8 - 3 Bukit Merah Abangs

2009-02-22T20:14:00.000-08:00

Sunday, 15 February, 2009
Bukit Merah Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Cloudy Overcast Weather
Starting Lineup: Retz Fernando, Jerald Justin Ko, Timothy Song, Bia Dunpheri, Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy, Ferroz Muhd., Philip McCormick, Bert Dunpheri, Dharvin Mirphurri, Paul Samuel.
Substitutes: Muhd. Ron, Zen Chan.
Scorers: Bert Dhunperi (3), Dharvin Mirphurri (2), Paul Samuel (1), Siva (1) Penalty, Ferroz (1).

A hammer and tongs messy scrap of a game at Bukit Merah Secondary School earlier this evening saw the BangBrothers emerge 8-3 victors, donned in their spangkingly sharp hot white V Neck Away Kit, with their “Middle Eastern” starlet Dharvin Mirphuri in the heart of this show of offensive virility, and seasoned professional Muhd. Ron showing off his outstanding vision with some impressive execution of various audacious crossfield passes.

The early proceedings saw the BangBrothers midfield called into action as the ball was hit to and fro with no particular direction.
Siva and Ron had to battle hard to attain some form of authority as the Bukit Merah side played rough-house with experience.
There was no telling who had total control over the game as before one team could even attempt to retain possession, the ball would soon be lost and given away to the other side.

Overlapping wingbacks Philip McCormick and JeraldJustin made the game as wide as possible on instruction. And bombed forward with relentless purpose to devastating effect. Often stretching the Bukit Merah defence to its loose ends. However the final third was always going to be disappointing even though the delivery was excellent as the BangBrothers forward line was sorely missing the presence of an out and out striker to harass and pounce on any sliver of a chance.

It was looking like it was going to be another one of those afternoons until fate struck with an almighty whip, tumbling the Islamic Superstar Muhd. Tevez Ferroz inside the penalty box.

It was a chance for the Brothers to grab control over the game and so they took it with open arms, Sivaneson slotting home what is soon becoming his trademark niche, an unsaveable power packed precision hit top corner Penalty kick.

But just as the Brothers looked to be heading for a stroll in the park, the opponents equalized immediately afterwards, albeit undeservingly.
It was straight from kickoff, with a hit to the left flank catching the entire defence off balance and unaware.
The Bukit Merah Winger had the simplest of chances and all the time in the world to slot the ball past a stagnant Retz Fernando.
1 nil... the game was starting to breathe into life.

And boy did it sparkle when Dharvin sped down the right wing minutes later to strike an absolute gem of a goal.

Dharvin Sami Al Jaber Qhatani Mirphuri slalomed and jimmied his way left right and centre past the entire left hand side of a mesmerized Bukit Merah side, before cutting inside deftly and slamming a left footed shot with such ferocity that it swerved and dipped into the keeper's right hand corner in under a fraction of a second. It was a goal of absolute artistry and guile, coupled with enthralling power... sheer brilliance.

The floodgates were well and truly opened... and boy did the rush come.

It was Dharvin once again who was in the centre of things as Ron released the Half Polish Half Extremist superstar with a controlled lob down the right hand side. Dharvin swerved a beautiful cross against the line of goal and Thai import Bert had the simplest of tasks to tap the ball home.

Paul Samuel, starting again after a brief loan spell to BangBrother's feeder club, the MILF Hunters, looked to have gained some highly beneficial form of maturity and experience during his tenure there... which is the least you can expect from a highly reputable and proven ripened environment.

It was from a Paul Samuel through pass to Bert which allowed him to strike the ball home down the left of the goal to make it 4-1.

Just before halftime, Ron and Ferroz combined well to split open a frustrated Bukit Merah defence. With Ferroz released down the left hand side, he attempted to stroke the ball down the keeper's near post. But the Bukit Merah custodian was there first and could only helplessly palm the ball away to the feet of an incoming Paul Samuel, who, like the goalscorer before him, had the straightforward task of sidefooting the ball into an empty net.

5-1 at Half Time. The BangBrothers were already on cruise control.

The second half started like the first and it was looking to be messy once again as the Brothers slackened off a bit.

And it was from this slack that the Bukit Merah attacking midfielder skipped his way through the ball watching centre area of the BangBrothers half and smashed the ball pass a hapless Sri Retz Fernando. He was fuming mad and Timothy Song wasn't pleased either. The midfield made it too easy for the opponents and the plot seemed to be on its way to being lost.

It was 5-2, could it possibly be a comeback?

As much as the Bukit Merah side hoped so, it was not to be as Ron showed how veterans do it and scored soon after with what can be described as an absolute PEACH of a goal.

Controlling the midfield with his commanding presence, Ron stepped in like the incredible hulk and used his immense physique to power two opponents off the ball after a stray corner from Ferroz threatened to catch the Brothers off guard in a counter attacking manoveure.

Looking up and spotting the keeper to the left of his barenaked goal, Ron lifted his left arm, cocked his right leg, and delicately lifted the ball with such grace and demureness that it made Snow White blush.
The flight of the ball was one of fancy as the entire 23 men on the pitch watched it float like a butterfly up and over the entire length of the Bukit Merah half, dipping in a victorious path into the top corner of an astounded Bukit Merah goal.

A Peach of a goal. No, make it a Durian, Mango, and Truffle of a goal too. A class act from a class midfielder.

Zen Chan, playing his final game before flying off to Perth for a season long educational course, was a constant threat and menace to the thorn of the Bukit Merah side. He was always looking to cap of his testimonial with a goal but was increasingly unlucky on more than a few occasions.

But one boy who seemed to be getting all the luck contrubuted to the next goal to make it 7-3. And yes who else but the boy on red hot form, Master Dharvin Mirphuri, mercurially stinging his way past opponents on the left hand side with direct and devastatingly intense running.
Squaring the ball across goal after beating a deluge of players, it was travelling towards and onrushing Ferroz, who looked to be on hand to nick a goal, until Bert raced in from his blindside and jumped at the opportunity to strike the ball into the back of net for his first Hat Trick of the season.

Ferroz did, however, get his goal eventually.
It was Dharvin, AGAIN, who “beep beeped” down the right hand side a la the road runner and played a sweet back pass to Philip McCormick, again bombing down the right. Philip crossed a delightful ball straight to the left foot of Paul Samuel, who took it down with a single touch and striked it with ferocity to the far right of the goal. But a defender leapt in the path of the ball and it deflected onto the incoming Islamic Superstar Ferroz who showed immense technique to cushion the loose ball with his gregarious thigh and volley the ball into the back of the net.
BANG it went. And BANG it most definitely was.

8-3. The Brothers clockwork is slowly but surely ticking into place.
The biggest game of the season against the runaway league leaders next week, They will have to raise their game and take things to the very highest level in order to truly prove their mettle.

Unbiasedly Reported By:
Full time NSF, Part Time Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love,
Jerald Justin Ko.

BangBrothers FC 10 - 1 The Sky Blue Rangers

2009-02-11T07:42:00.000-08:00

Sunday, 8 February, 2009
North View Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Cloudy Overcast Weather
Starting Lineup: Retz Fernando, Jerald Justin Ko, Mark Teo, Bia Dunpheri, Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy, Ferroz Muhd., Philip McCormick, Bert Dunpheri, Dharvin Mirphurri, Zen Chan.
Substitutes: Muhd. Ron
Scorers: Bradley (3), Ferroz (2), Dharvin (2), Bert (1), Siva (1) penalty, Zen (1).

The Bangbrothers bounced back in spectacular form after a disappointing run out last week to triumph in outstanding fashion, brushing aside a dismal Sky Blue Rangers team ten goals to one.

But it must be said that it was more of the internal conflicts and self-capitulating antics of the Sky Blue Rangers that ultimately caused their downfall, more so than the top dollar performance of the Brothers in Black.

But take nothing away from their sheer ability and showcase of talent out there this evening, as the Brothers revealed their true colours in tremendously slick and suave style from start to finish, banging in ten stunners throughout the course of a relentless barrage of offensive manoeuvres from the word go.

The game started off pretty evenly as both sides knocked the ball across the pitch, utilizing the full lenght of a wide albeit slightly dry Yishun green.

The first true move of the game started when wingback Jerald Justin hit an inch perfect outside foot through ball from inside his own half. It was one of those truly rare moments of brilliance from the much maligned defender, but the referee had an eye in the direction of our lasciviously pulchritudinous WAGS and blew Ferroz offside when he was clearly behind at least two backtracking defenders.

Nevertheless the floodgates were soon shackled open as Bradley unleashed an unstoppable strike into the top corner after receiving a square ball from the ever youthful Dharvin Mirphurri.
It's been a truly roller coaster ride for the two offensive players this season, with a few true lows that threatened to mar their relationship. But recent events have seen the two combine to devastatingly ruthless effect, and as long as the two stay focused on the same page, this can only spell Trouble with a capital T for opponents of the BangBrothers in the very near future.

Against the run of play the Sky Blue Rangers somehow equalized after a lack of concentration from Jerald Justin allowed them to capitalize and hence slot the ball home.
The wingback has an uncanny tendency of misjudging high balls and his diminutive frame does him no favours here. He has to work on his truly abysmal timing and jumps to truly step up to the next level.

The lead was soon restored after a truly handsome free kick from the Islamic Superstar Muhd. Tevez Ferroz. Placing the ball about 6 yards outside of the penalty box, Ferroz took a couple of steps back before embarking on a dramatic swing of the right foot to thunder the ball up and over the wall, into the keeper's top right hand corner, brushing the underside of the crossbar on its way home. It looked so good that you could watch the replays over and over and over again- up to the point that you could even place the screen in front of a mirror and just admire the sheer brilliance of the strike... over and over and over again.

Philip McCormick, the young English starlet, was using this game to prove a point and took advantage of the ageing left hand side of the Sky Blue Rangers team to bomb forward with increasing purpose each time he gained possession of the ball.
And it was from one of these purposeful runs that set up Dharvin to score the third of BangBrother's decade of goals. A delightful cross from Philip was trapped exquisitely by Dharvin and he had the simple task of slotting the ball into the bottom corner with relative ease, unmarked and free of pressure.

Ferroz did well to score again after a beautiful one two with Dharvin. Slicing the backline with precision passing, the duo combined and Ferroz was on the benefiting end after using the outside of his size 9 foot to guide the ball into the bottom right corner.

Ferroz was truly excelling in this game against the Sky Blues, and it was once again from his right foot that played a considerable part in the fifth goal for the Brothers. The Islamic superstar intercepted a lazy pass from the opposition and lobbed a sublimely royal ball over the entire backline, releasing one half of the Thai Brothers, Bert Dunpheri, who ran in from the right and slammed the ball home.

Just before half time Dharvin Mirphurri showed the Yishun crowd what he does best, dazzling his way through the left hand side of the Sky Blue's defensive line, cutting in at the very last moment, before attracting a stray leg from the opposing defender, and thus falling to the ground in spectacular fashion. One of the most sneaky and insidious moves in his generous repertoire of tricks, the highly effective "fall from grace"... a.k.a the DIVE.

This show of talent earned the Brothers a penalty, and once again, as cool as a cucumber and calm as a monk, the Skinhead Snakey Superstar Sivaneson delivered.
A wonderful strike from the spot into the top corner, in 5 miliseconds flat.
It was one of his best penalties to date, unsaveable and untouchable to the very highest degree. A ravishing of a shot, he truly raped the goalkeeper with that particular effort.

Half Time and the Sky Blue Rangers were understandably disconsolate, what they didnt expect was that the Brothers hadn't even gotten out of second gear. It wasn't just the fact that things somehow went their way this afternoon unlike the past week where everything that could go wrong went wrong, but it was the blatant lack of effort from the Sky Blue Rangers entire eleven that contributed to the inflatedly flattering scoreline.

After a shot of tar and nicotine to the brain, the thinking tinkerer Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy soon decided on a handful of modifications to the BangBrothers engine, with clinical forward Bradley Boon placed in goal, whilst the ever cumbersome Joe plied his trade upfront as a goalkeeping striker a la Fabien Barthez. It was truly a sight to behold.
Muhd. Ron, the on loan defensive midfielder, was placed in control of the defensive side of midfield in the second half, allowing Sivaneson to roam upfront and venture on his dazzling runs to nowhere. Although Ron, the father of two, has a considerable deficit in terms of pace, he more than makes up for it with excellent control, accurate passes and great vision.

The second 45 saw the Brothers continue where they left off, even with a cheeky reshuffling of things, Zen Chan this time scoring another one of his trademark goals that seems to be carbon copied one after the another.

A pass from Siva onto right flank after a frenzied clearance from Jerald Justin saw Zen run like a Gazelle on drugs. He broke the sound barrier in the process and there was no way anyone was going to catch up with him. In blink of an eye the ball was slotted pass the Sky Blue custodian, who had no chance from the get go.

The game started to take on the mood of an exhibition game as even Bradley, in the maroon goalkeeping outfit, got into the festivities and nutmegged the opposition striker just next to the corner flag after running out to collect a back pass. Laughter ensued all around and it added to the carnival like atmosphere that radiated throughout the fans in attendance; cheers could even be heard from the watching families living in the nearby surrounding apartment blocks through the cosy enclaves of their balconies and windows.

Ferroz had a golden opportunity to bring the match ball home and add to his brace of goals after employing yet another one two with his partner in crime Dharvin Mirphurri, but his resultant effort after a delightful squeeze of a through ball from outside of the box smashed against the crossbar and bounced cheekily on the goaline before rolling out for a goalkick.
Screams of frustration bellowed from the attacking midfielder, who was looking to impress his critics; some of which have been merciless in their assessment of the bag of tricks superstar to date.

The Sky Blues had a rare chance to claim a consolation goal after a handball from the atramentously caliginious defender Retz Fernando inside the box. A penalty was awarded to the Rangers and the only thing that stood in their way was the injured Mark Teo in goal (who replaced Bradley a few minutes before the incident). Turning back time and living in the days of old where he used to play goalie in Perth, Mark Teo stepped up to the challenge in gold star fashion, diving to his right to palm the ball away. A baptism of fire for Mark Teo in goal, and he left the spot relatively unscathed and burn free.

The crossbar of the Sky Blue's goal soon rattled for the fourth time in the game as it tasted the sweet ball of Philip McCormick's headed effort from a Muhd. Ferroz corner. It was a Pin-Point-Perfect ball.
Unluckily for the young part Englishman part Singaporean starlet, who will be embarking on an adventure of his own in the near future; with an invitation *(which he cannot refuse) to the Singapore National Service soon to be in his incoming calls list.

Bradley Boon made it 8 on 80 minutes, taking a freekick from just outside the box and routinely placing it on the goalkeeper's right hand side. It was training ground stuff, methodical and effective. Ferroz wasn't pleased though, he was subbed out slightly before the freekick was awarded, and believed that it was his divine chance to grab his hat trick. But he was soon reminded of the importance for the team to come first, with the ever diplomatic Jerald Justin running up to remind him of that pertinent fact. Smiles all around soon after.

It was 9-1 with Bradley once again on the mark as the game drew to a close. A scramble in front of goal after a long punt up front from Retz Fernando, plying his trade at centreback today. Bradley tried his luck with an ambitious kick from a tight angle, and it nestled comfortably in the bottom corner.

Zen Chan broke the hearts of the Sky Blue Rangers even further just before the final whistle, making it double figures for the BangBrothers at 10-1. Racing down the right flank with the ball after Bia did well to thrust his was through a Rangers attack and intercept forcefully.
Zen delivered a resplendently gorgeous ball across goal that was as long and beautiful as Alessandra Ambrosio's delicious legs. Dharvin scored with the simplest of touches, tapping it in past a hapless goalkeeper.

10-1. and the Brothers in Black have never had an easier game.
With much credit due to the opponents for their lack of dedication and effort in their pursuit of a decent result. No less, the BangBrothers eleven should not succumb to resting on their laurels and resort to neglectfulness in their game, with tough matches against young exciting teams to come, the Blacks will have to step up and not only maintain their exquisite performances, but also to cut loose ends and shape up for a better, more divine future, if they were to ever succeed in entering the weekend warriors league.

Well done boys, let's keep this up and blow them all away.

Unbiasedly Reported By:
Full time NSF, Part Time Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love,
Jerald Justin Ko.

BangBrothers FC 2 - 4 Bedok Resevoir Mats

2009-02-11T04:41:00.000-08:00

Sunday, 1 February, 2009
Damai Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Bright Sunny Weather
Starting Lineup: Retz Fernando, Jerald Justin Ko, Kalaivaanan, Kelvin Lim, Bia Dunpheri, Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy, Ferroz Muhd., Philip McCormick, Timothy Song, Dharvin Mirphurri, Zen Chan.
Substitutes: Muhd. Ron
Scorers: Siva (1) penalty, McCormick (1).

A depleted BangBrothers team sorely missing the clinical finishing of Bradley Boon crashed to a morale sapping 4-2 defeat after lapses in concentration marred their Sunday evening in a clash against a cocky and swaggering Bedok Resevoir side.

The BangBrothers conceded a handful of sloppy goals after substandard attentiveness and attention to the game marred their much fabled team spirit and performance.

It was a game that also confirmed Sajitha Dunpheri’s position as the team’s official Jinx, having attended every single one of their losses. Simply put, of the three games that Su has attended this season, the Bangbrothers have lost every single one. Three strikes and you’re out, it is no work of fiction or coincidence that she is a bad omen.

The match screamed fast and furious action, with Kelvin and Kalai being called into action for long periods, as the opposition goalkeeper possessed a tremendous ability for knocking the ball from his side of the green all the way to our penalty box.

The Bangbrothers had a host of incredible chances early on to put the game beyond reach, but for the heroics of the Bedok Resevoir custodian, who made a handful of remarkable one handed saves to single handedly keep them in the game.

Two in particular deserved Save Of the Season mentionables, One from a thunderous Bia strike, and the other, a point blank Dharvin header. Both looked to have crept into the left and right bottom corners respectively, but both were outstandingly saved at the very final hour. Hands on head and mouths gaping, there was nothing they could do as it just wasn’t their day.

The first goal of the game came from the right as the swift Bedok Resevoir winger sped past a backtracking Phillip McCormick, pushing him aside before slamming the ball past Retz Fernando to make it 1 nil.
Things looked downhill from then on as the Brothers lost all focus and motivation. It was to be one of the most disappointing performances to date.

The half soon finished and the action never really seemed liked stopping.

It was dirty play that marred the beauty of the game early in the second 45 as the opposition striker ran into Retz Fernando and walloped a fist into the mid section of the ample Bangbrothers custodian. The referee however, turned a cheek and a blindeye to the astonishment of the entire BangBrothers eleven as the ball bounced over the goal line and into the back of the net.

A lifeline however did come in the form of a long awaited penalty. The opposing defenders played more like grappling brawlers then footballers, and justice was soon served in the form of a Zen Chan tumble inside the box.

Siva slotted the ball home brilliantly from the spot under tremendous pressure. 2-1, and the tide seemed to be changing.

But it wasn’t to be, as fate would have it, Retz Fernando was off his line and the ball sailed dramatically up and over him, into the top corner, straight from kickoff. 3-1 and the Brothers were despondent.

And it was reflected in play as Sivaneson missed from two metres out after fantastic work from Dharvin to hit a square ball across goal. Yes, two metres out.

But Phillip McCormick soon powered a bullet header past a hapless keeper after great work from Sivaneson who recovered his composure to deliver a pinpoint cross into the box.

The last goal came from the opponents and it was a big surprise and totally against the run of play as the Brothers started to hit home for the equalizer. The opposition winger was on the right side of the 6 yard box and turned the entire defence inside out with his mazy running. Kalai, deployed at right back in a makeshift position, attempted to keep pace wit him but to no avail. With a weary Timothy Song trying to keep up, the winger toe poked the ball from an impossible angle and it entered Retz’s goal at the bottom corner.

Game. Set. and Match. An evening to forget.

Unbiasedly Reported By:
Full time NSF, Part Time Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love,
Jerald Justin Ko.

BangBrothers FC 5 - 2 Tampines Kampung Boys

2009-02-11T04:33:00.000-08:00

Saturday, 24 January, 2009
Jun Yuan Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Bright Sunny Weather
Starting Lineup: Retz Fernando, Jerald Justin Ko, Kalaivaanan, Kelvin Lim, Muhd. Man, Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy, Ferroz Muhd., Philip McCormick, Bradley Boon, Dharvin Mirphurri, Faizal Muhd.
Substitutes: Timothy Song.
Scorers: Dharvin (2), Siva (1), Ferroz (1), Bradley (1).

A makeshift BangBrothers side cruised to a comfortable 5-2 victory over a satay and rendang inspired Tampines Kampung Boys side at JunYuan Secondary school.

Sporting fresh faces in the form of Kelvin Lim, Faizal Muhd, and the ever composed Muhd. Man, the BangBrothers controlled the game’s proceedings from start to finish, with the result never looking in doubt.

Sivaneson opened the scoring with a thunderous left foot strike that flew straight into the bottom corner after picking it up just outside the penalty box. It was a goal that not many expected, and it’s refreshing to see that the much maligned and often underperforming skinheaded superstar has begun revving his engine and strutting his stuff these past couple of games.

It was 2 nil soon after after Froz intercepted a carelessly hit loose ball slightly after the halfway line. The Islamic superstar, sporting a freshly styled hairdo ala Beckham in June 2003, ran and dragged 2 defenders wide with his tricky running before waiting for the right time to slot pass the advancing goalkeeper.

The opponents scored from a freekick against the run of play just before half time. Poor communication between the defensive wall and goalkeeper resulted in the ball landing in the bottom left hand corner of Retz Fernando’s goal.

But young starlet Dharvin soon scored to restore the Bangbrother’s two goal cushion. It was once again great telaphaty between the Middle Eastern talent and proven clinical finisher Bradley Boon- both having seemingly put their past squabbles behind them to forge a ruthless partnership up front, who squared the ball straight to Dharvin, bulldozing himself pass two burly defenders before tapping the ball in.

Before long the BangBrothers scored once more, and it was Dharvin who shared the majority of the spoils once again. Bradley ran into the box and used a great deal of his inner brute strength to overcome two foul breathed defenders. Pulling the trigger from a tight angle, the ball hit an opponent and hung precariously in the air. Bradley was first to the ball and rose high and mighty to head the ball across goal, this time for Dharvin to scramble a header of his own, directing it into the back of the net.

A consolation goal for the Tampines Kampung boys resulted from a lack of concentration as the Brothers let their guard down late into the game. Breaking their offside trap, the Kampung striker hit full throttle and slammed the ball home from a tight angle at the right.

The game took a wrong turn before long as the opponents started to resort to underhand roughhouse tactics to combat their lack of propensity in the game.
And it was the ever tempestuous Bradley Boon who got involved in an uneccesary scuffle with an opposition defender. The most ironic part of it all was that he had retaliated against the wrong individual. Erroneous of him it was, but amusing too no less.
It took the garangutuan frame of a shadowy Retz Fernando and the sizeable character of a thin on top Sivaneson to calm things down.

It was mayhem for awhile afterwards as even the the reliably level headed Jerald Justin almost disarticulated an opponents limb after sliding in mercilessly from behind to hack the opposition winger off his footing; the wingback received a yellow card for his troubles.

Bradley did well to silence the home crowd by scoring spectacularly soon after, emphatically thumping the ball past a hapless Kampung custodian. His celebrations resounded the mood of the entire Bangbrothers team, who were fatigued and wearily exhausted by that time, when he lifted his index finger to his pouty little lips, a signal of intent and purpose from the clinical forward. 5-2 it was, and the final whistle couldn’t have come any earlier.

Unbiasedly Reported By:Full time NSF, Part Time Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love,Jerald Justin Ko.

BangBrothers FC 2 - 3 Genesis FC

2009-01-22T06:51:00.001-08:00

Sunday, 18 January, 2009
Punggol Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Bright Sunny Weather
Starting Lineup: Retz Fernando, Jerald Justin Ko, Kalaivaanan, Dinesh Perumal, Bia Dunpheri, Bert Dunpheri, Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy, Ferroz Muhd., Philip McCormick, Bradley Boon, Dharvin Mirphurri.
Substitutes: Zen Chan, Timothy Song.
Scorers: Dharvin (1), Bradley (1).

The BangBrothers faced their toughest test yet today as they fell to a narrow 3-2 loss against a youthful and highly energetic Genesis FC Team.

The early proceedings saw some fast and furious action as the teams took turns to pummel one another with wave after wave of offensive manoveures.

But it was the BangBrothers, through the ever well positioned Muhd Tevez Ferroz, who had the first real chance of the game.

A slaloming run from Dharvin Mirphurri and a subsequent over the top lob released the attacking midfielder through on goal, but he could only poorly sidefoot the ball wide.

The BangBrothers took a solid foothold on the game after a frentic first 15 minutes that saw both goalkeepers called for duty, having to venture far from the comfort of their 16 yard boxes in order to retrieve dangerous loose balls.

They managed to pile the pressure on the Genesis boys through making full use of their widemen, and piled constant pressure against a backpeddling defence. However, their exertions proved to be unfruitful at the end of it all.

There was trouble in the other side of the pitch as well, where the Genesis’s centre forward in particular was giving the strong backline (today missing the Rock Solid Mark Teo), of Dinesh Perumal, Jerald Justin, Kalaivaanan and Philip McCormick considerable problems.

His sizeable physique and bright orange underwear in particular threatened to spill over and score on a handful of occasions, and if not for the commanding presence of Retz Fernando, who dominated the defence with ever screaming authority, he very well could have sneaked a goal or two in.

On the half hour mark Muhd. Ferroz had another golden opportunity to score when put clean through by Sivaneson, and with the goal gaping at his mercy, the “Teveznator” could only poke the ball wide of the upright. It was a disappointing afternoon in particular for the midfielder, despite being able to sneak into some pretty delicious positions at the offensive end of the field.

Half Time and honours even at nil nil.

The start of the second period saw Zen Chan and Timothy Song thrown into the fray of things, and it soon paid dividends as the speedy winger shimmied and shammied through the entire Genesis left hand side before scrambling a driven low ball across goal.
It was absolute chaotic anarchy in the Genesis penalty box as legs were thrown all about the place and bodies put on the line.
But the ever devious Dharvin Mirphurri was able to reach the bouncing ball before anyone else and contorted his agile body to guide the ball into the back of the net.

1 nil and jubilant celebrations on the sidelines ensued.

It was turning into a true hammers and thongs match as each side battled hard to grasp a tight hold onto the game.
The Brothers might have been a goal up but the final whistle was far from being blown.

It was very much a fixture where the engine room would have the final say, but judging from today’s proceedings, the Bangbrothers midfield duo of Sivaneson and Bia Dunpheri will very well have to work on their communicative skills in the near future, with one being Thai and the other Sri Lankan, it was no wonder that the two kept colliding into one another when challenging for 50 50 balls outside of the box.

And it was one such communicative error that saw the Brothers concede their first goal of the game and set in motion their collapse at the hands of a revived and inspired Genesis side.

A seemingly harmless backpass from Dinesh Perumal was travelling surreptitiously into the direction of Bangbrothers custodian Retz Fernando. With a striker hot on his heels, Dinesh was caught unaware and could not stop him sneaking past a sluggishly advancing Retz who could only helplessly throw himself at the ball simply to watch it being knocked past him and into the goal.

1-1 and the Genesis resurgence was truly up and running.

Then came the two goals in quick succession, one smelling pungently acute of “offside-ness” (with even the referee admitting his mistake at the end of the game), and the other, a dubious penalty decision against a wholely innocent Kalaivanaan who was challenging a 50 50 ball.

3-1 down with 20 minutes to go, it was always going to be an uphill battle for the unlucky BangBrothers side.

With Genesis putting men behind the ball and defending in numbers, all the Brothers could do was knock long ball after long ball to the wings and pray for an opening to present itself.

And after a dozen or so loose saves from the amply corpulent Genesis goalkeeper, the breakthrough finally came through a hopeful punt across goal from Sivaneson, plying his trade down the wings for the dying moments of the game.

And who else would be there at the end of the ball but a scavengerous Bradley Boon; turning past two defenders before slotting the ball home.

3-2 and there was more drama to come.

Wolf whistles from the sidelines came a shrieking and there was still time for a final freekick at the edge of the penalty box for the BangBrothers.

With a deluge of talent at their disposal to smash freekicks goalbound such as the ever legendary Timothy Song, the relentless finisher Bradley Boon, the Ronadlo-esque Muhd. Tevez Ferroz, and even the youthful Dharvin Mirphurri to name a few, one would question the BangBrothers player/coach Sivaneson’s decision to go for personal glory and step up to take the kick.

There was only one possible destination the moment he stepped up to take the strike, and into the five man wall it crashed.

FINAL WHISTLE BLOWN, an unfortunate but closely contested loss for the BangBrothers.

There are perhaps a few important lessons here and there to be learnt, such as being more composed on the ball and playing to defend leads but nevertheless it was a brave and valiant effort from the BangBrothers against a vigorously potent team sitting comfortably at the top of the East Side League.

A few more games to come and the ball will surely start rolling once again.

Unbiasedly Reported By:Full time NSF, Part Time Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love,Jerald Justin Ko.

BangBrothers FC 9 - 0 Punggol FC

2009-01-12T23:23:00.000-08:00

Sunday, 11 January, 2009
Punggol Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Clear Weather
Starting Lineup: Retz Fernando, Jerald Justin Ko, Kalaivaanan, Dinesh Perumal, Bia Dunpheri, Bert Dunpheri, Timothy Song, Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy, Ferroz Muhd., Mark Teo, Dharvin Mirphurri.
Substitutes: Zen Chan, Louis Goh, Philip McCormick.
Scorers: Dharvin (3), Ferroz (2), Siva (2), Bert (1), McCormick (1).

BangBrothers FC continued their dream start to 2009 with yet another emphatic victory in a nine goal whitewash over a cumbersome looking Punggol FC.

In a truly one sided match where several on loan players from Perth starred for the BangBrothers, one could have already called for the full time whistle on the half hour as the boys went 6 goals up without reply.

Dinesh Perumal was commanding in defence along with the ever outstanding Mark Teo, who put in another one of his rock solid defensive displays that was complemented with hard running and dedication from the conscientious wingbacks Jerald Justin and Kalaivaanan, who bombed forward with unending stamina and zeal.

The entire backline hardly put a foot wrong in the entire ninety minutes, even with several rotations and interchanging of positions- which even saw Dharvin playing at left back in the second half; the players were more than capable of adapting- and even excelled in whichever region they were thrust into, which saw them at the end of the day, recording their first ever (virginic) clean sheet.

The first of BangBrothers amazing nonuplet of goals came via the grandiloquent Dharvin Mirphurri, playing today after rushing down from a prior tournament in city hall, where he excelled in goal for his secondary school team as stand in custodian, and they did well to finish in third place.

The much maligned Muhd. Tevez Ferroz was the inspirational force behind a considerable handful of BangBrothers elephantine goals, and his performance today, along with his dynamic partnership with Dharvin, will do much to silence the band of critics who have been playing the miserable monkey on his heavily weighted back.

Dharvin's first was a result of a splendid through ball from the outside of Ferroz's right foot which split the high defensive line of Punggol FC in half, and once the winger accelerated to his blinding best, there was no stopping him from placing the ball into the bottom corner.

Dharvin soon returned the favour a few minutes later with a similar looking through ball, this time from the left wing, and Ferroz pounced on the golden opportunity to score with open arms, not before first rounding the red faced goalkeeper with a sublime display of quick feet and considerable composure.

The third goal came soon after and this time it featured another commendable partnership between two of BangBrothers three national serving military personell (arguably the strappingly fittest trio of the team), sprightly Jerald Justin and the indefatigable LEGEND Timothy Song.

The latter, who started the game in a makeshift right wing position, did well in both his defensive and offensive duties, especially when combined with the overlapping wing back former.

The duo were impressive down the right hand side, and showed vigorous vitality to implement overwhelming control over their side of the pitch. In one robustly electric move, Jerald Justin pushed forward with immense purpose after being released by Dinesh Perumal who won the ball with a trademark gracious sliding tackle.

Exchanging passes with Timothy Song, the breathtakingly breezy right back continued bombing forward before lobbing over two defenders after receiving another return pass from the legend.

Released through on goal down the right wing just outside the penalty box, Timothy Song unselfishly smashed a square ball across goal, only to see his attempted assist to Dharvin, sitting at the far post, fortuitously diverted past the Punggol FC goalkeeper by his own defender.

Three Nil, and the clock hadn't even struck ten minutes.

Timothy Song, the legend that he is, could not however hit the back of the net with the goal gaping at his mercy on countless occasions.
Choosing to side foot the ball on one instance after being released by the commanding central midfielder Sivaneson and slicing it horribly wide during the other after running clear through down the right, today's game proves that even Fabled Legends have off days in front of goal.

The BangBrothers had to contend with a conglomeration of audacious decisions from the man in the middle, referee in luminous yellow Kelvin, who awarded a countless number of offside decisions in favour of Punggol FC.
The defensive line of the Punggol boys was so high up the pitch that almost every pass hit forward from the BangBrothers was met with an offside call.
Bert Dunpheri, in particular, was charged with so many offside offences that he made Fillipo Inzaghi's expositions pale in comparison.

But the BangBrothers soon learnt their lesson and started hitting the balls wide, utilizing the pacey fleetness of Dharvin Mirphurri to beat the defenders from deep.

And that was how the fourth goal was scored when Bert hit a deflected pass wide to Dharvin, who latched onto a seemingly harmless bouncing ball in a position that featured an impossible angle to aim for goal, especially for a right footer.

But showing enormous verve and spirited technique, Dharvin contorted his body and unleashed a stunning volley, connecting cleanly with the ball at it's sweet spot, astonishing the entire Punggol FC defence who stood rooted ball watching as it flew spectacularly across the face of the upright before dipping into the top left hand corner of the goalkeeper's bewildered goal.

In fact, the BangBrothers forward line had such dexterous proclivity that Punggol FC had absolutely no answers and were fain to restrain the titanic onslaught that was cumming their way.

Contender for bizarrely perplexing “how did the hell did I score that goal” of the season goes to young trainee on trial Philip McCormick, who “scored” the fifth goal just by being at the right place, at the absolute most right time.

The scenario was best expressed by roving commentator Andy Gray; “The Boy was at the right place at the right time. Even a camel would have scored in that position at that point of time with the ball travelling towards its position in that particular flight.”

This writer will attempt to the best of his ability to describe the goal.
Again using the flanks, Dharvin sped past a few defenders before flicking the ball over a sliding challenge from the Punggol FC rightback, with the ball hanging loosely in midair, Dharvin headed the ball across goal for Ferroz to latch onto it and power a header across goal and over the goalkeeper. It was then dipping beautifully into the left hand side of the goal, flying in at a downward angle. Ferroz then put his hands up, about to celebrate a brace, but who else would have been at the right place at the right time but Philip McCormick, being the scavenger that he is, heading the ball at a ninety degree angle and into the back of the flowy net.

Five Zero.

As a matter of fact, had the young upstart been a few inches backwards, the ball would have very well hit the crossbar and out of the danger area. Such was the boy's haphazard luck.

Number Six came from another Dharvin and Ferroz combination. The winger released Ferroz with a decadent pass over the advancing backline and this time Ferroz stayed onside to lob a graceful ball over the keeper who was in no man's land.

Just before the referee blew for half time, Bert wrapped up a Septuplet of goals for the BangBrothers after good work in the midfield, with Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy unknowingly passing the ball to Bia during a routine “cruise to nowhere” mazy run, and the Muay Thai Master, with the ball at his feet, did the simple task of releasing his brother by birth down the middle, and slammed it he did, into the back of a voraciously hungry net, who had, after that tremendous strike, consumed seven of the absolute best from heaven. Although everyone knew it could have been more than triple the amount, for the number of dubious offside calls from the referee had not seen the shimmering daylight of sweet justice.

The second half saw a complete reshuffle of the team in every position, with team coach, king of the park, and part time anaconda Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy experimenting with a few untried plays.
Retz Fernando's foray upfront epitomized and exemplified the confidence in the team as they pumped up their most slothful behemoth into the centre forward position at the pinnacle of a diamond 4-2-3-1 formation, with the ever intimidating Bia Dunpheri taking on the reigns as the team's number one, pulling his socks up and strapping his gloves on with forceful intent.

He was, in fact, so forceful that he almost decapitated an opponent during a rare second half corner kick from Punggol FC.

An inswinging corner was floated into the penalty box and Bia leaped straight into the incoming ball, along with a deluge of players from both sides. The stand in custodian punched the ball away with such intensity and aggression that the LTA would be wise to put up warning sign reading DANGER the next time Bia sits in goal; the Thai import was perhaps inches away from completely ripping off the head of any one of the players challenging for that particular ball; his hands, a herculean weapon empowered with the beheading force of a guillotine, would have spilt undying blood on the pitch if not for some swift ducking of heads from the players inside the box.

Mark Teo forced out a stentorian scream from the opposition striker when he tattooed his studs onto the centre forward's shin shortly after the corner.

Temporary player and dedicated animal lover Louis Goh featured for the BangBrothers as well in the second half, and put in an industrious performance at left back. Living up to his eternally fabled nickname “Mad Dog”, Louis Goh, as always, ran around chasing every single loose ball that came his way. Pecking at his opponents feet with crunching challenges and full bodied tackles.

Zen Chan himself had a minor altercation with an opponent late in the game as a loose ball was fought over, with shirts pulled and shorts tussled, frustrations boiled over for the truly whip lashed Punggol team, and if not for the interference of the man in the middle, an all out brawl would have occurred between Zen and the obnoxious looking defender.
That would have been a truly spectacular sight, especially if Bia and Bert got involved.

The second half slowed down to a complete crawl, and even if the ever casual midfield maestro Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy could score two glorious goals, one will have understood the lethargically strolling pace that the game was played at.

His first came after hard work from Zen Chan to pump the ball into the box after a typical mazy run. As Jerald Justin (in another experimental forward position) leaped for the challenge, a Punggol FC defender jumped ahead of him but was unlucky to see the ball strike his left hand.
Petulant shouts of HANDBALL from the BangBrothers forwards in the general direction of the referee were screamed immediately afterwards, and awarded it was.

And WHO ELSE would have stepped up, but the testicle tickler Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy, who, as chillingly cool as an Eskimo, stroked the ball to the keeper's right hand corner. Eight Nil.

Siva's next goal came from a speculative effort from outside the box, and it was terrible goalkeeping over a tremendous shot that resulted in the goal.
Even Joe the Cowboy would have caught that effort with his left hand but the Punggol keeper, who was by trade a left back (having substituted his own custodian after he was injured by a Bert Dunpheri challenge) spilled the harmless looking shot and back-pedalled comedically into the back of the net.

NINE ZERO.
GAME OVER.

The BangBrothers are starting to look like the battle-hardened warriors of folklore borne of fire and steel, and the show of unity along with some breathtaking attacking displays best encapsulates the evident high of confidence that is running through the pulsating veins of the talented players.
The way they summoned up their internal reserves to keep up their high energy running even when leading by a number of goals best highlights the unending desire and rapturous appetite in them for a gargantuan amount of goals, goals, and more goals.

It truly was a superb team display that will leave fans from far and wide salivating and craving for much much more, watch this space.

The BangBrothers have scored 9 goals in each of their last two games.
9-4 and 9-0...
So true to the theme, here are some Fun Facts about the magical number 9.

Rounders and baseball are all played with teams of nine players.

A game of squash is won by scoring nine points.

Golf courses often have nine holes.

The expression to the nines means to the highest degree

There are nine major planets in the solar system, Beethoven wrote nine symphonies, and a cat is said to have nine lives.

A polygon with nine angles and nine sides is called a nonagon.

In French the word neuf means both nine and new. In German, the words for nine and new are neun and neu, and in Spanish, nueve and nuevo. As you count and reach nine, you know you are about to make a new start.

A nine days' wonder is something that creates a short-lived sensation.

The 9 of diamonds - the playing card - is sometimes called the Curse of Scotland.

On cloud nine means happy, euphoric or `high'. The phrase came into use in the 1950s from a term used by the US Weather Bureau. For the meteorologists Cloud Nine is cumulo-nimbus cloud at a height of 10 km, which is high even by the standard of clouds.

Only about one ninth of the mass of an iceberg is visible above the water. Nearly all its bulk remains hidden beneath the surface.

Redivider with nine letters is the longest palindromic word in the English language. A palindromic word has the same sequence of letters backwards or forwards.

Unbiasedly Reported By:Full time NSF, Part Time Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love,Jerald Justin Ko.

BangBrothers FC 9 - 4 Frolic FC

2009-01-04T09:28:00.001-08:00

Sunday, 04 January, 2009
Ping Yi Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Clear Weather
Starting Lineup: Joe the Cowboy, Jerald Justin Ko, Kalaivaanan, Timothy Song, Bia Dunpheri, Bert Dunpheri, Retz Fernando, Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy, Zen Chan, Bradley Boon, Dharvin Mirphurri. Substitutes: Mark Teo
Scorers: Bradley (3), Bia (2), Bert (2), Siva (1) penalty, Zen (1).

BangBrothers FC inaugurated the New Year with a dominating performance today, ruthlessly deflowering their opponents in a 9-4 whitewash at Ping Yi Secondary School in Chai Chee.

The fans who turned up to watch the game got a bit worried when the opponents and even the referee were nowhere to be found during the slated kickoff timing at 5pm.

Wondering if they got the match details correct, the BangBrothers made several phonecalls to the organizers to clarify matters, but no one was picking up, and the players started to get unsettled.

Finally arriving at the eleventh hour, donned in very casual flip-flops and tardy gear, their opponents, Frolic FC turned up in a rather casual manner; truly living up to their nicknames, the Kampung Boys.
Looking rather intimidating and menacing, the boys bidded their time and nonchalantly sauntered ambly towards the starting blocks with distinctly swaggering strides.

When the game did finally start at 5.25pm, the barraging inundation of goals from the BangBrothers was inexorably relentless, wiping off the smiles off their opponents unjustly smug faces, and raping the strut off their gangly gaits.

It all began early on when a loose clearance was picked up by BangBrother’s very own Muay Thai Champion (Featuring in The Contender Asia as an Expert Trainer, and also a cameo in indie flick Dirty Sanchez) unleashed a true martial arts smasher with a flying volley that crashed against the post and into the back of the net.

One nil in up less than 5 minutes.

The second goal came soon after as good work from Jerald Justin, employed today as a left back, released Zen Chan on the left with a terrific through ball down the wings.
The mercurial effervescent Zen beat two players with unmatchable pace, and cut inside looking to place the ball with an inswinger.
But just as he was about to release the trigger, a flying challenge from Frolic FC’s sweeper saw his siginificant frame crashing through the dimunitive body of the speedy winger, giving away a clear penalty in the process.

Bradley Boon, the designated Penalty taker, was apprehensive of his chances to place home from the six yard box, and looks were thrown around to see who had the guts and mettle to step up.

And who else put his hand up, but natural air ball specialist, Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy.

Wolf whistles and stares of disbelief rocketed around the stadium as he stepped up to take the kick.
Even his teammates were making bets on an overhit airball shot into the construction site that was located just behind the goal.

But cool as a cucumber and calm as a monk, the ever imperturbable Sivaneson nonchalantly and gently stroked a well placed shot to the left of the goal, eluding the keeper’s fingertips and tenderly rolling into the back of the net.

2 nil BangBrothers.

It was 3 nil soon after as Bert scored an easy goal after shabby defending from Frolic FC. Sivaneson received a square ball from the ever persistent Dharvin who won the ball after a couple of tussles with his marker. Sivaneson looked up and hit a delightful cross for Bert to guide the ball home after making a surreptitiously late run from the right flank.

The Frolickers simply had no chance as the unwavering BangBrothers defence dealt with every ball efficiently and skillfully, not only with their powerful headers but also stroking it around with ease and grace, causing their opposition strikers to chase unbeknownst shadows. The back four of Retz Fernando (Slow but Steady), Timothy Song (Reliably efficient), Mark Teo (Dependable Heads and Shoulders), Kalaivaanan (The Power Man), and Jerald Justin (All Round Talent), eliminated every attack before it even had a chance to be cultivated.

And greater news for the BangBrothers FC’s fans, the frequently calamitous Joe “Barthez” Cowboy improved in leaps and bounds for this game, confident in his catches and liberated of all blame for any of the goals, this could be a sign of truly positive things to come in the very New Year.

Bradley Boon, natural finisher and born marksman, scored the first of three beauties with a cheeky nutmeg under the goalkeeper’s legs after great work from Zen Chan to pick him up on the left. Only one inevitable outcome was to arrive when the ball turned up at Bradley’s feet, unmarked at the far post.

Dubious refereeing soon marred the splendor of the beautiful game as Mark Teo was charged with not one but two suspect decisions against him, once before the half time and the other immediately after, but both for the same peculiar offence.

Having been let go for much worse challenges before, Mark Teo was absolutely livid when two harmlessly looking balls (once in each ahlf) into the penalty box and subsequent 50-50 challenges between Mark Teo and his opponent resulted in two penalties and two goals for Frolic FC.

Petulant and cantankerous words were exchanged between the sweeper and the referee, resulting in a yellow card for Mark Teo, charged with belliegerent behaviour and dissent. Ever amiable peaceloving diplomat Jerald Justin had to intervene and play intermediary arbitrator to cool things down as the game looked to charge into boiling point after several roughhouse tactics from Frolic FC to keep the scoreline down.

Bradley got his second of the game and made it 5-1 for BangBrothers FC immediately after the restart from the resultant penalty awarded to Frolic.
An indisputable contender for ESPN’s highlight reel Play of the Season, Dharvin and Bradley looked past their differences (Cultural, Racial, Religious, Facial, Intellectual, and more) for the very first time this season to combine brilliantly with a handful of pretty one two passes, exchanging balls down the right and resulting in a genuine goal of magnificence; gracefully slicing their way through the Frolic’s entire midfield and defence like a Sadomasochist’s whip through well lubricated skin.

Just before half time a harmless looking long ball wasn’t dealed properly by usually steady Kalaivaanan who did not receive much luck or help from the atrocious state of the pitch on his side of the field, rigidly hard and full of potholes, Kalaivanaan was fooled by the path of the ball and tripped over himself, allowing the oncoming striker to slot it casually past an entrenched Joe to make the scoreline slightly more respectable at 5-2, but only for the timebeing.

After half time and the aforementioned penalty, Frolic FC almost got another gift when Jerald Justin thought that he was in a wrestling match and tried to grapple his opponent in an all out hands on body tussle.

A penalty and a yellow card soon resulted, but a work of genius from the BangBrothers saw Joe replaced by Bradley in goal for that particular point in time. Gyrating away and swiveling his hips, Bradley the temporary custodian did his job well and unsettled the striker enough for him to flutter his shot up and over the bar. The undeserving goal that was supposed to arrive never came.

Sivaneson pushed himself upfront during the start of the second half and his tenure as a centre forward bore no fruit as usual, which came as no surprise to the his teammates, who prefer him in his current position as centre midfield destroyer. One will hope that he does not fulfil his childhood dream of mimicking ever sagious journeyman Nicholas Anelka.

Soon after the incident, decapitating connoisseur Bia Dunpheri scored an absolute stunner with his head. Rising commandingly above his sizable opponent, Bia outjumped him and strained his neck to let loose a massive wallop of a header. It was a goal of true gorgeousness not unlike his first, this time again using the upright to smash the ball home.

Jerald Justin and Bia embarked on some fervent celebrations after the goal, triumphantly frolicking on the pitch and indulging in some Capoeira style dancing like two carefree lovers on a dreamy willowy sunflower field.
It was only an hour and the sun was still overhead, but the floodgates were already well and truly open.

With the score at 6-3, the unyielding BangBrothers were still out for more. Like Brianna Banks and her unwavering desire for a neverending supply of gags (the unorthodox kind), all the BangBrothers wanted were goals, goals, and more goals.

And goal number seven did come not long after with a lovely weighted ball into the top corner from a Bradley Boon setpiece. A freekick was won just outside the box as Dharvin got driven down to the ground by a Frolic defender.
Bradley pushed away interest from an eager Zen Chan and took his position five steps away from the ball, a la Cristiano Ronaldo (although he would like to think otherwise, being a callous critic of the petulant superstar)

As the ball left Bradley’s foot with an incredible strike, departuring from the Right Foot Airport, passengers inside the airline were hastily brought to their destination as the flight travelled linearlyand flew straight into the arrival hall of the top corner, leaving a haplessly stranded Frolic FC custodian flapping his arms, rooted to the spot.
A gorgeous goal, brought along from a gorgeous strike.

Cataclysm erupted in Frolic FC’s defensive line as Zen Chan was allowed to beat an amazing total of 7 players (including the referee) as he took the ball from his own half and embarked on a flamboyantly vintage Zen Chan Mazy scuttle, scurrying and scampering his way through a bevy of bodies, left right left right left right, before exquisitely slotting the ball across the keeper and into the back of the net to make it 8-3.

Jerald Justin was taken out for a short rest as an old injury flamed up and threatened to inflict long term damage on his agile legs. Feeling a slight pull in his inner groin, Jerald Justin signaled to the bench and took a quick siesta down the line.

Defensive blunder number four then occurred in the absence of Jerald Justin at the far post, as Frolic was able to pull a consolation goal back with the whole defence caught ball watching. The Frolic striker was able to bring the ball down and strike it home from a tight angle.

Following a brilliant run from Dharvin Mirphurri who saw his shot hit the side netting, Jerald Justin came back on and pushed up to the centre supporting striker position, showing his true all round ability and talent to play anywhere, combined with hard running and importunate harrasing of his opponents.

This running soon bore deliciously sweet fruit as he beleaguered a Frolic Defener into heading a loose ball back to his keeper dangerously. With the goalkeeper under duress and constraint, Jerald Justin was able to pressure him into slicing the ball into the path of an onrushing Bert Dunpheri, who smashed the ball into the back of the net with guile.

Jerald Justin in particular was looking focused and attentive after last week’s gaffe of a performance when his off-field matters got the better of him.
The New Year has seen him seemingly recover from his prior daze, and one can only wish him the best of luck as this ever-talented-all rounder attempts to tackle his inamorata paramour problems away from the pitch.

As the game drew to a close and climax reached, the Kampung Boys went home with their tails in between their legs. Bradley and Jerald Justin had more drama to contend with however as they embarked on a mini adventure into the school’s construction site to recover a few lost soccer balls.

Getting his shorts caught on a barb wire across the perimeter of a two metere high fence, Jerald Justin tore a hole in a rather strategic location and had to undergo assistance from a chuckling and amused Bradley.

But he soon got the last laugh as Bradley overzealously climbed over a wall to get to the site, whilst Jerald Justin simply pushed open an unlocked gate to gain quick access to the balls that were located deep inside the labyrinth of a thousand and one scaffoldings.

This mini-adventure aside, one can only look forward into the near future for more performances of exquisiteness and poise from the talented BangBrothers. With the cogwork constantly undergoing lubrication and the team gelling together ever more so as a cohesive unit in the past couple of matches, a few more tuneup games is all that is needed before one can look forward to witnessing similar whitewashing scorelines (but with better defensive ratios) to reap through their every game in sensation.

Bangbrothers FC are in cloud 69. Watch out for the money shot.

Unbiasedly Reported By:Full time NSF, Part Time Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love,Jerald Justin Ko.

Ang Mo Kio 1 - 0 BangBrothers FC

2008-12-28T05:22:00.000-08:00

Sunday, 28 December, 2008
Ang Mo Kio Secondary School
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Cloudy Weather
Starting Lineup: Joe the Cowboy, Jerald Justin Ko, Kalaivaanan, Mark Teo, Bia Dunpheri, Bert Dunpheri, Malaysia Import, Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy, Mohd. Ferroz, Joseph Obaje, Bradley Boon. Substitutes: Timothy Song, Paul Samuel

A disciplined and resilient Ang Mo Kio side prevented BangBrothers FC from recording their second straight win of the season. Frustratingly once again, a lack of mutual understanding between the forward attackers proved to be detrimentally costly as the boys failed to capitalize on the many scoring opportunities that came their way.

The defensive line however, performed at outstanding levels, with on-loan centreback Mark Teo deserving commendable mention with his amazing performance at the back.
Clearing every ball and shot that came his way, Mark combined well with the ever steadfast Kalaivaanan and new signing Joseph Obaje to counter every ball that threatened to spill over.
In fact, as the statistics showed, the Ang Mo Kio Boys had only three decent chances on goal, whilst BangBrothers dominated with over twenty attempts on their opponents.
However, as always, goals, not statistics, win games.

Rather shockingly, ever reliable Wing Back Jerald Justin was out of sorts in his first half performance down the right; although committing with a series of bombing runs down the flank, he was seemingly distracted by his well documented off-field exploits and was simply not focused on the game, messing up countless throw ins and clearances.
Willingly taken off at half time, one will hope that he can positively settle his external matters before returning to the field against Pungoll FC next Sunday.

The fluke of a goal that arrived against the BangBrothers was a mixture of hard luck and a lack of concentration.
With the game being played on a rocky hard ground, the players had to put in that extra bit of concentration to judge every bouncing ball that came their way.
And that was exactly what caught the BangBrother's stand-in custodian Joe off guard.
With Mark Teo conceding a free kick a distance away from the penalty box, the Ang Mo Kio midfielder floated a relatively harmless looking ball into the BangBrother's danger area.
However, due to an excessively soppy tale of misfortune, the ball had to bounce on an uneven surface of the pitch and completely fooled Joe, bouncing over his outstretched leg and into the open goal.

From that freak incident onwards, BangBrothers dominated the game and never looked like conceding with the stout defence holding their ground. Unfortunately the Ang Mo Kio boys were contented to sit back and punt up long balls up field and that turned out to be the way of the game from then on.

Laying siege onto the Ang Mo Kio goal with every sink, nook, and cranny possible, the boys did everything they could but just wasn't able to find that final touch to slam the ball home.

In a move just before half time, Jerald Justin overlapped his Muay Thai professional Biya and cut backed a square ball for Froz to hit a sublime ball cross field to enterprising forward Bradley Boon.

Bradley did well to cut inside and slam a shot across goal, only to hit the upright to the screaming delight of the watching WAGs in attendance (joined today by Bia's rather fit spouse).

The second half saw Froz and Jerald Justin replaced by Timothy Song and Paul Samuel, with the latter letting his feet do the talking this week after a disastrous showing the previous time around.
Though graceful in full flight, the boy just wasn't able to deliver the crucial final ball into the area for his forwards to feed on, and this is also a red light area where the team has to consider improving on.

Speedy Winger Bert Dunpheri had a handful of chances to bury the ball home but mysteriously indulged himself in executing air shots each and every time.

A credible shout for a penalty was turned down by the defiant referee when Bradley was literally assaulted by the Ang Mo Kio goalkeeper in a horrific two footed challenge inside the box, but being adjudged to have taken the shot before the foul, the referee waved away all claims to the demise of BangBrothers FC.

One positive point to pick out from this game was the ever improving performance of Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy in the centre of the park and the solid display of confidence by the entire backline. With Joseph, Kalai, and Mark, as mentioned before, being utterly outstanding.
Siva won practically every ball that came his way and even managed to embark on his trademark dazzling runs on a couple of occasions.

Siva, however, should leave the signing and dealing of potential players to ever sharp eyed Director of Football Jerald Justin, whose new signings Kalaivaanan Sadayapan, Joseph Obaje, and Bradley Boon have shined brilliantly like the twinkly twinkly dazzling stars in the night sky so far.
Siva's acumen in this particular field isn't quite as acute and proficient, as seen from his highly rated Malaysian import, barring a handful of half chances, was relatively anonymous throughout the game.

With a bit more time to gel and a couple of matches to work things out, one will be guranteed of an exciting and slick new gameplay to terrorize teams in the near future. It's a promise that BangBrothers FC is keen on fulfilling, especially when it comes to "scoring".

For now though, they will have to remember not only to bring their WAGS to the games, but their currently misplaced shooting boots as well.

Unbiasedly Reported By:Full time NSF, Part Time Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love,Jerald Justin Ko.

BangBrothers FC 2 - 1 Cheung Cheng Old Boys

2008-12-22T08:55:00.000-08:00

Sunday, 21 December, 2008
Tampines BLK 867A Field
5pm, Evening Kickoff
Clear Sunny Weather
Starting Lineup: Retz Fernando, Jerald Justin Ko, Kalaivaanan, Man, Bia Dunpheri, Bert Dunpheri, Dharvin Mirpuri, Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy, Mohd. Ferroz, Zen Chan, Bradley Boon.
Substitutes: Timothy Song, Paul Samuel
Scorers: Bradley (1), Zen (1).

BangBrothers Football Club kicked off its first official football game with a resoundingly fitting bang, scoring two sensational goals inside the first 25 minutes against a technically compact Cheung Cheng Old Boys team.

However, a combination of some disastrously poor finishing and unbalanced team play prevented them from amassing a rugby scoreline by the end of the strenous ninety minutes.

Their first goal, a cheeky toe-poke into the top corner from on-loan striker Zen Chan, was achieved after terrific work from winger Bert Dunpheri, who forced a reflex save from the diminutive Cheung Cheng Old Boys custodian. However, Zen Chan, an everlasting presence in the opponents half throughout his tenure on the dry sandy pitch, was on hand to smash home the rebound with a relentless swing of his right boot.

The Cheung Cheng Boys were running out of ideas as they continued to pump long balls down their flanks, which was to no avail as Bert Dunpheri and Jerald Justin, the adamantly pacey fleet-footed wingbacks, dealt with every malicious threat without any form of remorse whatsoever. The Cheung Cheng Boys just could not get a sniff of keeper Retz Fernando’s goal.

They did try, however, to pump the balls into the middle, where the ever packing Sivaneson was on hand to clear any oncoming threat with his tenacious physique and presence, accompanied by the ever resilient centre backs, Man and Kalaivaanan, who incidentally smelt like smoke throughout the whole evening, as a result of his recent venture into the fires of Thaipusam.
Kalaivaanan, for once, put his head to good use, as he headed away every ball that came to his direction.

Sivaneson in particular also did very well in the centre of the park, taking into account the throwing of at least two bodies onto him every single time he got the ball.

In a swift counter attacking move on the 30th minute, Dharvin and Ferroz combined brilliantly to cut a square ball across the goal for Bradley Boon, who made no mistake in firing home his first goal of the season.

Against the run of play, the Cheung Cheng Old Boys pulled one back just before the break, from their first corner of the game. Their number 11 scored with an unforgiving header from a totally unmarked position in the centre of the penalty box, with BangBrother’s custodian Retz Fernando making a characteristic mistake during the set piece, getting caught in no man’s land, arms flaying and unaware.
Despite his tremendous commanding presence and shot stopping ability, the man has to improve on his set piece awareness and timing of jumps if he wishes to continue as the team’s number one.

Drama was to ensue during the half time break as the ever petulant Paul Samuel Seleim was witnessed in a minor altercation with his teammates and coach, complaining of a lack of game time, and even questioning the basis of his positional deployment.
As history has shown time and time again, young unpolished talents, no matter how gifted, will always have to buck up and improve their attitudes if they wish to have any form of future in the game, let alone BangBrothers FC.

Paul Samuel has to learn to follow in the footsteps of his predecessors, such as the ever steadfast Jerald Justin and Mohd. Ferroz, once irritably ostentatious young starlets, they have matured and developed into full fledged professionals, staying true to the game and putting the team in front of everything else, except of course their respective families, and loved ones.

The second half saw the introduction of experienced veteran Timothy Song, who gave in a no nonsense performance at centre back.
The Cheung Cheng Boys came nowhere near Retz Fernando’s goal, with their only chances being reduced to feeble potshots from way outside the penalty box.
And when they did manage to sneak a long ball past the crowded midfield, once again the ever committed fullbacks Bia and JeraldJustin were always on hand to clear any danger.
With Timothy Song and Retz Fernando screaming out instructions like a canteen auntie at lunchtime, the BangBrother's goal was never truly under threat.

BangBrothers FC saw a record number of chances go to waste throughout the second forty-five minutes, with shot after shot either being rammed straight into the packed Cheung Cheng Boys defence or rocketed sky high into the adjacent housing blocks.

With the lasciviously dressed FAGS* (fiances and girlfriends) watching on, and even with Bia and the ever mercurial Jerald Justin bombing down the flanks with every available opportunity to support the attacking quintet of Zen, Bert, Bradley, Dharvin and Ferroz, the BangBrothers just could not seem to find the back of the net.
With a host of gild-edged chances gone terribly awry, one has to question if they can improve on their finishing before their next game against the boys from Pungoll.

Ferroz and Dharvin in particular were guilty of wasting a handful of sitters, but as this was their first game playing together in the team, one can understand the lack of communication between all the players, perhaps time and more game play together would certainly sharpen their attacking flow.

With BangBrothers FC unable to add to the unflattering scoreline and the Cheung Cheng Boys unambitiously camping in their own half, the fans soon turned their attention towards the concurrent game between Singapore and Vietnam at the national stadium in Kallang.

The game soon lost its initial high-speed rapidity once the sun began to set, with the nearby block lights flickering away into the distance, BangBrothers FC continued to pour in wave after wave of futile attacks. But alas, the Cheung Cheng Old Boys held on to keep the score respectable, and with the resonant blow of the final whistle, we have officially begun the era of climatic cummings and explicitly sensual football with an auspiciously orgasmic virginic win.

Unbiasedly Reported By:
Full time NSF, Part Time Football Player, Dedicated Writer and Lover of Love,
Jerald Justin Ko.

Bradley Boon

2008-12-22T07:57:00.000-08:00

Bradley Boon
April 4, 1987
Position: Centre Foward

BangBrothers FC profilic hitman Bradley Boon was described as a Key Signing by Director of Football, Jerald Justin Ko, (B.A) Communication Studies and English, UWA, and so far, he has lived up to his prior high expectations with outstanding performances in and out of the pitch.

A natural finisher and born marksman, Bradley's goalscoring ability comes from his brutally physical gameplay and intense commitment to chasing every single loose ball that comes his way. One particular fond memory of many fans comes from the days of yesteryear, when Bradley was still plying his trade in the youth, youth, youth league. A diminutively scrawny little bugger back then, Bradley had just lost the ball to another boy three times his size.

Disheveled and bedraggled, face in mud and his kit in disarray, Bradley picked himself up, tears running down the side of his unkempt face, and hounded his exponent down to the ground with a crunching sliding challenge riddled with malicious intent, but yet without any eventual physical damage. Winning the ball by the skin of his teeth, Bradley charged down the left wing in a flash, beating the entire midfield cavalry before smashing a thunderous shot into the top corner of his opponent's goal to the bewilderment of the entire home support.

Though described by many as an egocentric self-indulgent mercenary, Bradley has evolved his stingily selfish play to become not only one of the deadliest penalty-box predators in world football, but a dedicated team player who gets stuck in when the shit hits the fan, and cleans up the eventual mess too.

As long as he continues passing the ball when the time calls for it and also maintain his amazing strike rate, Bradley is on his way to becoming one of the all encompassing all round greats of our time.

Find Bradley at: "http://english.aljazeera.net/"

Mark Teo Wei Boon

2008-12-22T07:53:00.000-08:00

Mark Teo Wei Boon

April 6, 1983

Position: Centre Back

Well known for his fierce defending and interceptions, Mark Teo is perhaps one of the most consistent and rock solid defenders of our time, putting in outstandingly committed performances week in week out, to the delightful screaming cheers of a chorous of fans, both male and female alike.

With a penchant for pushing up forward during corner kicks and set piece situations, the dynamic centre back provides a useful outlet and option for the BangBrothers, having proved his potency for scoring crucial goals in his heyday back in Western Australia.

A Communication Studies Graduate from UWA, Mark Teo has also excelled in his day job, working at the highly impressive DDB Creative Advertising Agency, and it is this penchant for communicating and conversing with people that makes this well loved defender a fan's favourite.

His taste for football clubs however, does need some delicate fine tuning.

Perhaps an injection of some red devil juice would set him in the right direction.

Whichever the scenario, Mark Teo remains a fundamental and essential player to the BangBrothers, and as long as he does not revive his fondness for own goals as seen in days of yesteryear in Perth, the propensity for everlasting greatness will hold no bounds for this rock hard superstar.

Bert Dunpheri

2008-12-22T07:48:00.000-08:00

Bert Dunpheri
Position: Winger

Dharvin Hiranand Mirpuri

2008-12-22T07:41:00.000-08:00

Dharvin Hiranand Mirpuri
21 October, 1993

Position: Winger

The youngest and arguably most gifted talent in the BangBrothers team, Dharvin Hiranand Mirpuri possesses a delectably sweet first touch and a bag of astounding manoeuvres to take himself, along with a rolling rotund football, past opponents with delicate ease and swiftness.

His unending youthful vibrancy and verve can be witnessed in his dazzling performances down either flanks, bouncing up and down with intent and purpose, often creating chances and unleashing significant damage.

The boy does however, have a weakness in maturity, often losing his focus and attentiveness for significant periods during a game, especially if things are not going his way. This is one particular aspect of his game that he has to build up, and only time will tell if he succeeds in doing so.

Dharvin also has the uncanny ability to perform graceful "falls" in appropriate moments, having been awarded the highest number of freekicks and penalties in the league. It is this remarkable penchant for "winning" fouls that encompasses an entirely priceless dimension to his game, and hotstamps not only his importance to the Bangbrothers team, but also his eternal place in the starting eleven. As long as he continues his focus and ability in the right direction, great things will soon follow.

Mohammad Ferroz Bin Agil

2008-12-22T07:35:00.000-08:00

Mohammad Ferroz Bin Agil
30 September, 1987
Position: Centre Midfield, Supporting Striker

Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy

2008-12-22T07:30:00.000-08:00

Sivaneson Krishnamoorthy
January 25, 1982
Position: Centre Midfield, Centre Foward

The "Anaconda", as Sivaneson is affectionally known to his peers, has been plying his trade at a plethora of clubs throughout his long and diverse career, earning himself the title of being an unsettled notorious journeyman who has never really found his perfect position, until today.

Enjoying a "midlife renaissance" at the centre of the park, Siva is excelling at playing the destroyer role with his intimidating presence and cadaverous physicality.

Though sloppy at times and often accused of taking one too many touches of the ball, Sivaneson has plenty to prove, especially against his many doubters in the foreign media.

His committed and driven performances in the first few games of the season has kept them relatively tight-lipped thus far, though time will tell if he can continue letting his feet do the talking, or resort to sporadic outbursts and scandalous scuffles as witnessed by the worldwide masses a few years ago, when immaturity and hooliganism tactics blighted his promising gameplay up front.

Sivaneson has naturally been employed as an out an out centre forward in his previous clubs, and though his goals to games ratio, as described outrageously by Australian Soccer commentator and analyst, David Jones, "he's a monstrously misfiring lad, with goals as rare as a Durian Tree in Perth".

On his day, Sivaneson can embark on sensationally dazzling runs all the way down to the byline (though where it resultantly ends up is as good a guess as anyones), but whatever the scenario, when the Anaconda is on a spitfire rampage, just remember to stay the hell out of his way. Or risk getting deep throatily gagged, in many more ways than the norm.

Find Sivaneson at: http://www.MONSTERcocks.com

Timothy Song Yong How

2008-12-22T07:23:00.000-08:00

Timothy Song Yong How
January 30, 1981
Position: CentreBack

Bia Dunpheri

2008-12-22T07:15:00.000-08:00

Bia Dunpheri
April 8, 1980
Position: Wing Back, Centre Midfield

Jerald Justin Ko

2008-12-22T07:11:00.000-08:00

Jerald Justin Ko

11 November, 1987

Position: Wing Back

Kalaivaanan Sadayapan

2008-12-22T07:03:00.000-08:00

Kalaivaanan Sadayapan

4 October, 1987

Position: Centre Back